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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Research shows that geeks do better in life whereas popular people...

33 replies

superstarheartbreaker · 08/07/2014 03:27

Often end up on drugs or as er.....single mothers on benefits (according to one newspaper- maybe the fail!)

I was a geek at school and I am now a single mum on benefits , however I also have a degree from a Russel group and a pgce.i also have a supply teaching job.

I am pleased that geeks do better in life and so they should but why use the single mum on benefits as an indicator that one has failed in life?
I think that the popular crowd damaged me with their bullying and I wished I could be more like them ( having sex at the age of 13, nice clothes etc) . Now of course I'm very glad I was not part of their shallow world. At our school 'popular' meant being feared rather than liked. ( sorry for massive chip on shoulder.)

Fair play to those geeks that were not damaged by the plastics but a lot of us were and using outdated stereotypes to define success doesn't help at all.

OP posts:
Singsongmama · 08/07/2014 03:37

And your AIBU is....?

PetulaGordino · 08/07/2014 03:45

Are people really divided up like that? It all sounds a bit like American high school on TV shows (which I'm sure is not like that in real life!)

How on earth did they do the research? Did people have to self-define?

But yes, I agree with you that "single mum on benefits" as a marker of failure is poor. I always think the same about the threat "if you don't do well at school you'll end up working on supermarket checkouts". What the hell is wrong with that? I'm not saying that it's necessarily a dream job, but it's an honest living and it may well fit in with whatever a person is in their life at that time, and I'm sure there are people who work on checkouts who enjoy their work.

OhYouBadBadKitten · 08/07/2014 03:45

Funny thing though is that it will have been geeks that did the research Wink

PetulaGordino · 08/07/2014 03:46

*wherever

PetulaGordino · 08/07/2014 03:46

Lol oybbk

catinbootz · 08/07/2014 04:18

YABU

SquigglySquid · 08/07/2014 04:34

Actually, studies show that popular people do well in life because they're confident and have good people skills. They also have good connections and networking which is invaluable in a "it's not what you know, it's who you know".

I know people want the popular ones to fail, but that simply isn't the case.

SquigglySquid · 08/07/2014 04:36

Popular kids earn more money

There you go.

Teach your kid to have good people skills. :)

Original poster
superstarheartbreaker · 08/07/2014 09:35

I don't want popular people to fail. I am popular now I am a single mum in a way that I wasn't at school.
The researches equated the popular kids with the ones who were too cool and did drugs and had sex too early etc. not all popular kids do that of course. Many popular people are into sport and are decent people.
I guess my Aibu is that being popular at school doesn't mean you will be a 'failure' and that being a single mum on benefits shouldn't be a bench mark of failure anyway. What about those in hideous relationships? As a matter of fact, research has shown that failure can be positive for kids! [ grin]. Teaches them resilience.
Also being a geek dosnt mean you are a social failure either. The media love to generalise.

OP posts:
PetulaGordino · 08/07/2014 09:37

can you link to the report? it's usually the media spinning the actual research anyway

AuntieStella · 08/07/2014 09:42

The way the media report science is usually dire.

What was actually being considered? What was actually found?

(Is it simply that those who gain more science GCSEs are more likely go to university? Plus graduates still generally out earn non-graduates?)

UsedtobeFeckless · 08/07/2014 09:49

I was a total geek but all the other geeks were my mates so I had a really good social life - where does that leave me on the epic-fail-in-later-life-ometre?

littlejohnnydory · 08/07/2014 09:52

Being popular at school doesn't really equate to good people skills imo.

MoominKoalaAndMiniMoom · 08/07/2014 09:57

I have a great varied social life and I am a raging geek.

What's going to happen to me?

TeenAndTween · 08/07/2014 10:00

I showed DD1 the article on this in our newspaper. Good timing as she is in the middle of end of year exams.

We decided that the 'cool' kids often care more about what they look like to their friends than academics and so underachieve with exams. They are also maybe more likely to experiment with drugs etc. This in turn could lead to lower average results compared with ability than the non-cool hardworking 'geeks' which then has a later knock on effect.

Joysmum · 08/07/2014 10:04

I quite agree with you. A single mum on benefits is not a failure. A failure is anyone who sees being on benefits as their choice to do so and not work. That's very different.

milkingmachine1 · 08/07/2014 10:06

Interesting theory OP. I too have found this to be true in my life. If I think back to the über cool kids at school they are serious drop outs now. Too cool at the time to do any school work. All the. 'Geeks' or just normal kids actually did quite well academically and have excelled in adult life.

OhYouBadBadKitten · 08/07/2014 10:07

I was an utter loner at school, very bullied and very very geeky.

And here I am now, small circle of good friends, wide circle of friendly acquaintances, happy and comfy in my own skin and still very much a geek. I feel sad for my young self.

Dd is as geeky as they come, very academic and very hardworking. She has a big group of friends. I'm not sure where the difference is. She seems to have only had a little bullying and once she decided to target the individuals and be friendly (but not friends) with them they stopped.

Vintagejazz · 08/07/2014 11:14

I suppose it depends on the definition of 'popular'. I went to school in Ireland and popular meant pupils who were generally well liked because they were nice and friendly and got on with everyone.
However on MN and in American High School films 'popular' often seems to mean good looking and bitchy and cliquey.

GiniCooper · 08/07/2014 11:21

Superstar your comment that you're popular now you are a single mum and not at school is a bit odd.
Do you think that maybe you've just grown up a bit and aren't the same person you were in school?

Vintagejazz I agree with you. I think here (Irish too) popular meant those who made an effort, got involved and organised stuff. More often than not they had good grades too. So I don't buy into this at all. Unless we are drastically different.

aquashiv · 08/07/2014 11:22

what about if you are a popular geek?

PinkHamster · 08/07/2014 11:24

I hate how it's always divided into geeks and popular people. I was never popular in school (very unpopular actually, I was bullied pretty much non stop throughout and barely had friends) however I wasn't a geek either. I have no idea where I fit into this.

LumieresForMe · 08/07/2014 11:33

Tbh I think it just shows how our society sees people.
The popular ones are the ones wo a brain who have fun but don't do a lot if work.
The geeky ones are the ones who always have their nose in a book and never have fun, hence no friends.

What a shame as we, as parents, would all like to have hard working children who do well but also have friends and apparently that's incompatible Confused.

As for being a single parent in benefit as a sign of failure Hmm

I would question the article if not the whole research t h and just bin it and move on.
Your life us and will always be what you make of it.

Calloh · 08/07/2014 11:38

I really don't think these kind of articles are very helpful.

Also what do they mean by 'do well', if they mean having a successful career, then yes being on benefits would not be a marker of having achieved this - although not sure what the mum bit has to do with it. If they mean being happy then who knows.

Personally I think being happy with happy children (if you have them) is the biggest mark of success and I see no reason why geeks and popular children can't achieve that. To someone else success might be something entirely different. You can't look at a group of people and judge who did well if these people didn't have similar aims to begin with.

I would also very much love it if we stopped defining ourselves along those very shallow and unsatisfactory lines.

Applelicious · 08/07/2014 11:50

What about those of us who were neither popular or clever...

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