To think that the school report for a high achiever should not be so overwhelmingly negative?

[SixImpossible]

I've just read dd's Y6 report. I am underwhelmed.

Given that she has scored all 5s and 6s, you might expect that there would be something about her academic abilities. There are two sentences about her academic development. The rest is focused on hiw she needs to improve her behaviour. This is a child who has never had a detention, who has never had me called in to discuss sanctions, who has a reputation as an incredibly attentive, good girl in class, whose behaviour has been praised in virtually every report in the past 7 years.

If her behavioural problems have been bad enough to warrant focusing on them in the end of year report, surely I could expect to have been called in to disciss them at some point?

No acknowledgement has been made of the fact the she has struggled with being bullied for several years. I have always been the one to go into the school and request meetings with staff to try to address this. Yes, I know that she has had a few meltdowns, but each one has been in response to bully situations, and she has never been penalised for them because the school recognised this.

So why the focus on how she needs to improve her behaviour?

Reports shouldn't have surprises.

That said, pages of praise wouldn't have been helpful so feedback on how her attitude/behaviour needs to change in time for high school isn't a bad thing. The fact that she's reacting to bullying doesn't negate the fact that a certain standard of behaviour is expected.

But either it isn't true, or they should have mentioned it sooner. Are you sure DD hasn't suffered school-time punishments and hasn't told you?

You should at the very least reply that this is news and you're disappointed not to have been given the opportunity to address it sooner.

Call the teacher- I agree, reports shouldn't be a surprise and it must be upsetting to read that when you were expecting something positive.

The thing is, it is not news. It is stuff I have been trying to raise with the school over and over again for the last 2.5y, ever since the bullying got bad enough for dd to ask me for help.

After years of being told that this should not be happening (the bullying - admittedly they did respond to each incident), and expressions of astonishment at dd's meltdowns because, in their opinions, dd "is not like that", and years of my asking for help in improving her social skills and they making promises to put strategies in place to support her - ha bloody ha all unkept - they are now sending her off to secondary with a report that basically says that she is not good enough!

I would be making an appointment with the class teacher before the end of the term. This is unexpected and doesn't fit with the other 7 years of reports. I would expect reference to her behaviour if there was an issue, but not a whole negative tone, especially as she has done very well elsewhere. What a shame.

That is such a shame. My child has also reacted badly to bullying this year to the extent of having moments of aggression and rudeness. His report focuses on his academic achievement with a mention of how well he has tried to overcome his frustrations this year. His teacher has really focused on the good behaviour. I if I was you, I would go in and see the teacher/head to see what can be done to prevent similar comments next year.

if they have responded to every incident then I am not sure what else the school should have done. You say she needs help with her social skills - I am a teacher and spend much time on this as a matter of course. Friendship, how to cope with problems etc etc is a constant theme in Y6 and not just in PSHE, but also in assemblies, form time and in lessons when the teacher sets up group or pair work. There is no magic wand for getting your dd to handle herself and her emotions in a more sensible manner. Good social skills are taught in school all the time; some children still struggle with them. You say it isn't news but don't want her difficulties to be mentionned in the report. If she had poor academic skills these would be mentionned in the report too. If a report is to be meaningful then it needs to be honest.

Tbh if you want to get her support for secondary this is maybe just what you need - typically we have had the opposite problem glowing reports brushing all problems under the carpet. Although, it is a shame they could not have mixed it up with some well deserved praise for the academic achievement.

It's not that I don't want her difficulties to be mentioned in the report, but after years of not dealing with it, and saying that it's not like her, I find it depressing and inappropriate - almost hypocritical - to focus her final report on it.

Something like Sleepytea's report would have been more appropriate:

His report focuses on his academic achievement with a mention of how well he has tried to overcome his frustrations this year.

The school has responded to bullying incidents with consequences for the bullies, never with any helping action directed at dd.

Perhaps for the first time you have a report from a teacher who tells the truth, rather than one who uses anodyne comments to fill up the space avoid conflict. By all means arrange an appointment to see her and discuss the report, but be prepared for some surprises.

"tells the truth" how is her behaviour responsible for bullies? yes she has had meltdowns but they are a result of and a consequence of her being bullied so am i missing something? how is that her fault and something she needs to improve? should she grow thicker skin? build a bridge and get over it? "ignore" the bullies? she is a child and it sounds like she is acting like one and responding to outside influences in a childish way which as she is a child is an ENTIRELY APPROPRIATE REACTION!

discuss it with the school but ultimately i doubt if anything will be done my dd is in the same position apparently its "okay" for someone to jump in her face and scream at her but when she yelled back "get out of my face" i get a conversation about her attitude "issues"

Could you quote some of the report verbatim, 6Impossible? Bits describing bad behaviour, I mean.

A teacher who tells the truth for the first time? I d

Or maybe the teacher says his/her truth but is actually rather biased by not - hell, let's really be helpful- liking the child...?

I'd find it very weird to have a dreadfully different report. I'd def be visiting that teacher.

but be prepared for some surprises.

I'd be furious if that were the case.

This is the end of the child's primary school career. This is the report that will go ahead to her secondary school. If there were issues to be dealt with or discussed or acknowledged then it is too late.
Any issues that the teacher was aware of/concerned about should have been flagged up at the time - probably months ago.

I'd be going in to see the HT.

Are they describing the correct child? Mistakes happen.

My year 5 dd is academic. So her report focuses on the areas of her personality which she needs to work on.

This is as it should be. YABU. I am glad the school notices my DDs deficits.

A teacher who tells the truth for the first time? I don't think so. When reports from up to 14 different teachers in 3 different educational settings over a period of 7 years have been so consistent in their opinions of dd's behaviour, then I really doubt they've been hiding behind anodyne, formulaic c&p.

Thank you deakymum. Dd does need to develop a thicker skin, it would help her so much.

Sorry, I'm not going to quote verbatim. I've got another dc going through this school and I know that some of the staff are MNers.

TBH I don't think I'm going to talk to her teacher about this report. It's a bit late to do anything about it. I've already spoken to the 2ry school. Their response and their actions so far give me hope that dd will be better supported there, and helped to develop positive behavioural strategies rather than being blamed for responding to other pupils tormenting her.

Minnie it had ocurred to me.

Freshorange no. I recognise the child that they are describing. I have been asking for 2 years for help with her social skills and they have been telling me for 2 years that she is fine.

They should be responsive if it seems unfairly negative, and you can ask them to reconsider the wording before it goes to secondary school.

Individual incidents shouldn't take precedence over overall good behaviour and working well comments.

I was a high achiever at school. I got excellent marks and found school work easy. I was also very talkative, disruptive in classes that I didn't like, quick to spot teachers' weaknesses and exploit them (behaved well for teachers that I liked & respected), and put in minimum effort as I knew I could get away with it. I also never told my mother if I got in trouble at school as I knew she would (generally rightly) take the school's side against mine. My reports usually had v good marks and terrible comments. Perhaps your DD is the same?