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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To wonder why this friend wants me to think everyone hates me?

60 replies

Fanfeckintastic · 09/07/2014 17:20

A very good friend of mine, who I have been spending a lot more time with in recent months because our children are close in age and we got back in regular contact through an exercise class. We see each other a number of times a week and have a fantastic time etc.

The only thing really bothering me is that she is ALWAYS telling me how her other friends, her girlfriend, her mother etc don't like me (only her girlfriend has met me and we get on great!!) and are jealous of us spending so much time together.

Don't get me wrong I couldn't give a hoot what people who have never met me think of me but it's annoying me that she keeps telling me. Is she trying to make me feel bad about myself? It reminds me of what the nasty girls in school would say or an abusive partner! Yet at the same time if it is all true, then I understand why she'd want to vent about it but it just seems so bizarre why all these people would have an opinion on someone they've never met, that she pals around with and has playdates with? I don't think any of my friends or family have ever passed comment aside from maybe "Ah it's great for the kids" at a push.

She is an absolutely fantastic friend and I feel really lucky to have reconnected with her as meeting new, solid friends whose company you enjoy so much seems less likely as you get older so I don't want to let it put me off her but it bugs me more every time she says it!

AIBU to be a bit irked?

OP posts:
Toothytwo · 09/07/2014 19:18

I wonder if the 'they don't like me spending time with you' thing is to invite the question 'why'? Then you're in the 'I have feelings for you' conversation.

Plus it's a kind of way of romanticising things, upping the drama around a perceived relationship.

XiCi · 09/07/2014 19:24

She fancies you. 100%. I think you know this but don't want to admit it to yourself. You need to face up to it before it gets out of hand. It already seems to be affecting her relationship with her girlfriend.

NewtRipley · 09/07/2014 19:40

She says things to you that lead her to remind her you are straight?

Er. It seems clear now

NewtRipley · 09/07/2014 19:40

Lead you to remind her

TalisaMaegyr · 09/07/2014 19:46

Yep. She fancies you.

Flipflops7 · 09/07/2014 19:51

"It reminds me of what the nasty girls in school would say, or an abusive partner".

Asked and answered, OP. Phase her out.

Itsfab · 09/07/2014 19:54

She isn't your friend. A friend wouldn't tell you something that is going to hurt you unless it was for your own good and it would only need to be said once.

Definitely do not use her for childcare. That is hard enough when it is with a genuine friend never mind someone like this.

She is not a friend. I know it is horrible when you have none and a friendship built on years of friendship is great but better to be alone with your DD than with someone who is an immature toxic person.

Itsfab · 09/07/2014 19:58

Says these other people hate you so you won't want to spend time with them so they won't let slip she is gay and fancies you...

BMW6 · 09/07/2014 21:26

Sorry, but she does fancy you and is fishing for reciprocation. If there is no interest from you in progressing this relationship then I think you have to be cruel to be kind and break away entirely, for her sake.

Iownafourinchporsche · 09/07/2014 21:48

Is she speaking without really thinking? Can you ask her not to tell you what others think of you. Repeat this every time she says it

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