In Business with Spouse. (Long)

[MarianneSolong]

And finding it difficult.

Latest problem relates to a necessary trip to an auction tomorrow to buy stock.

Spouse had promised our 16 year old daughter he would drive her to a festival on that day, because he hadn't noted/diarised that the auction would be on. When he realised he said he'd take her to the festival afterwards - but it would have to be the latter part of the afternoon. I thought this was a bad idea. My daughter would arrive late, and not have a good pitch besides missing bands etc. (Tickets were expensive and she paid from her savings.)

So I suggested a solution. I would take a day's leave from my part-time job, and take two buses to get the auction - allowing him to fulfil his promise to our daughter at the rproper time. Spouse agreed. I booked the day off.

Then Spouse started going on about how perhaps he could drive my daughter to the festival really really early and be back in time for the auction so he could accompany me. I said no - I have booked leave, and even if you do a relatively early start you'll need a break after driving up and down the motorway for hours. Coming to get me at the end of the auction so we can load stuff into the car would help - but otherwise I'm fine.

Basically Spouse likes auctions, and doesn't like delegating certain things. (Though very happy to delegate or leave me totally in charge, if it's a job he doesn't like.) When made an annotated list of things he would bid for. He recorded this on his iPad.

I said that as I'd be the one bidding, I would edit theh list a bit on the PC. (He uses a very fussy, inconsistent layout - weird gaps/taps/ margins etc that I find hard to read). I duly edited it and showed him which folder it had been saved in.

Yesterday he said, 'Shall I print the list out for you.' I said 'No. No need' . This morning he said he'd printed it out for me anyway. I was cross at not just being left to get on with things and even crosser when I realised he'd printed out 'his' earlier version from the iPad, not the revised one which I had showed him.

This all sounds very trivial, but I find his way of working both chaotic and controlling. If I was in a conventional work situation and a colleague or manager behaved this way, I'd find it very hard. I'm used to being able to get on with things, and am a pretty organised person. So I got angry with him this morning.

Can you see where I'm coming from? Or not?

Maybe you should take DD to the festival instead? She definitely needs to get there in good time, as she's paid for it herself - quite right!

Even in a non-family "work" situation, you might well have a similar gripe about the colleague who normally goes to the auctions, "delegating" the task to you in a similarly annoying and inefficient way (I agree about that!). Some people are stubborn (but inefficient), no matter what circumstances they work in !

However, if this sort of thing is common, I don't think you would be at all unreasonable to increase your part-time job so you can't be delegated to any more... and then he will have to prioritise better!

I would find that annoying too. But i have no idea how you could improve it. Is this kind of mixup with dates a rwgular occurence?

Is he always this disorganized?

I think my husband has been disorganised over the last few months. He retired in April after a year of winding down/working on a consultancy basis in his old profession. The new business is a project to keep him occupied.

Before he was very much part of a structure - the top part because he was running a department within a company - and had administrative support. I suppose his role was very clearly defined.

Whereas starting a new business does involved both being flexible and creating sound systems.

Retirement is probably a big deal for someone who's been working for 35 years plus in a particular line of work. I think the adaptation is a bit tricky - though he wouldn't admit it. His response has been to become manic.

He tends to rush about too much as part of the disorganisation and as a result sprained his ankle very badly indeed a few weeks ago.

The logistics of A) getting my daughter to a festival in the Cotswolds and then B) picking up stuff from an auction in the Midlands with only one car, are a bit complicated - though manageable. I actually think it will be more relaxing for me to do the auction, and await the pickup

Oh, retirement! My DF got very busy when he retired, and now he claims he is busier than he ever was!

You still probably need to stay out of his way (whether with work or some other commitment, e.g. DD), and encourage your DD to discuss plans with both of you (and especially you) in future, so as to limit double-bookings and disappointments while he's in this rather manic adjustment period!