To dump some bridesmaids

[Dontwanttobeabridezilla]

DF and I booked our wedding a few years ago, I asked 5 people to be my bridesmaids, my 2 sisters and my 3 best friends. Soon after I found out I was pregnant with DS so we cancelled the wedding. We also moved away during that time so we are much further away from my friends. DS is now coming up to a year old and we have booked a wedding package at a hotel in my home county for early next year. It is so much smaller then we had initially planned as it doesn't seem so important to have a big wedding any more and we just do not have the funds to have the wedding we initially thought to plan.

I have been working out the budget for the wedding, and I will barely be able to afford to have two bridesmaids yet alone five and with it being a smaller wedding I would prefer to only have my two sisters as bridesmaids, with the numbers we have it will be a bit silly to have lots. I do not expect them to pay for their dresses so I am thinking of explaining this to them and hope that they understand.

AIBU or should I keep my initial number of bridesmaids?

YANBU.

Yanbu - tell then wedding smaller and only having Sis as bridesmaids. They are allowed to be disappointed but If they don't understand they are either not good friends or immature (or both).

YANBU
Is there another role they could have to be part of your day such as doing a reading?

Can you explain that it is about budget and offer them the option to still be bms if they pay. I know it is against tradition, but I was in a similar situation, wanted 4 of my friends but could only offer a small contribution. They still jumped at the chance as would all be buying new outfits anyway and are happy to pay for their own hair etc. yes I would have loved to pay but they are such good friends just being bridesmaids even if it costs them a little is what they all want!! or do you think they wouldn't go for that?

Be honest with them. Good friends will understand.

Maybe they could do a reading during the ceremony? Or a speech?

Just be honest OP. My friend and I were dumped as bridesmaids for a good friend with no explanation whatsoever - we only found out the bride has changed her mind when we received wedding invites for the night reception only. Awkward all round.

Few, glad I don't come across as a bit of a bitch! A reading would be lovely, I am sure they will be fine about it, I just feel bad because they were so exited when I asked them to be bridesmaids.

I reckon two of them will offer to pay when I tell them, however the other one is really struggling financially so I wouldn't want to put that pressure on them. I just wouldn't feel comfortable with them paying for something I feel I should pay for.

Oh god Wishyouwould that's awful, don't worry I will be telling them in advance, and they will be invited to the whole thing!

Yanbu.
I was supposed to be a bridesmaid for a friend three years ago. She got made redundant and asked if I'd mind stepping down as they'd slashed their budget. She only had her sisters.
I didn't and she's my best mate still.
If they are your friends they will understand. It's more fun getting drunk in the crowd anyway.

Don't my friend her MIL to be decided just to have two little ones instead which was absolutely fine. It was a brutal way to find out but tbh I think her MIL had pretty much taken over the wedding and it was her idea to cull us. We didn't fall out about it and the 3 of us are still in touch 20 years later!

I'd be tempted to not have any bridesmaids in the circumstances.

It would be easier to explain and would save quite a bit of money.

I'm sure your sisters and friends will help out anyway.

I wouldn't tell them it is about money. Make it more about the wedding not being so large now, and that 5 BMs wouldbe silly. That doesn't give them the option to offer to pay, and then you have to decline that.

I would tell them what you said about the whole big wedding thing not being so important now you are parents and that you would feel silly with a load of bridesmaids. Definitely suggest that they do a reading/speech instead.

Depending on your venue could you put them in charge of decorations as their present to you? Then they are really involved and you can thank them in the speeches and give them a gift as you no doubt would have done if they had been bridesmaids.

I had two bridesmaids at mine - and 3 unofficial ones which they loved. Encouraged to wear the fanciest dress they wanted, freedom to booze and party, had special unofficial BM photos etc. They adored every second and said it was better than being a BM!

My reason? I had 3 BMs originally and had to ask one to step down following a right old hoo-ha. Had one spare dress which fitted all 3 unofficial ones. Couldn't choose (or get anymore dresses as discontinued) so it became a standing joke about BM wars. Good and light hearted fun

It's not like you are dumping them and replacing them with other people. You are just scaling down your plans and I am sure they would understand.

YANBU.

My friend asked me and her sister to be her bridesmaids, then called off the wedding.
A few years later she met someone else, got engaged and asked her sister, me and another friend (who had introduced her to future husband) to be bridesmaids.
Then she decided to scale things down a bit so just had her sister. It didn't bother me in the slightest.