Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Am I being unreasonable?

25 replies

Shonajay · 14/07/2014 08:11

I'm 2.5 years after having a major op for cervical cancer. I then had another 8-9 procedures for adhesions, removal of an ovary, went into sudden chemical menopause, and most recently underwent a spine surgery that didnt work. I'm in so much pain in the mornings I often feel sick. Now, I've developed a huge hard lump under my right arm which the doctor is suspicious of, cancer wise, so am seeing a surgeon on the 22nd.

I recently got away for a cheap all inclusive week with a female friend and just laid by the pool relaxing. It was wonderful. I managed to half my drugs because of the heat, and felt better than I have in years. I'm not working and not on disability benefits though if I get very unwell I might have to. Anyway, my friend phoned yesterday and asked if I fancied doing it again - in a couple of weeks! I asked dh and he said I'd just been away and was being unfair-our kids are at uni and we are very comfortably off. We didnt go anywhere posh it was £350 but if I end up with chemo i won't be able to travel for up to a year, so this could be my best shot.

Am I being unreasonable to ask?

OP posts:
angelohsodelight · 14/07/2014 08:15

Not unreasonable at all. Is your dh asking to go away with you?

Holidays are important IMO and if you, with your medical history, feel better from the sun etc then go!

NynaevesSister · 14/07/2014 08:16

Good grief no! Is your husband in a bit of denial about how serious this is? Or could it be that actually what he is miffed about is losing time to spend with you? Is it more that he'd rather the two of you were together? Could you go with him?

Shonajay · 14/07/2014 08:19

No he can't get time off. But I've just had a holiday so it's unfair. I'm so upset I could cry. I felt so normal being away and my friend was so kind, I can't walk far etc. he's saying if its bad we will all go away which I desperately want too, but they'll want to start chemo ASAP.

OP posts:
Whocansay · 14/07/2014 08:19

Maybe he's upset you'd rather go somewhere with your friend and not with him?

cathpip · 14/07/2014 08:22

Could your dh take some unpaid leave so he could go with you? And no Yanbu, considering your medical history......

Namechangearoonie123 · 14/07/2014 08:23

It's not about asking, it's about need.

If the heat has that much positive effect on you can you also investigate a private health club here with sauna/heat lamps etc?

I'm wondering if the stress of day to day life is just really hard too and the fact that on holiday you don't have to do anything allows you to let go and be stress free.

Your husband may be contributing to your stress.

You know you don't have to 'ask', with your children away really you need to prioritise how you feel to the number one spot.

captainmummy · 14/07/2014 08:24

YANBU - You only live once! With your medical history, why wouldn't you pack as much in as possible?

Hope it all goes well, Shonajay

AnyFucker · 14/07/2014 08:26

Don't ask, just go

And plan a holiday with your H when he can get time off from work

TheUnexpectedMorrisDancer · 14/07/2014 08:37

YANBU, and definitely should go.Having watched my sister go through 3 years of cancer treatment, I think you deserve all the stress free breaks you can squeeze in! Enjoy the sun and good luck.

TweedleDi · 14/07/2014 08:41

He sounds left out. If he doesn't show signs of financial meanness elsewhere, then it isn't about the money...

captainmummy · 14/07/2014 12:46

OP - if you are not working, and he can't get the time off to go with you, and it's not a money thing, why on earth does he not want you to go? Is it just because you've only just had a holiday? So what?

Sounds like dog-in-the-manger to me. he can't go, but doesn't want you to have toooo much fun! Hmm

captainmummy · 14/07/2014 12:48

He thinks it's 'unfair'? Does he think it's fair, what you have to go through? No that is not fair!

susiedaisy · 14/07/2014 12:52

Op what's your dh reasons for it being unfair?

SauvignonBlanche · 14/07/2014 12:55

What's he unhappy about, the cost or missing you?

BunnyPotter · 14/07/2014 13:20

My issues aren't as serious as yours, but I've had on going health problems for a few years now. If I'd gone away for a week somewhere that made me feel great, to the point that my medical issues were reduced, my husband would be happy about that, but also a bit jealous/upset that I had the good time with someone else, because he hadn't got to see the "good part" of me, someone else did and it's him who supports/has been supporting me in various ways on a daily basis. And when I'm not feeling well, I'm not always in the best of moods...

However, he wouldn't think all that out, it'd come through an argument after he said something stupid like "no" when I said I wanted to go away again!

So, maybe, like others have said, finding a way to plan a holiday with him could help.

BunnyPotter · 14/07/2014 13:20

My issues aren't as serious as yours, but I've had on going health problems for a few years now. If I'd gone away for a week somewhere that made me feel great, to the point that my medical issues were reduced, my husband would be happy about that, but also a bit jealous/upset that I had the good time with someone else, because he hadn't got to see the "good part" of me, someone else did and it's him who supports/has been supporting me in various ways on a daily basis. And when I'm not feeling well, I'm not always in the best of moods...

However, he wouldn't think all that out, it'd come through an argument after he said something stupid like "no" when I said I wanted to go away again!

So, maybe, like others have said, finding a way to plan a holiday with him could help.

SallyMcgally · 14/07/2014 13:26

YANBU at all and you should definitely go.
Think bunny and tweedledi have a point - maybe your DH isn't being stingy, but is feeling a bit left out. That's unreasonable as well, but a bit more understandable.
Good luck for the 22nd Thanks

Shonajay · 27/07/2014 16:34

Thanks everyone! I got the all clear for my lump and dh has said he was just worried about me and is now happy for me to go. Am delighted x

OP posts:
SugarPlumpFairy3 · 27/07/2014 16:40

Fantastic, enjoy your holiday Smile.

blanklook · 27/07/2014 17:40

Fantastic news, have a wonderful time Thanks Wine

Shonajay · 27/07/2014 19:15

Thank you so much! X

OP posts:
Frogisatwat · 27/07/2014 19:31

I do like a happy ending! Wishing you all the best x

CallerIDBingo · 27/07/2014 19:49

I'm by no means a soppy sod, but I think I've got something in my eye Grin

Wonderful news, I am so pleased for you. Enjoy your holiday.

NumberOneFan · 27/07/2014 19:56

Ah that's lovely! Enjoy your holiday Smile

Wantsunshine · 27/07/2014 20:15

Have a fab holiday. Clicked on this hoping you were going so I didn't have to say LTB Grin

New posts on this thread. Refresh page