To not think my 3 yr old needs to go to pre-school

[WigglyWormy]

Our 3 yr old ds will not be starting school till next september, we have our eye on a small, local and lovely village school which we really like the values and ethos of. He currently goes to a childminder 2.5 days a week and will continue to do so. I am getting slightly fed up of the constant questions about which pre-school he will attend and the assumption he has to go to one to ensure he is 'school ready'. He is a happy, thriving little boy who though shy when he firsts meets people is confident, plays well with others and forms good relationships. Academically he can count to 20, has a very wide range of vocab, knows his alphabet and can recognise and write most of the letters and numbers. I don't see how uprooting and unsettling him will make him any more 'school ready'? If the school we have in mind for him had an attached pre-school I may consider it, but this one does not, so I see no point in unsettling him this year when he and we love his child-minder and she is helping him to absolutely thrive. Family, friends etc all seem to think differently and keep suggesting he'd be better off in pre-school and we are 'setting him up for a fall' by not sending him. I think he will spend enough of his life in this country's education system (even if its direction of travel I find very worrying at the moment) he doesn't need any further time there.

Certainly he does not

It sounds like your DS is doing fine where he is and I agree there's no point unsettling him. I might think slightly differently if there was a school preschool for him, I've chosen to send my 3 year old to her school preschool to get her used to the building, classroom environment but above all other children, she never went to a childminder and has a tendency to be shy and has come out of her shell in the months since she's been there. Doesn't sound like that's the case for your son though so YANBU.

Your child minder will be following the Early Years Foundation Scheme which they follow in pre-school and in year R, so academically it makes no difference what so ever. You have already mentioned that he is a sociable and confident child so no need to worry about that. There is no requirement anywhere else that he has to go to pre-school. Don't let family and friends tell you how to parent your child, sounds like you are a great parent, taking into consideration the needs of your child. They're being annoying and interfering. YANBU.

If you're happy with your childcare arrangement and your child is thriving, its a no-brainer. Just have to be thick skinned to other peoples comments. I had the same when I had my children in daycare. So many head-to-one-side 'oh, its such a long day for them isnt it?' type comments. Whatevs.

I don't think he needs it in order to be ready for school. He may benefit from going because it's a fun experience but I don't think it's essential. I had both my children at home with me when they were little (most of the time) and we went to loads of toddler groups and outings. They were very social. I was in two minds about sending my elder one to a school nursery when she was just 3 and certainly did not do so in response to health visitors repeatedly telling me (when she was just turned two) to send her to nursery as though I were damaging her by not doing so and was being selfish and weird. She loved nursery and was glad she went but she would have been just as fine at home with me. If you have made a decision then don't let other people brow-beat or guilt-trip you into changing your mind.

It's fine to do this but pointless to then be pissed off with people querying it. If you do things even slightly out of the ordinary people will want to talks to you about it and force share their opinion.

My dd is 2.5 and I'm already being asked regularly which nursery she's going to go to. I just say she isn't.
I'm planning to home ed her, I've got 14 years of this to come.

It's a good idea for children to get used to being cared for by someone else and as part of a group for a little while before starting school. It also helps if they can use the toilet, manage their clothing and eat their lunch independently.

Your childminder sounds perfectly capable of helping him with all of those skills, as do you.

He does not need to go to pre-school but other people might need to tell you that he does in order to validate their choice to send their own children.

No of course not. My three offspring stayed at home (two mornings of playgroup a week) until they went into Reception. They were perfectly school-ready. You do what you think is best for your child.

My boy is the same, very settled with a lovely CM, but we are choosing to send him to the preschool attached to the school where he will hopefully go. Otherwise he'd stay with the CM. He is very excited. My DD will go to the CM instead when I go back to work.

I think it depends on the child. My DD2 got a huge amount socially out of a gentle introduction to pre-school, and I certainly don't think she would have found starting school so easy without it. Don't think it makes any difference academically.

It can be useful for a lot of children but it depends on the child, the childminder and the potential pre school.

Do the people who make the comments have any experience of the advantages and disadvantages of pre schools or are they just pontificating?

