To agree that charm is more useful than qualifications

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Inspired by India Knight's article today. I don't often agree with her views, but this one struck a chord with me.

I was shy and an academic high-flier as a child. The fact I was socially awkward to the point of appearing rude and humourless to adults is still impacting me negatively today. I strongly believe I would have had some very valuable headstarts up the career ladder and enjoyed much more fulfilling relationships had I been encouraged to be charming at school rather than focusing single-mindedly on getting all the qualifications I could.

I do think India is incorrect with one assumption though - she thinks all public schools teach charm and manners. Mine certainly didn't, and I think I was at a disadvantage for this - it wasn't until I was well into Uni that I realised that personality and sociability counted for a lot more in the wider world than book smarts.

It's not more useful in all contexts, but it is very useful, yes.

I blagged my way into a job that I have zero qualifications for. It's a great job and I love it.

I'm not sure if I'm "charming" but I am very persuasive and have authority, which has been very useful.

When I got my current job, I was up against people who were frankly far more experienced and actually better qualified than me.

My manager has told me several times, in exactly these words, that "one of your greatest strengths Hampton is that you are good at getting people to like you, that's why we hired you."

I have been really successful in the job and I absolutely love it.

It's immodest to say so but I have charm. I'm very old now and I've been told so often enough for me to believe it.

My parents were both charming as well, so maybe it's a family thing. I am genuinely interested in other people and enjoy meeting new people and getting to know them.

I have good qualifications as well but I think I have charmed my way through interviews occasionally.

I agree with BeautifullyMixed on P1.
True 'charm' will get you a long way in life.
As (sorry, can't remember name of poster, but) someone who does recruitment said on P2 - yes, of course you need the minimum qualifications for the job to get the interview in the first place, or to get your foot in the door, but once you are there, charm will help a lot.
My ds (who is 18) always seems to 'fall on his feet' but a large part of that is he has a natural ease with people and a natural way of chatting to people and making them smile. I can think of so many examples where he's got people doing things for him or got people thinking his way, just because of the way he is with people. He's capable enough academically but never going to be an A* student, but I don't worry about where he's going to end up, because of his charm.

Getting - and working - for good qualifications isn't easy and all the charm in the world is no substitute in certain careers.

Surely we can all be pleasant to other people no matter how clever we are. My DH was smart at school and is very much a people person but is now working for minimum wage.

In todays job market you need both - and even if you have them its no guarantee you'll get on.

I can probably be a bit of a cow but I earn more than DH - I believe its down to luck and perseverance.

Backforgood, my son is also 18 and yes, he has a natural, easy way with people. He also could be a top student but doesn't get top grades. He isn't bubbly over the top, he is just calm and relaxed and people like him.

He has the qualifications that get his foot in the door but meeting him is what wins people over.

It is quite unfair!!!

It's not always about specifically getting a job though - it's all sorts of things, like, (a really minor one in one way, but makes the day pass more pleasantly in others...) : the school cooks always makes sure my ds gets the last piece of chocolate concrete, or the extra portion or the curry or whatever - they love him, because he'll have a chat with them and compliment them when the food is particularly tasty. Not everybody takes the time out of their day to talk to people who cook in school kitchens - he always has. Those sorts of thing will make for a much happier life IMO, the whole respecting people, noticing people, and getting on with people bit. That's part of the 'charm' that will see you through life.

Ds2 has realised charm pays off for him at the tender age of 6 and it's amazing what people do for him. Just as well really as he's currently a lazy little thing at school. I have no doubts he will be ok in life though.
Ds1, however, is an entirely different kettle of fish.

I used to think the same as you OP, but as I get older and the World of work seems to have become more competitive, I think charm will only get you so far. I find that employers in my field (law) are wary of bullshitters and schmoozers (oh God, I sound like the opening credits of The Apprentice!). The people they really value are those with a good brain, very hard working and ambitious and solid experience.

I agree up to a point that social skills and an ability to work with others is important but, increasingly, brains will out.

