To feel sad about holidays

[JaceLancs]

I have just been on holiday with my 2 offspring DD 22 and DS 21 - somewhere hot and sunny - we have had a lovely time, mixture of sightseeing, shopping, swimming and sunbathing and rather a lot of eating and drinking! We all get on well and try to have one family holiday a year, although when financially possible we may all manage a separate holiday with friends etc

I always come home saddened by being on my own - each year I think it is probably the last time we'll do this - which is the natural order of things, they have their own lives to lead etc

Whilst I am not stupid enough to think its all roses - on holiday all I seem to see is loved up couples, family units with both parents, even multi-generational groups - and I end up feeling very alone

My own parents are elderly, my dad was recently diagnosed with terminal cancer - and I have been a single parent since my children were 4 and 5 (although I have had 2 long term relationships)

I am still in a sort of relationship with my most recent ex - we stopped trying to put a label on it a while ago, now live separately which works better

We do have occasional holidays, breaks etc together but they're more likely to be UK based and we like very different things, the one time we tried a sun, sea and sand holiday it didn't work that well!

I'm a morning person - he gets up 2-3pm, I like to swim and sunbathe - he hates the sun, doesn't see the point of swimming and will spend most of the time enjoying all the technology he brings

I like to walk everywhere, amble and watch the world go by, he wants to hire a car and pack in sightseeing, the only thing we agree on is enjoyment of a nice restaurant

I am considering singles holidays, as most of my friends are in relationships, but know I would come home feeling the same

AIBU to want a relationship with someone who likes the same type of holiday as me?

I am usually good at hunting out positives (years of having to, life has been hard) its just holidays always do this to me

Yanbu to want to have a relationship with somebody who likes the same as you getting up at 2pm is ridiculous I dont know what you should do you can do better though he sounds selfish and bloody lazy, its nice you go with your children I think thats lovely

Try single holidays you might make friends that feel like you

That's one reason I thought of singles holidays - I would be happy to go on holiday with a female friend, but either difference in budget/ideas about where to go means just wouldn't work or there is some other reason, eg I have a friend who I have gone on short breaks in UK with but she has anxiety disorder, and couldn't go too far away or for very long

Even a singles holiday wouldn't stop me wishing I was in a relationship with someone who shared the same ideas about holidays though - or did you mean I might meet someone on that sort of holiday?

He can be selfish - can't we all? However he has always been a night person, he is depressed as well which doesn't help. Even when not depressed though he is just not a beachy sunbathing type

You might meet somebody you never know this man you are seeing now just doesnt like the same things you do of course all couples dont need to like all of the same things but holidays should be one of the things you share an interest in, if not go with somebody who does, is it the whole family thing that upsets you,

What springs immediately to mind is to say: remember, when you are looking wistfully at the other groups round the pool or on the beach next time, that they've all probably had to compromise on who wants to do what that day. Especially the multi-generational groups. And at least one damn good rows at some point in the holiday not everything is rosy as it looks from the outside.

My mother's maiden aunt has traveled the word alone, or with one good mate, ever since she was old enough to board a plane alone. She's just 'done' Peru - at the age of 67.

You are right fluffy holidays with families partners can be stressful

I think lots of couples enjoy different types of holiday, and actually have separate holidays.
Would you guys be able to compromise and either have two short holidays a year - one you like, one he likes, or do the same on alternate years if days off are in short supply? Or could you each have a day on holiday where the other person has to do what you want?

Singles hols are great - lots of like minded people - you may meet the man of your dreams, you may not. But you'll have a great holiday if you do some research and pick one that's right for you.

Yes I think it's partly the whole family thing too - when I was newly a single mum many years ago I used to watch family units with envy, especially those with hands on Dads, my children's father was never that - and when he left me for another woman, although he had regular contact they always felt pushed out in favour of her children (I didn't find out quite how badly until they were older)
I got over those feelings and threw myself into creating our own family unit which was the best that I could do
When my children were quite small we used to holiday with my parents who were elderly but in good health
I think it's feeling harder for me now as they are independent adults and I do not expect to share holidays with them for much longer

Yes I know it's not always what it seems! I am only seeing the public face

In terms of compromise - my whole life seems to revolve around that (I don't necessarily mean that in a bad way, although I am a very giving sort of person I can also stand up for what I want when I need to!)

Im not whe re you are yet my youngest is 16 but I do think families can holiday together

I read he has depresion so he is il not lazy sorry you just want somedody to do what you like for a change which is fair enough,

We do try the different holiday thing where possible both in terms of funds and time off work.

This year I am considering a 'city break' in autumn as more his sort of thing. We are also supposed to be house sitting for a friend of my parents in a scenic part of UK at some point over summer, and will probably do the your day/my day discussion whilst there

I will also go and stay with friends in different part of country on my own 1-2 long weekends a year.

I know many people will think 'what's her problem then?' But it is - and matters to me - probably focussing on it at moment because its fresh in my mind (flew back last night) I use holidays to suspend my not always pleasant day to day life, and also came home to not good news in more than one other direction

I am in my 40s and recently holidayed with my parents and my dcs - you never know what family holidays in the future might bring!

Thanks for all your messages - it's the first time I've risked an AIBU! Long time lurker though

I am off for a bit now to tackle all the cases of washing, open the mail (mainly bills) make a few phone calls (most of which will involve hassle or bad news)

So glad I decided not to go back into work till tomorrow - I am even going to try and resist checking work messages/e mails tonight in favour of a glass of wine

Aaahh thanks - I could be a doting grandma on holiday in future if I get the chance, you never know - it would only be by special invitation though, I wouldn't dream of foisting myself on them, and will try and be a great MIL if either of them marry

I went on a family holiday with parents dd1 her boyfriend dd2 recently it was a bit stressful some days but we just did our own thing next year me and the dds are talking about going to florida as dh hates

H