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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

aibu to be annoyed?

22 replies

bettereveryday · 13/07/2014 20:48

well on the London underground today dh, dd (3) ds (9) ..my dh is over 20 years older than me so yes I'm used to people looking at us when we go out as acouple but been married for 14 years now so used to it...anyway there were 2 young woman sitting next to us and one of them started saying to another " is it the kids' granndas or their dad' then my 2yo said " daddy are we ther eyet' and her friend said ' no their dad, poor kids''..I was about to say something in lines, why does it bother you..the kids are well behaved, actually my daughter was smiling to them and they sat there for another 5 minutes saying ' omg omg'..really..fair enough you don't have to agree with having an older husband ( dont think i did at their age) BUT I;'d never talk like that ...they were whispering but I was sitting next to them and yes was listening...and just thought great maybe my children have older dad but i hope they will have more common sense and manners then two of you together...

OP posts:

BolshierAyraStark · 13/07/2014 20:58

Why didn't you address it at the time?

There are a lot of ignorant fuckwits about, either challenge shit behaviour or think fuck it. Seething on the inside isn't good for you.

CoffeeTea103 · 13/07/2014 21:00

I don't know why two women would suddenly find this a topic of discussion? Surely we see men and kids all the time, nothing stands out as odd. You probably misheard them.

Original poster

bettereveryday · 13/07/2014 21:00

because I'm too nice I guess, I didnt want my children think this is an issue. Obviously my 9years old son realizes that his dad is older than his friends' dad and we never made a secret out of it but Id not want to ruin a great day out.
wish i had guts to tell them why in any way it bothers them?

OP posts:

Original poster

bettereveryday · 13/07/2014 21:01

I've not misheard them...

OP posts:

BolshierAyraStark · 13/07/2014 21:04

Well as you are too nice then you need to go for my 2nd option of fuck it-life really is too short.

Who cares if you have an older DH-if you don't make an issue of it your DC wont.

Topseyt · 13/07/2014 21:54

It does sound as if they were very rude. I have known women with older partners / husbands, and can't see that it really matters at all.

You are happy, your husband is happy, so are your children. So don't let it get to you. The problem is theirs, not yours.

When I was 21 and still a student (too long ago now) I had a friend of the same age whose "boyfriend" (if he could be called that really) was in his 40s. I got on well with them both and didn't find it at all odd.

ScouseBird8364 · 14/07/2014 09:53

Cheeky twats

My DH is 19 years older than me, we've been labelled 'wierd' in the past and me a 'crank', but we sure as hell don't hVe some of the problems a same-age couple do

Fuck them! But yes, I'd have said something at the time

Original poster

bettereveryday · 15/07/2014 21:16

thanks ladies..I would have said soemthing if it was just me and teh husband but i didnt wamt children to hear it, ds would ask questions as why people said things like that etc. We've been married for a long time and yes we do get an odd look but thi is first time wher ewe are out as a family, in fact all laughing and having a great time when people commented on us.

OP posts:

Happy36 · 16/07/2014 01:08

Sounds upsetting and they were very rude. Sorry to hear about it. Seems like ageism is appropriate to some people...would they have said the same about a gay dad or a dad of a different race? Let's hope they grow out of it and realise the error of their ways, one way or another.

You are reasonably annpyed, however I hope you all enjoyed the rest of the day.

shockinglybadteacher · 16/07/2014 03:54

Unfortunately I can totally believe this would happen :)

Out with DN, who don't look like me because they have a different racial background. This old bloke after talking about it very loudly with his mate then came over and said "Those kids don't look much like their mother!" Not quite knowing what to respond I said "They do, really, but this one (older DN) looks more like her dad". He actually then said "Oh, I get you" and winked at me. What?

I have no clue how he thought this was an appropriate topic of conversation with someone he'd never met. People can be absolute tits and especially if the family looks different (older dad, etc) some seem to think that's a get out of jail free card to wander up and make random assumptions and remarks.

OP I think you did right, such people are best ignored. You can't talk them into not being massive fannies and engaging with them is probably what they want anyway.

mrssprout · 16/07/2014 04:18

How rude ! My husband is only 11 years older than me but I have still had situations when I have gone into a medical appointment & had someone say........and this is ???? waiting for me to say husband or something else.
I have also been in the position of being questioned about a child that didn't look like me but in that instance I really outdid myself without realising. I had newborn baby in care with us in a baby carrier on my front. Elderly lady looks at me, then at baby & says he must look like his dad. Without putting my brain into gear I opened my mouth & said maybe, I don't know who he is. As her mouth fell open & eyes nearly popped out as she hurried away I realised what I had said

Thumbwitch · 16/07/2014 04:35

Did your children hear what they were saying? If not then you were right to not draw attention to it at the time, it would only have made things more awkward for them.

But you are also right to be annoyed - how bloody rude of them to sit and pass comment on your DH and your relationship, and indeed to pity your DC for having him as their Dad. At least he was there!

shockinglybadteacher · 16/07/2014 04:54

laughing at mrssprout That is brilliant :) I would have loved to see the look on her face!

Amy106 · 16/07/2014 05:34

Yet another sad example of how common ageism is. YANBU to be annoyed. I would have felt the same way myself.

Original poster

bettereveryday · 16/07/2014 21:39

sorry ladies Im not online very often...no the children didn't hear it as they were giggling together with DH...Again, people are sometimes confused and they ask is it your father and I would say no, he is my husband and most of them would apologise and not I'm not offended then BUT as 'shockinglybadteacher' said why do people think they have right to judge others just like that...I'm ok now, it happened at the weekend...when i told my husband he was like ' why are you worrying you are never see them again'..he is right ;)

OP posts:

ilovesooty · 16/07/2014 21:46

Yes he was right. You sound like a lovely family and they were very rude.

Snatchoo · 16/07/2014 21:50

Some (to massively generalise) young women/teens find it hilarious to loudly judge other people, banking on the other person's manners to stop them telling them off.

I'm not sure what I would have done tbh OP, but YANBU. No doubt they would have denied they were talking about you if challenged.

Snatchoo · 16/07/2014 21:51

Some (to massively generalise) young women/teens find it hilarious to loudly judge other people, banking on the other person's manners to stop them telling them off.

I'm not sure what I would have done tbh OP, but YANBU. No doubt they would have denied they were talking about you if challenged.

Snatchoo · 16/07/2014 21:51

Oops sorry about that!

Original poster

bettereveryday · 18/07/2014 19:18

thanks Snatcho :)

OP posts:

Birdsgottafly · 18/07/2014 19:37

My DH and I had a similar age gap, we used to get continual comments.

People assumed he was wealthy and I married him for his money, or I was some type if freak "who couldn't get a lad her own age".

Now I get comments when I'm in clothes shops carrying stuff for my older teen DD's to try on, yesterday's was "the size of her, wanting to wear that".

I can't remember ever being as insulting to random adults as teens are, these days.

Original poster

bettereveryday · 18/07/2014 20:34

that's disgusting...only today on the beach I was looking at all the young girls and thinking the beauty of youth..fresh faces and bodies and I think they can get away with pretty much everrything...I went to the wedding 3 weeks ago, a bride was a big girl but BEAUTIFUL face and a beauiful person and I thought good on you for not starving yourself...as I know few others who starved themselves just a month before
whatever we do say haters will hate...
People do say exactly the same he must have money and once I said there's no money in the world soemone paid me to be married for so many years and have 2 children...

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