Now, a side issue is relevant youthful exposure to a profession to help potential candidates on their way (and that is a slightly separate subject I think).

Erm, charm has not been helpful in my career at all. A medical degree followed by several post grad qualifications definitely has!

We hosted some chinese students all utterly charmless couldn't meet your eye, wouldn't respond to direct questions talked amongst selves in chinese excluding our family. Apparently it's a real problem for them getting jobs in England they have the qualifications but don't get picked at interview due to charmlessness.

I think you need both. One isn't good enough alone.

Depends on the job. Some jobs are very dependent on developing good relationships - where I work I can see that those with easy confidence are highly regarded and in the main this is justified because it enhances their wider networking and feeds through to their performance.

I think charm is always a bonus, sometimes a prerequisite. Whereas, for some things, qualifications are always a prerequisite and charm merely a bonus.

I'm a charmer. Its a double edged sword, to be honest. I do get a certain excitement from being a rude bastard when the mood takes me. I see my social ease and charm as being quite manipulative. I think i learned it because i grew up in a nutty, aggressive family and i had to learn how to get people on side. Mostly it comes without thinking but sometimes i will literally walk into a situation thinking 'let the charm loose!'. I am suspicious of charmers because I am one. Earnest, honest people are my role models.

But yep, in context of the OP. I reckon its got me metaphorically and physically miles beyond my actual capabilities!

Absolutely!

I could have wrote the posts by artvandrlay, hamptoncourt and squigglysquid. I'm a confident person with charm and appeal.

I definitely have used it to my advantage, it can be switched on / off to appeal to the right audience.

But I also agree that authenticity and integrity are equally important. I'm genuine what I speak to people, I might fake a little "interest" if the elderly lady in the queue behind me is moaning at the price of a loaf of bread, but I'm sincere and kind.

I have been very successful in my career because of my personality, my skills and capailities have developed in each new role but my charm was what has got me the new opportunities. It sounds big headed, but if you met me, you wouldn't think I am!

Hmm I think charm is a bit of a double edged sword. Some people might be wowed by it but more cynical older dour Yorkshire dales people like me are suspicious and put off by it.
Sincerity every time for me.

I've got an interview for a new role coming up, so I've read and memorised all these comments!

Yeah. Charm is the real reason that DH is able to design and write complex computer code. Sod all that time he spent learning it.

Next time I go to the Dr, I'll not care about their qualifications and experience, so long as they're charming.

Utter bollocks.

My charming DH had an average degree, did a pretty ordinary job in a lab, then decided to try his hand at scientific sales. He is laid back and genuine and reliable, and somehow he finds some common ground with every single one of his customers; he can chat away about second division football or opera or growing tomatoes. They all bloody love him and he has been massively, astonishingly successful.

I was listening to my 20 year old DS talking to a middle aged woman the other day. He was polite, positive, listening more than he was talking, and I thought, "You've got it too son, you'll do alright".

I think you need both. There are many careers where you cannot get anywhere without qualifications and many well paid jobs filled with totally uncharming people.

There is also little more irritating than a person who is aware of their charm but is useless, and tries to get by on charm alone. They are very easy to see through.

One of my colleagues is an absolutely confident person who will talk her way in & out of situations. I was in absolute awe of her social skills & self confidence, she tells herself every day that she is the best & most hardworking in the team.

Then I realised that she is a player who will flirt her way to the top & is quite happy to sacrifice a few colleagues for promotion. She is a skilled and ruthless operator with incredible charm skills so that everyone falls for her. They don't see the wendy lurking beneath until its too late and I personally wouldn't want her social skills.

Tricky one to get to the bottom of I think.

I'm 'good' with people and have been told I'm charming. I've been offered just about every job I've applied for.

The thing is though, I'm absolutely crap at most of the things necessary for a 'proper' job - like numeracy, organisational ability, logic, remembering things, attention to detail, practical skills. working under pressure and accuracy. So I've never managed to have what you'd call a career. Just low paid, low skilled jobs. I have lots of friends and people seem to warm to me but career-wise it's not got me far.