Entirely up to you, your DS sounds perfectly fine and happy.

I chose to send mine to preschool so I could get something from this money grabbing government as otherwise I couldn't get any NEF money. But that's me. Dd loves it. All good.

If you want a nice reason to give people, you could always explain how this year is a baby boom year and you're actually being socially responsible by letting others have the preschool place, when your child doesn't need it. Or just say he's happy where he is. Not all parents want to use preschool anyway, the hours really don't suit a lot of working parents.

Do the people who make the comments have any experience of the advantages and disadvantages of pre schools or are they just pontificating?

Does 20 years as a childcarer, including childminding, nursery practitioner and pre-school practitioner, 17 years of parenthood and five years of being a parent helper in a first school count?

If he is thriving where he is then leave him there.

When DD was little she went to a day nursery that provided pre-school eucation. However, when we got her name down for primary the head convinced us that she ought to go to their pre-school as all the other children she would be with in reception would be attending. We thought we had better since otherwise she might start school and find all the rest of the kids in the class knew each other and she would be an outsider. It really disrupted our childcare arrangements for that last year before schhol as we had to split her care between the nursery (which she had been attending since she was 9 months and where she was very happy and settled), the child minder and the pre-school.

The pre-school was fine but in the end I would say only about half the children in her reception had actually been to it and the child who became her best friend for the next 10 years had not. So our sole reason for sending her there turned out not that necessary anyway.

Do the people who make the comments have any experience of the advantages and disadvantages of pre schools or are they just pontificating?

I've interpreted this as the people who are commenting to me, i.e. friends/family - in truth most of them are just saying what they did with their child so using that as their base.

Herrena we would seriously consider home educating, especially for the first year or two, if we weren't in such a position as I have to go back to work at least 4 days a week. We still may if we don't get the school we want (or the back up choice).

Thank you all , even though logically and emotionally I know we are making the right choice, nice to have it validated a little bit!

I could have written your post 3 years ago OP. My ds was with a childminder. She was absolutely wonderful and he was totally settled and happy with her. It made no odds to me whether he went to a preschool or not. I couldn't see the point. But the number of people who asked me when I would be starting him with preschool was overwhelming, and like you, I was just bemused.

In the end our childminder said it might be good for him for the same reason some of the other posters have stated... that he'd get to know a fair few of the children in his class, and wouldn't be going into reception with no friends. I can't say whether he was better off or not, but I was pleased he went. He absolutely loved preschool and I do think it gave him an idea of what school would be like...the routine etc. Also it gave him an idea of what sharing with 29 other children was like, listening to teachers, eating with a big group etc.

In the end it's entirely up to you. You need to do it for yourself and your ds, not because other people are pressurising you. Oh, and it makes no odds academically whatsoever. The preschool taught very little maths or literacy imo, but they did teach him some valuable 'school skills'. Good luck whatever you decide OP.

It's not necessary and I know some parents who have opted not to send them to preschool. The only reason why I've had my son in preschool since 2 is because he's an only child (has plenty of half siblings but they're older and only really sees them at weekends ) and wanted him to be around kids his own age as I couldn't entertain him 24 / 7. He absolutely loves it. I'll be doing the same with my daughter when she reached 2 as well.

Back in the day kids didn't have preschool or anything else to get ready for school, and most of them managed. Yanbu to do what is right for you and your ds. In reception class at school they do lots to help kids settle, it's not straight into exams

Pre-school can be great, I have no doubt about it, but it's not in any way an obligation. Being 'school ready' (I hate this term) is a hot topic and your son sounds absolutely lovely. Your CM will also have a plan in place to help with his transition, maybe when you come closer to the reception start date you can 'play school' with him. Make sure that he can 'recognise' or read his name, know that he will have to take his coat off and put it on his peg, listen to the register, listen to the teacher and put his hand up, go to the toilet on his own, try to take turn, listen to a story to the end and try not interrupt, etc... It's fine, really, it's a choice. I sent my two to pre-schools, mostly because I am at home with them and I wanted them to mix with a larger group of children.