To complain to the school about this?

[Katarzyna37]

DD is 9 and is about to go into year 5. Yesterday she found out who her new teacher is for next year and who her new classmates will be.

Every year since year 1 she has been split up from her group of friends, and put in a class with lots of others she doesn't know very well, and has then made new friends, only to be split from them again at the end of the school year. This has happened again this year. She has made two lovely friends that have been in her class this year (3 classes per year group), and again is split from them both, whilst they are together. I know they can see each other at playtimes but it isn't the same as being in a class with them, plus in years 5 and 6 they only get a short snack time in the morning and then a half hour lunch break each day, there isn't much play time as such really.

DD is a good girl; works hard and is of good ability, gets on with others, is confident, never in trouble etc, so I don't understand why this always happens.

What is even more galling is her 4 friends from when she was in reception class have all been together ever year since reception, and DD has never been put in their class since, so has therefore grown away from them a bit whilst they are all still close. There are also other various friendship groups in DD's year that are always put together and never separated.

Am I doing something wrong? Is it the parents that go in and make a fuss about who they want their kids to be with whose kids always end up being with their friends? DH says DD is probably too well behaved and therefore just gets overlooked and bunged into any class where they need someone to make up the numbers.

WIBU to go into school about this, and at least ask for an explanation about why this happens every year?

I think in that situation I would go and have a little word.

I might have a little word, but it will be unlikely to change anything for September.

But I would maybe be more inclined to hold fire.

Instead, go in part way into the summer term, e.g. 3 weeks in, and state your case and say you really feel that this year (y5->y6) you would like your DD to be stay with her friends as every year so far she has been split. if you make your case calmly just before they sort classes out for the new academic year I think you have more chance of being listened to.

Its probably done completely randomly and she's just been unlucky, which hasnt been noticed by the school. I'd just go and have a word, mentioning that its been X number of years in a row and it seems unfair.

I feel for your daughter, go and talk to the school.

I would have a word too. The same happened to me as a child and it was knocking my confidence year after year having to break into another group of friends so my mum went in and meddled a bit so I could stay with my friends for at least one year. It made a massive difference to me.

I could have written your post. I think well behaved adaptable kids are used as fillers, especially if they are near the end of the alphabet. It seems they do it in this order:

• special needs that require a particular teacher for some reason.
• spread the hard work kids evenly and place any kids that need to be with/away from them.
• spread the super clever kids evenly and place any kids that need to be with/away from them.
• split 'bad' friendships.
• keep best friend pairs that will be devastated or unlikely to make other friends if separated.

-Then go through the register and bung the leftovers in any old place.

I think it's worth going in early next year and making a request. I have a child in the leftovers category and have asked why she has been split from friends this year - apparently the teacher has been watching them at break and she sometimes places with x and y so she will be fine. She probably will be fine but why does her coping ability mean she is not allowed to form long term friendship bonds.

Go in and ask why. Looking back I think I didn't always do my best for my children because I never ever wanted to be a fussy parent. As a teacher myself I couldn't stand the parents who were constantly in school moaning and wanting everything their way. However sometimes parents have valid points that just may have been overlooked by the school and I really think you have one! ( There may be a parent going in asking the same sorts of question for their child and maybe they could just swop classes. I have seen this happen)