AIBU about nail biting?

[PaintedLady2014]

I've always bitten and chewed my nails. It's related to skin picking which I also do. Last year I picked the skin on my feet so badly it bled and I limped because of it. I've spoken to my GP and he suggested its on the OCD spectrum, although obviously I know its very complex.

Essentially, this is beyond just nail biting. My thumbs are so sore, they are cracked and bleeding. I've tried everything to stop, I do it without even realising.

I was muttering earlier about how sore I was and DH blurted out "well stop chewing your thumbs then!". Feeling defensive I joked "haha stop smoking then"

Admittedly not a very mature response but I felt embarrassed and this habit is a very sensitive subject, as DH knows. He said it was hardly the same, smoking has physical withdrawal etc. I've given up smoking, I know how hard it is, the problem with this is I don't even realise I'm doing it. If I try and stop the compulsion is like my skin is crawling.

Now I feel like DH doesn't really appreciate my problem. AIBU to think its just as valid a problem in terms of difficulty in giving up? Any fellow sufferers out there with any advice?

My thumbs really are so fucking sore, why can't I stop??

Acrylic nails. Sounds daft but works a treat.

Therapy.

That's the only thing that's going to help at this point. If it's OCD you can't "just stop" doing compulsions.

You can't compare two different habits in two different people to each other. You got with drawls from quitting cigs and had a hard time, my husband quit cold turkey one day after years of smoking and was just fine. Doesn't mean quitting is easy just because DH did it no sweat.

In the mean time just tell your DH it's a serious problem for you and you need him to be on the same page with you on this.

You have all my sympathies for your sore thumbs OP, and yes, I should imagine it would be just as hard, if not infinitely worse to quit than smoking.

I'm also on the OCD spectrum, though in a very different way. Compulsions aren't just something you can stop immediately, though I'm very conscious of all of mine and am living with them. I'm afraid I can't really help, but I can extend my sympathy to you as a fellow sufferer

I have nails like that too. I am pretty sure it's because I get stressed and anxious and for some reason the nail biting helps whilst I'm doing it. I have been advised to get counselling/CBT for my anxiety although have been putting it off so can't say if it works! It does proper hurt though.

Did your GP suggest any support or assistance for you to tackle the problem? I can see how it might be frustrating for your husband if you aren't actively seeking ways to combat the issue, but it's not on to act as though you are just moaning about something which you have the power to stop. He is probably worried for you and it must be difficult for him to see you engaging in behaviour that he knows is hurting you, so perhaps that was what he was expressing rather than a sincere belief that all you have to do is 'stop' and your problem is solved. Maybe it's worth talking to him about ways he could help - by distracting you or giving you something else to do with your hands when he sees you chewing or biting? I really hope this doesn't sound stupid or simplistic, but would something like knitting or sewing help you to keep your hands occupied and minimise the time that they are 'available' as it were? Either way, I think you need to tackle it together - it will probably be hard, but he will have to be supportive if you are going to manage it. Good luck!

Tried acrylics, I just chew the skin instead

I know I shouldn't have said that about his smoking...what I SHOULD have said was "I don't have that flippant attitude to your smoking" but I was being sulky and defensive

I do this too. I stopped last year for a few months by applying a varnish called 'stop'. You can get it on eBay or amazon and it really works as it is disgusting and lasts for ages! Unfortunately I have started again, but I'm going to start applying the varnish again today.

PaintedLady, I was a nailbiter my whole childhood and well into adulthood; I'm also diagnosed with an anxiety disorder which my therapist believes plays into the nailbiting. The one thing that stopped me from biting my nails and the skin around them was having acrylic nails put on. Those are IMPOSSIBLE to actually bite. I had the acrylics put on, kept my hands very well moisturised so didn't have dry skin or hangnails to pick at and eventually quit putting my hands up to my mouth. After six months of the acrylics I had them soaked off and changed over to regular (home) manicures with nail hardener (bitten nails are almost always very thin and fragile when you begin to grow them out) and bought a few pair of thin cotton gloves to wear round the house, to prevent me from biting at my nails.

They say it takes three weeks of repetition to establish a habit. I don't know about three weeks - I'm 42 now and have only been out of acrylics for a year or so - but I would say that 99% of the time I don't bite my nails and when I do my husband pulls me up on it (as I've asked him to do). So, long post shortened, maybe try the acrylics? And for the sore skin, get cream for cracked, dry hands and some pairs of the cotton gloves I mentioned (I expect Boots or the like will have them, but I'm in the US so couldn't say for sure) and wear them til your hands have healed.

I was an inveterate nail chewer for years. Not part of an OCD disorder but very hard to break the habit. Working in a very badly run homeless shelter cured me. I would lift my hand to my mouth then, urgh, realise what I was doing. Time for a dirty voluntary job?

