To down tools and do no more

[Tiggywinklespinny]

Selling dh house so we can buy a place together.

I spent days Decluttering, cleaning and making it look good for estate agent photos.

I try to keep on top of it all because viewings have been arranged at short notice.

Dh however is so bloody lazy, he never cooks, does laundry or cleans anything. (He does do the rubbish/recycling and pack the dishwasher badly )

He's wonderful in so many other ways but his untidiness and lack of care when I've spent fecking hours cleaning makes me want to stab him.

AIBU to down tools, no more cooking, cleaning, doing his laundry and let him deal with selling his own house.

Of course YANBU. Why do you even feel the need to ask?

But the bigger question is how you are going to deal with housework when you get a place together. If he's lazy and selfish about this now, he's not going to magically change when you move in together - just as likely that he'll get worse because he's got you to do all that sort of thing for him now.

Nope yanbu

Obviously YANBU but in the big picture, will it be more of a pian if the house takes longer to sell?

Not even going to ask about why you want to buy a house with someone like this lazy, he never cooks, does laundry or cleans anything...untidiness and lack of care

Well yeah, why would you want to move in with someone whose slovenly ways make you want to stab him? (I know it's an exaggeration but still...) I wouldn't move in with a casual housemate with that attitude, let alone a partner. However wonderful he is, these things will grate more when you're in each other's faces without your own place to retreat to. (I also question how wonderful he can be if he believes it's fine to expect the Little Woman to do all the work preparing his house for selling.)

I am quite slack myself in the housework department, btw, but I'd be mortal embarrassed if someone else was doing all the work to tidy up for me, and would actually stir my idle stumps to outdo them. But I wouldn't advise anyone who's at all houseproud to move in with me.

I'd be inclined to grit my teeth and carry on cleaning and tidying simply because a better price for his house will mean you get a better house in joint names.

If he didn't pull his weight in the new house you could down tools then. In my experience this doesn't work and you get more furious as well as unable to find anything.

After 10 years and 2 kids and nothing changing, boot him out and you will be sitting in a better house because of your previous foresight. Worked for me!

could he move into your house, thus leaving his untouched un lived in.

And its only going to get worse when he moves in!

Do not move in with this man until you have resolved this issue.

Just don't.

We're married so already living together, in his house while we sell to buy a joint property.

It's so disheartening to see how little he gives a shit about the things that matter to me. Like a clean, clutter free home.

What he doesn't know is during my mass clean ups I've ditched some of his stuff..the less he has the less he can make a mess if you want to keep it, then clean it!

Oh dear

This will be your future in your new home, too, sorry.

Tiggywinklespinny
What he doesn't know is during my mass clean ups I've ditched some of his stuff..the less he has the less he can make a mess if you want to keep it, then clean it!

Well I for one have high hopes for this marriage...

Neither of you really seem to be viewing this marriage as a 'team effort' - you still think of it as 'his house' even though you married him and moved in. He still thinks he can live like a slob because that's what he's used to. Neither of you appear to have really adjusted to the idea that this is a marriage, and that you both need to talk things through, agree strategies, and deal with things together.

Throwing out his possessions is a very immature way of dealing with the fact that you are irritated at his laziness. Talk to him about it. Decide what is reasonable between the two of you, then stick to it.

Idontknowwhy, we've been married a long time. It's a good marriage he's just a lazy bugger which I'm noticing more since putting the house up for sale.

This becomes a matter of how much you want to cut off your nose to spite your face.
Very irritating.

Does he know how much effort you have done? Really know?