what to do when texts go unanswered by friend

[maggiethemagpie]

I'll admit to being a bit oversensitive in this area - rough childhood and all that. I've got a friend of 17 years standing, we see each other every few months usually at my instigation. Last time, he said hey lets met up again in a few months, maybe go to the peak district or something (this is between where we both live). So I recently texted him, suggesting just that and heard nothing back - it's been a few days now.

It does hurt a bit that he never even acknowledged my text. But what would you do - text again, or does that look pushy? or just leave it , perhaps indefinitely?

I hate it when people don't text back, not saying it has to be straight away but I think 3 days is reasonable to expect a reply, it just makes me feel rejected and like an idiot. I don't want to appear needy by making a big deal about it, but if I don't text back what do I do, just give up on trying to arrange meeting up? If I wait for the other person to get in touch spontaneously I may be waiting a while.

Please tell me if I'm being really oversensitive in my reaction or if it is normal to feel a bit hurt in this situation. I'm not sure anymore!

Just phone him. His phone may have broken, he might be away, or he might just have forgotten to reply.

He might be like me- take about 3 days to even notice a text! When I do I don't see the need to reply unless they ask a direct question. Phone.

I think that because some people live with their phones and are constantly texting they forget that some people have them out of sight and out of mind.

Mine can stay in my bag for days.

It is a bit of a long time to answer, he must have forgotten about it.

If you've known him 17 years you must trust that he likes you and wouldn't think you're needy if you text again? Needy would be texting/emailing/calling him repeatedly after you didn't get a reply.

Is he more reliable in any of the other ways you could get hold him? Like is he more likely to answer a facebook message or email? If he's just crap at contacting people in general then you could maybe lightheartedly take him to task for not replying?

He was the one who mentioned meeting up, surely he wouldn't have if he wasn't up for it? You know him best though, does he say things he doesn't mean? Is he likely to be playing games trying to avoid you?

My phone wasn't accepting texts for about 3 days before I noticed. I have no idea what texts I may have missed in that period. Just because you sent a text doesn't mean it was received. Pick up the phone.

Does he ever make contact with you? be the one to make firm arrangements? or does he only ever respond to you? (when he bothers, I mean )

How bothered do you think he is about keeping the friendship going? If you never texted or arranged anything, do you think he'd be that fussed?
(I ask because what you might choose to do will be different depending on whether he's that bothered or not)

I actually get quite fucked off with people who conduct what I consider to be important or lengthy business by text - I would much prefer if they phoned me to make arrangements for meeting up or having conversations that required more that one-line answers, otherwise you're constantly fucking around with your phone for hours on end receiving, waiting, replyin etc rather than having a five minute conversation where everything gets sorted out there and then. He may be similar to me and rather that you phoned, so I would phone if I were you.

Occasionally texts get buried in my inbox and I forget to reply. Especially if a complicated reply was required. Or I attempt to send a message and it stays there as a broken iMessage. I'd either text with a non nagging follow up if better still ring him.

Pick the phone up and ring.

All of my pals know that if something is important then to ring me not text, or email, or Facebook etc. If they don't ring then my brain marks it as not important.

I'm also one of those people who never looks at their phone. It's not even charged at the moment.

Mind you, I'm a sad lonely SAHM and no one ever texts me.

I'm sure your friend doesn't intend to hurt you.

I would call, but I expect the phone will go to voicemail as a lot of people don't pick up, and then leaving a message is the same as leaving a text in a way, you're still waiting for the other person to respond.

I have known him a while, but it is always me that keeps in touch, I think he enjoys my company when I'm there but not enough to take an active role in organising things, actually his wife usually organises their social life but she's not really my friend he is (although I have nothing against her), so he may have deferred to her or something and then it's just got forgotten about.

Even if it is only that he's forgotten about it, that to me is still hurtful as I was neglected as a child and being forgotten is, to me, a form of rejection. so these kinds of situations always upset me.

Think I will maybe ring him tomorrow and leave a message if he doesn't pick up, then the ball really is in his court.

If my mum or dad don't reply to text message it's because they are out of credit.

Perhaps he is trying to sort out his diary in order to give you dates he is available

Hang on. He has a wife? Is she included in your plans? Perhaps she is fed up with her husband going off with you

Sometimes I open texts when I'm pissed tired, don't reply, then forget about them. Before I had my iPhone I didn't encourage text convos at all.

I have a couple of friends who are terrible with contact, and my feelings on the matter are thus: do I like them enough and enjoy their company enough to do all the running? If so, then I accept the situation and never expect them to call/text and if they don't respond to mine, then I carry on and call/text them again next time I feel the urge.

If they aren't then I let things ride, and if I hear from them, then so much the better, but if not then I don't worry. Sometimes I realise that I am missing them, and move them into the former category, sometimes they surprise me and sometimes the friendships slide.

I understand that your past experiences imbue this kind of thing with additional emotional charge, but that really doesn't mean that your friend intends you to feel rejected. You have to separate your reaction from his intention, and whilst you are entitled to feel however you feel, it would be a shame to cut of your nose to spite your face by losing a friendship that you value over a couple of missing texts.

Does he normally reply to texts right away and this is the first time he's taken a while to reply?

I read texts, go to check something out, get distracted and forget about the text completely. Then I notice a few days later and wonder if I should reply or not.

Just send him another text, or email. Use a different method of contacting him.