I am a very bad nail biter that has not bitten badly for many years now. I still slip occasionally by attacking one finger but soon get back on the wagon.
I think you are already heading in the right direction by asking on here. Those of us that have this problem know only too well our constant shame and embarrassment, how we try to hide our hands in public. It really can help by being open about it and ask for help and discuss the problem with as many friends and family you can.
Try to get into the right mind set, just as you must have done to quit smoking.
By the way I am a heavy smoker (3 packs a day) who has not had a cigarette for 24 years.
Good luck

To be honest, the skin is more of an issue. I can only chew the nails so far, the skin is neverending, or so it seems. Its like I'm tidying up...that's how it feels. I just need to tidy that bit, then that bit and so on.

DH is usually very supportive. I'm receiving treatment for anxiety and he's been great. I'm probably just feeling a bit sensitive today. I have been bad this week. Lots going on. I wish I could post a pic of how bad it is

The gross tasting stuff didn't work for me- I figured out a way to not taste it and bite anyway

YY to acrylics. You can still chew them and nibble but they won't break. It's an expensive habit though, and if you take them off your nails will be brittle and very very bite-able. I had very short nail extensions for a few months, and now they're longer I just get acrylic painted over my own nails and filled in and trimmed every month or so. This way you don't get the super tacky(imo) long nail thing going on, it bothers me as I'm used to having no nails at all!

If you stop chewing the nails, there's no bits of skin to 'tidy' either, I've found. Look after your hands very well. Use cuticle oils and hand cream every single day.

It's entirely understandable that you snapped back at him and it must be incredibly frustrating for both of you and he obviously finds it hard to see you going through it and not knowing what to do. If he's ready to give up smoking, could it maybe be something that you work on together? Not a race to see who can give up first, but just agreeing to offer each other unconditional support, trying to spend time together engaged in activities so that you aren't thinking about the next nibble/cigarette and are at least distracted from your cravings and compulsions?

Thanks Gfplux - I stopped smoking 7 years ago, this is so much harder!

I was a nail 'biter'until a month ago. I got a new job and decided to kick my habit. I bought some Sally Hensons stronger nail polish and it seem to have done the trick. I keep looking at my nails and being amazed at them.

Actually, I don't bite them but break the nails off so the nail hard stuff is good. Now if I get the urge, I peel the nail hard polish off instead!

He's not ready yet I don't think. He's tried and did well for a while, it was a bit of a low blow from me. I've apologised, so has he, he wants to help.

I do that with my heels. I cut into the dead skin with the tips of a tiny pair of scissors, then peel thick rolls of skin off. Sometimes I've done it badly enough to make them bleed and to hurt when I walk. I can't offer any advice on how to not to do it though, as I have been doing it for more than ten years with no sign of stopping. Sorry

I used to bite my nails til they bled and skin sides of nails too.

I found having Vaseline hand and nail cream nearby at all times and using it as often as I could remember helped. I liked chewing the skin because it was rough and dry, when it is nice and moisturised (and tasted of cream) it wasn't as appealing.

Same problem, similar reasons here. The only times I've successfully stopped in the past have been when doing jobs / being away places where putting my hands near my face made me gag. And I can't do those things for the rest of my life (can't afford the soap bills! now that is flippant )

Yes you need therapy. The chewing is a sign of something else I think.

You could try distracting yourself - get something you can fiddly with instead of picking. When do you do it? Can you keep your hands occupied?

Carmine- I've done exactly that with my heels too...its the same compulsion. It's so satisfying and yet subconscious...its that compulsion and relief which makes me think its more than just biting my nails. Maybe similar to hair pulling or something. I do suffer quite badly with anxiety. It's nice to know I'm not alone.

I do quite a few craft type things. They do help, but only short term.

I'm another long term (50 years) nail biter who stopped last summer with the help of acrylic nails. It's a very hard varnish set onto your own nails, not extensions. I get mine filled in/replaced every two to three weeks. Yes, it's expensive but to be honest I am so proud of my nails now and don't regret the expense at all. The skin issue is one I also had to a lesser extent and I find that this is not an issue now.

However, OP, it sounds like it is a major problem for you and I wonder if you've thought of applying a thin strip of micropore across the base of each of your nails, covering the sides of your nails. It would be good if they had skin coloured micropore, perhaps they do? It might be the beginning of you stopping biting the skin the is loose around the edges of your nails.

You'd have to keep applying every day, maybe more than once a day, for the while, until the skin was properly healed. The skin tags would reduce and become less of an issue for you.

It is strange, I stopped a habit of 50 years and thought I did it because of anxiety too. But I don't miss it at all what do I do to deal with anxiety now...ponders.