To have done almost nothing all day and leave DH to care for 2 year old?

[LittleMissRayofHope]

I am 31 weeks preg. DH is fasting (Ramadan). So we are both exhausted.
Las night my 2 year old had some serious molar teething joy. She woke at 1.30 and I was up with her til 4.30 when I finally went and woke DH to take over. He was up for 30 mins before he put her back to bed and she went!!
I had been up til after midnight (in bed but awake) as I have bad PGP and heartburn is horrific this preg. He had come bed around 1am after eating and promptly gone straight to sleep but he is a noisy bugger so he disturbed me. Then dd wakes and I'm up til 4.30. I struggled to sleep even when he took over and I heard him playing with her and taking we to bed, he came back to bed and I heard him snoring before I fell asleep.

Dd then woke at 9am and I got up with her. He stayed in bed til 11. When he did surface he 'took over' by putting her to nap at 11.30... She wasn't tired and she fussed in her cot but he had gone to the bathroom so didn't hear so I was woken and had to get up and give her lunch. I then managed to get back to bed around 1pm and managed 2 hours sleep and have essentially done nothing much all day since then. I have left them alone in the living room and been in the bedroom all afternoon, dozing and reading MN mostly. I think this is my first lazy day since she was born!!

He is now starting to stomp around abit and make comments implying I've been lazy and he's had to do everything all day... It's been 4 hours. I had 6 hours sleep in fits and starts....
Have I BU by having a lazy day and leaving him to it?
He isn't used to it. At all. He does his share of bathtubs bedtime and taking her to the park etc but all the childcare stuff is left to me - organising, cooking, washing, feeding etc.

AIBU?

Yanbu.

4 hours isn't very long really, to be caring for his own child, whilst his pregnant wife has a bit of rest.

He might as well get used to it, he'll have to chip in more when you have two.

Just ignore him. He's probably hangry.

Thank you for just confirming I'm not mad.

Think he is just being stroppy and tired and hungry. Just seems like I'm the mum and that's my full time job, my definition and I'm being 'a bad mum' by taking some time off!!

Not at all!

Just ignore him. His mood will magically change once he's eaten (I appreciate that's a while away yet!).

YANBU to want a rest, but how much communication has there been between you? From the sound of it, you may not have had a proper chat about how you're both tired, but let's work out together the best way to deal with DD and both still get some rest. Is that the case?

If so, tbh I can understand your DH maybe feeling a bit put upon if you're just silently expecting him to step up. And if he's fasting - well. He's more than entitled to be grumpy imo. One of my personal contributions to the avoidance of the outbreak of WW3 is never, ever to attempt to fast at any time, for any reason. If I ever had to have major surgery, it'd be a real dilemma

So - give him a cuddle and talk to him, let him know you appreciate what he's doing but he needs to appreciate you too. All the best

Yanbu. I assume ( possibly wrongly) you are at home with her all week? My dp is "on duty" with our toddler all weekend, he gets up with him in the morning and sorts out all the basic care throughout the day, we do go and do familiy days out but ds does the running after ds/changing nappies/playing with ds. I look after ds all week, it's good for all of us if dp is the main parent at the weekends.

I'm also pregnant and I feel it's important to recoup energy to be able to be a fun and attentive mother on the weekdays.

Haven't you posted about something similar in Relationships already?

Tbf, our communication today probably hasn't been top notch! But after I got up (again) and sorted her lunch he did say 'go back to bed, rest, sleep!' So I did.... Clearly he thought 4 hours was too long.... I just know our dynamic and he will brood and stomp and imply but be out right and voice his feelings. I just wanted a jump start on whether I had been a bit unreasonable. I do feel like I dumped her on him as I am the full time parent and a SAHM and it has become out dynamic that I do everything and he gets all the fun stuff... Not usually a problem. Irritating every now and then.

youoryou no, not really. What I posted in relationship was about moodiness and tension due to the conflict of Ramadan and pregnancy. This post is isolated purely to today's events and my daughter having kept me up all night. Obviously they do interlink but this kind of thing has happened before when she has had me up all night teething. I don't think they are the same problem as the tension post in relationships did nt involve my DD at all.

Thanks for replies all.

Yanbu. I wouldn't have even needed to read all the reasons in your post. It's ok to need a 'lazy' day.

I was really hungover today and dh did the early shift with our two. Then I let him catch up this afternoon.

I think the key is to discuss it. Admit you are both shattered and make a plan. If there is no plan, there is always a fall out in our house as we start counting how much rest the other is getting.

Biggest cross posts ever.

Just because you are stay at home mum, doesn't mean you need to be lead parent at the weekend. Out with your dh's work hours (barring night shift workers possibly) it should be 50/50 on everything.