AIBU to wish MIL would stop sneaking the kids food.

[themitch21]

I feel like I might need to get a little perspective here but this really winds me up.OH had a call from his mum to say she was popping round and he asked her to come fairly soon as the kids would be having their tea. She's just turned up and while I was upstairs has given the kids a bag of crisps and a full tube of Rowntree's each. I've obviously come down and told them straight away that they can't have them but ended up giving in on the crisps as they were half way through and she kept saying "oh they're only a small bag, barely puffs of air." My OH thinks it's no problem and I should just give the kids their tea later but it really bothers me. She does this all the time, especially giving them sweets before bedtime which I've told her time and again make them go hyper. Should I just let it go as a Grandma thing or am I right to get wound up. Be gentle with me, it's my first post!

You aren't powerless to stop it Legocaltrops, you tell her that if she comes to visit she doesn't give the kids any food/ sweets/ drink before asking you first without the kids being present and agrees to your house rules on junk food. If she doesn't agree then she stays at home.
I was in my early 30s before I had kids so maybe stroppier about other people interfering in my house. I had sensible relatives though who all lived some way off.

you are not alone in the batty mil with the food my youngest was born january so by easter he still was not on solids and he was also lactose free so no chocolate right? nope she bought him a huge bag of magic stars because they are only little and don't contain milk right? she even told my sil to buy him an egg and apparently im being unreasonable by not allowing him to have it when he is flaming intolerant and too blasted young anyway!!

2Rebecca we've tried asking her, several times, to not give DD sweets etc, or to check eith us first. She still continues to do it. As for the staying at home issue... that's something of a difficult point. In short, she won't. But that is (was) another thread.

I'd be getting angry and telling her she's not welcome. I can't imagine behaving like this to any of my relatives.
My SIL isn't keen on my nephews having sweets so if visiting it's a toy on arrival and money when I leave (we aren't local)
Deliberately pissing relatives off seems very unloving and hostile. The key to seeing children is to get on with their parents.

2Rebecca we've tried asking her, several times, to not give DD sweets etc, or to check eith us first

You need to start telling not asking. Become a gatekeeper
'Are you wielding calorie laden sugary substances?'
'Why yes Gatekeeper I am'
'Then hand them over wench or ye shall not gain access.'
'Erm, no'.
'Then access is denied'

shut the door on her and walk away<
Continue until she hands them over or goes away.

Sweets for a one-year-old is insane - there is absolutely no need and it can only be bad for them.

As for the 'asking' and 'sneaking' and 'support' - sod that, take the bloody things away if she does it! Stop sitting by complaining - get serious and step in physically if required.

I wouldn't want kids that young eating sweets regularly either.

You could go along the lines of 'we went to the dentist and they aren't allowed sweets'

Well my own Mum will be arriving soon with with sweets for my two as she's looking after them whilst I go to work. They'll be having those sweets AFTER their dinner. Both parties will be informed of that. If whatever reason they ever have sweets before a proper meal I fully expect them to eat all of said meal and not leave any because they've filled up on crap beforehand. Only fair I feel.

I don't have many rules but I don't like the few I do have being ignored or undermined.

Is it just a habit thing the sweets for kids thing? We got given sweets if we saw Gps but we only saw them every 2-3 months so it wasn't a problem. If a child is getting sweets and crisps every day that seems OTT as adults don't normally eat sweets and crisps every day and they have more robust teeth. Maybe people who bring sweets regularly for kids eat loads of sweets themselves. Why are some people so attached to sweets and giving sweets to kids? Is it just sweet marketing brainwashing?

2rebecca I think it is a habit, at least with my MIL. Every time she comes round, she usually has something sugary, and a comic for DD, which DD then rips up & I have to vacuum up when I come home from work. MIL always does it when I'm at work, so I can't do the 'gatekeeper' thing, unfortunately. DP agrees with me in principle, however in practice he just doesn't follow through. We have talked about it again, this week, so I hope DH will start to be more firm about this. MIL knows what she's doing as she rarely brings sugary crap round when I'm here, she knows I won't stand for it. I do think, with MIL at least, it's a love/comfort thing. She dotes on DD & doesn't have any other grandchildren so she wants to spoil her. Unfortunately she doesn't see the difference between an occasional treat, (which I genuinely have no issue with), and a daily dose of sweets.

mil did this once with dd. I told dd she could have the sweets after lunch and took them off her. Except she was two at the time. Queue massive tantrum that I ignored (sorry, not me who caused it). SIL sniggering at MIL who was .

Why didn't you take the crisps off them and make a point over it? Don't stand for it is my advice.

I'm so glad you posted that Tobysmum. I was going to suggest that earlier but half way through typing it out I chickened out. Let her deal with the fallout.

YABNU at all. I mind my dgc after school and I know exactly what 'treats' are acceptable. It is in line with my own feelings anyway. So a 10p bag of Haribo goes in the treat basket and can be an after dinner choice if all food has been eaten and homework done. Before dinner they can have a fruit juice lolly if it is hot or a cup of milk and a biscuit if it is cold (before tea if tea is going tobe late). Crisps only midmorning if I have them all day, fizzy drinks a lemon or orange can between them occasionally, again if I have them all day. They can have cake as pudding if all dinner is eaten and they have a piece of fruit too. None of this is a problem and dd trusts me if I do something extra. Yesterday dgs1 had a playdate and dgs2 was a bit sad so we went to a cafe and shared a piece of chocolate cake with a drink. At home he chose his tea....scrambled egg with Worcester sauce, a separate bowl of Alphabetti spaghetti and strawberries with yoghurt!
He was a happy little boy and his mum and dad were happy too.

I have had this from both grandparents. My dm was always harping on with warnings that my children would become obsessed with sweets and bully other kids for them. They are 2.10 years and 1 year old.

My mil is still an issue on this. I normally intercept sweets/chocolates/cakes and keep them for after dinner. Normally hiding some and giving smaller amount. At her house she fills them with rubbish and then moans they don't eat her three course dinner. It's a shame as they become hyper and then I don't think they see the best of my kids.

The latest is talking for me. Mil produces bag of goodies. 'Mummy says one now and the rest later'. I haven't had time to breath before 2 year old has inhaled whatever she has handed over.

YANBU, so glad my parents don't do this