To not take DD to her dance class?

[Pumpkinette]

My DD is almost 5 and doesn't do lots of activities - work schedule and money do not allow for much. She does a weekly swimming class and a preschool dance class. She loves going and I something's think it's the highlight of her week. Anyway..

Every week before class it's the same, she faffs about. Can't find her shoes / wants to take toys with her / she doesn't like her coat / he hair is wrong / loses the ability to put her socks on etc.

We get ready to leave well in advance but something always happens to make us run out the door at the last minute - usually with me stressed out by her behaviour. (We don't drive and need to get the bus there - if we miss out bus she misses the class)

So this week it was a drama over not letting her take a bloody huge teddy bear that I would get stuck carrying 2 minutes out the door. Then it was her hair, she started screaming it was tied too tight (it had already been tied back for an hour) pulled the bobble out threw it across the room and started screaming for me to fix it. I gave her a warning and told her to come over and speak to me when she had calmed down. No didn't work she started throwing stuff about and screaming 'FIX MY HAIR' 'FIX IT NOW' and then starts hitting me. I removed her to her room and told her she is to stay there until she calms down.

So I've now just cancelled the class. We have missed the bus. I am not dealing with her full blown tantrums over absolutely nothing - she has to learn that that type of behaviour does not lead to her getting to go to fun places. She is now obviously distraught about not going and screaming her head off in her bedroom.

DH thinks I have been way too harsh and that I should have just got organised to leave earlier (I've been trying since 12 to get ready to leave). He has said that I should have just taken her anyway and that I was looking for excuses not to go. So now we are not speaking either.

So am I being unreasonable to just not take her. I want to cancel it altogether but will see what she is like next week. If it's the same again then I will stop taking her altogether.

My daughter goes horse riding every week. If she is naughty at all throughout the week up until the lession I will cancel it.I think if cancelled twice in a year. She needs to know she has to behave. I haven't got money to waste

No I'm with you all the way. Five is an age where she absolutely has to start to learn that throwing a hissy fit will achieve you nothing! Apart from anything else, she'll have a nasty shock if she's still doing that sort of thing when she starts school.

God no, yanbu to have cancelled. Your dd might think twice about last minute faffing and stropping next week.

Your answer to your DH is 'Maybe. Let's see if it works and she gets ready faster next week.'

(No, you weren't too harsh. School is not going to accommodate her this way...)

I think you did the right thing.

You are absolutely right.
Your DP is wrong. If you don't get things right at this age you will have one hell of a job when she is 15.

YANBU - My DSD has been having guitar lessons this past year as she asked for them, but she has barely practiced between each weekly lesson, and as a result we have stopped them from the end of this term. She was told if she wasn't seen to be practicing, we wouldn't spend the money on the lessons. Money is tight for a lot of us, and even though they're young and don't understand that, they need to learn eventually that there are consequences to their actions.

There is a few separate issues here which I would deal with different

1. Screaming and hitting at my would involve a time out and cancelled class that day (not the whole course)

1. I would get a checklist and go through with her all she is responsible to do before you leave the house - use pictures if she can't read - make it clear that of she doesn't do these things by x time you will cancel class - make it a game

1. as she is not yet 5, you will need to tell her when to start getting ready and be clear what you will help her with

1. Due to her age i would expect her be able to do three things cosecutively and no more (brush you hair, put your socks on, go to the bathroom)

1. Due to her age, you will need to help her - this will get better

1. Plan to leave 30 minutes before normal

DH thinks you have been way too harsh because she is making an enormous fuss and he's a softy. It's cancelling a dance class, not withholding food, not being showered in icy water, not torture. She's sad about that, good! She will know next time that there are consequences.

BTW, the pasta jar of positive consequences has changed our life in this house, could you try that?

do you mean cancelled the course, or cancelled this weeks lesson?