To be slightly (very) irritated at MIL's present to DH?

[Clarabell33]

DH has recently had a big birthday. MIL gave him vouchers for a particular hotel chain which is local to her area. Not very subtle

I know it's up to her what she gives, but I am a bit irritated mainly because we do see her and the rest of that side of the family quite a bit (much more than we see mine due to distance) and it feels a bit like she's saying we don't bother to come down much. If she had her way, the whole extended family would all live in one big house and never go anywhere without each other.

I also feel that it's a bit of a waste for a few reasons: DH and I don't live that far away, less than 2hrs drive, so it's not like we can't drive there and back in a day; these hotels are expensive, but don't look much nicer than a Premier Inn (of which there are several in the area), so a bit of wasted money; and it was a big birthday for DH but this isn't a very personal present for him. He was a bit 'oh right, erm, lovely thanks' when he opened the card and later said he didn't know when she was expecting us to use them as he prefers going down for the day and coming home to sleep in his own bed, which isn't that far away anyway...

We have never stayed with MIL and likely never will as her house is too small (no spare room, no sofabed, no room for airbed on floor anywhere) and quite messy - not just being mean, she says this herself and has previously said that of course we'd be welcome to stay but that she hasn't anywhere to put us and wouldn't want to if it was her.

So AIBU to be a bit annoyed and offended, and slightly upset/affronted/whatever on DH's behalf? He wasn't expecting any presents at all but I think this is just a bit cheeky of his mum and not very thoughtful for my DH... I got the impression he'd rather have had nothing as now he feels guilty and obligated (his words). Or am I just overreacting?

She's a bitch. Go no contact from this day forth.

Yabu, why not go and visit for a weekend?

How is it cheeky?
Is he always this ungrateful?
What present would be acceptable?

Thanks for comments!

I have been thinking about this since I posted and was definitely feeling that IABU

It wasn't meant to be such a bitch at MIL, just a bit 'wtf, where did the idea for that as being a suitable present for DH come from' - she is his mum after all and knows him quite well... and then his reaction and what he said to me afterwards (re the obligation bit) was a bit sort of upsetting on his behalf. And then when I overthought it some more, I felt like it was a bit of a dig (at me or us both) re visiting. Whether it is or not I suppose is a moot point as I won't know unless I ask her - which I wouldn't do!

When DH opened the card, I was across the room so didn't actually see exactly what it was til he showed me later. She's previously given him Halfords vouchers on a few occasions which he has loved (likes his car stuff) so I'd assumed it was more of the same. If I'm honest, I think I also feel a bit of guilt that for this big birthday, she has given DH something that is also partly for me if that makes sense?? Unless of course he decides to go without me I should really just shut up and be grateful that she's given him something nice for both of us. Total u-turn and shutting up right now

Adopt fluffyraggies attitude - try and use it for a fun weekend and ignore how close you are to IL - assume it's just coincidence.

Good on you op. Hope you both enjoy the break.

Is it only me who feel really sad for what I imagine is an elderly lady wanting her DS to visit and stay over but who knows that her house is small and disorganised and DIL wouldn't want to stay so she tried to think of a way around the problem.

Hope you have a fab time OP

Lucille, that does sound sad, but it's not really the scenario the OP has described.

Her MIL says she has "nowhere to put them" & that she (MIL, not OP) wouldn't want to stay in those circumstances if it was her.

OP has also said that they see MIL quite often. Many people regard a 2 hour drive as easy to do on a day visit basis & wouldn't dream of staying over - I don't think that's particularly unusual or necessarily sad per se.

this is a very strange post generally. yabu

Well, it's all turned out all right in the end.

If it's a chain then he can find this hotel anywhere can't he? Not just near MIL?

I would love that as a gift, in fact that is exactly what DH got me for my 30th. It was only an hour away from home, but it was like a world away. It was flipping fantastic to have 2 days just us - no kids!
It is top of my list for next year! And if MIL wants to pay I would be extremely grateful.
Go and enjoy, and thank your MIL for baby sitting whilst you are away!

A friend of mine got fart spray and emergency loo roll for his 40th from his mum... that is a much worse gift!

My DH once got an old ice cream tub filled with odds and sods like painkillers, plasters, glue, Sellotape etc for his birthday.

He'd recently moved out and she thought he'd appreciate a practical gift

If it's a chain, you don't necessarily have to go to the one nearest her.

Is it only me who feel really sad for what I imagine is an elderly lady wanting her DS to visit and stay over but who knows that her house is small and disorganised and DIL wouldn't want to stay so she tried to think of a way around the problem.

No. I've got two young sons and posts like this make me dread them growing up and avoiding me once they're married!

Me too! Hope my kids don't marry anyone like Op, or turn out as ungrateful and unappreciative as her DH! I would love a gift of a night away yet it is deemed ' cheeky' . Entitled much FGS!!!

Is it only me who feel really sad for what I imagine is an elderly lady wanting her DS to visit and stay over but who knows that her house is small and disorganised and DIL wouldn't want to stay so she tried to think of a way around the problem.

I think the point is that she would be doing because of what she wants but dressed it up as a birthday present to him. You don't give someone a present in order to get them to do what you want.

If she wanted to help them feel able to visit for longer she could have just given them the vouchers and been open about it.

Outrageous - I'd seriously consider going NC after pulling a stunt like that- I mean a night away in a hotel as a present for a special birthday... My blood is boiling for you OP
Seriously - just enjoy the night away. I'm sure it was well intended

My parents in law got me a voucher for their favourite hotel for my birthday. I was pleased with their thoughtful generosity, but I should be outraged at their presumptuous manipulation.

My first thought was that we'd have to pay for our children to stay in the hotel with us!

I don't like chain hotels because they are all the same like any high street so I go for the individual ones. Is it possible that the vouchers the OP was given are solely for the hotel near the MIL? Can you use chain hotel vouchers at any hotel in the chain? And is there an expiry date?

I have to say, a 2hour drive each way is not something I'd like to do on a regular basis. my mum lives about 2 hours away, and I do the trip about 3 times a year - and I've looked at staying overnight in the local Travelodge so I can be fresh for the drive back next day - if mum wanted to pay for that (ok it's a travelodge!) I'd be grateful.

I think the point is that she would be doing because of what she wants but dressed it up as a birthday present to him. You don't give someone a present in order to get them to do what you want.

Oh come on, it's not like she bought them a house next door and got him a job.

YABU. I think she's picked that chain because it was easy for her to get there and buy the vouchers. As for all the rest of it unless she said 'these vouchers are so you can visit me' then it wouldn't cross my mind I had to visit her. I'd go, have a nice time in the hotel then go home.

As you say yourself, it's not like she lives at the end of the world and you never see her so you don't need to see her when you stay at the hotel unless you want to.

she most likely chose that hotel because she knows it, and knows it is nice, you can drop the kids off with her on the way so double win.