Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WIBU to have reacted this way to children at the park?

43 replies

PeachyParisian · 07/07/2014 17:25

At the park this morning there were a group of 4, very boisterous boys aged about 8. This play area is specifically for under 8s by the way and the parents were in no way supervising their DC. They were sat on a bench surrounded by luggage which led me to believe they were just waiting for a train from a nearby v. big train station.

I was there will a 2 year old (I'm a nanny) and there were a few other toddlers/babies in the play area. He ran to go and play on the climbing, adventure frame thing and the other boys soon decided that was better than the see-saw they were trying to break. They started to hiss in his face and call him names- he was totally oblivious to what they were doing and was concentrating on walking across a step bridge.
I didn't want to intervene immediately because he was ignoring them, so I was watching at a distance of about 5m.
Within a few seconds they then progressed to pretending to kick his face (stopping their foot less than 10cm from his face) at which point I ran over.
I wanted to say "how would you feel if somebody bigger than you tried to kick you" and it came out in French as "do you want someone bigger than you to kick you in the face?" Blush
I told them he was only little and they should be careful if they are going to play in a park for smaller children. I said I would tell their mums if they bothered him again. I went over to mention it to the mums anyway, and they just shrugged and said boys will be boys!

What would of been the best course of action in the situation? Fortunately my charge didn't seem at all fazed, and if they had kicked him I don't know what I would have done.

Sorry it's long, didn't want to drip feed.

OP posts:
AnyoneForTennis · 07/07/2014 17:34

you were stood 5 metres away? yabu for that

Original poster
PeachyParisian · 07/07/2014 17:36

From the climbing frame? Should I hover over him constantly?

OP posts:
ShatnersBassoon · 07/07/2014 17:37

You should have stepped when they were hissing at him and calling him names.

ThirdPoliceman · 07/07/2014 17:38

Yanbu. In fact quite restrained. I feel I would have said ore to them and their mothers.

AMillionNameChangesLater · 07/07/2014 17:38

I'm about 10m away from ds1 when he plays. He's 2.9

you did the right thing OP

ThirdPoliceman · 07/07/2014 17:38

Obvs ore should be more.

ThirdPoliceman · 07/07/2014 17:39

5 metres?

I still use old money.....

WorraLiberty · 07/07/2014 17:40

They hissed in his face and called him names...and you didn't intervene? Sad

Telling them off for that would have been the best course of action.

Iggly · 07/07/2014 17:41

You should have stepped in at the name calling! I'd be pissed off with my nanny if she let it get that fae with my children.

Floggingmolly · 07/07/2014 17:44

I didn't want to intervene immediately because he was ignoring them
What? Confused. He's two! Why would you allow much bigger kids to treat him like that just because he wasn't reacting??? He could well have been frightened, just not showing it.
Even if he genuinely didn't notice, why would you stand by and let it happen Hmm
If you were my nanny and I heard about an incident like this; I'd dismiss you immediately.

AnyoneForTennis · 07/07/2014 17:47

you saw them start to behave badly yet remained 5 metres away......yabu for that,imo

AnyoneForTennis · 07/07/2014 17:48

and YES, he had been threatened so yes!! you absolutely should have been 'hovering'

Original poster
PeachyParisian · 07/07/2014 17:49

When he is scared or uncomfortable it is very obvious but he was quite content. He would not have even understood what they were saying had he been listening. I want to encourage him to ignore behavior like which is why I waited until the crossed the line before I stepped in.
Children can be rough and silly and pick on smaller children in playgrounds. Although usually it's more a case of them not allowing the LO to join their games Sad

OP posts:
AnyoneForTennis · 07/07/2014 17:50

I agree he wouldn't have understood the words used...but the tone,hissing and body language would be understood

Original poster
PeachyParisian · 07/07/2014 17:52

floggingmolly their will be no 'hearing about the incident'. I have already told his parents. Their only concern was his reaction i.e. Did he hit them, was he upset etc. they are very keen for him to be independent which extends to learnig how to deal with bullies. He's going to school (yes, not a nursery!) in September and will be in a large group with children older than him.

OP posts:
TheReluctantCountess · 07/07/2014 17:53

I'd have shouted to leave him alone at the first incident.

isitsnowingyet · 07/07/2014 17:55

YANBU - The mothers should have been a bit more interested in their boys' actions!!

STOPwiththehahaheheloling · 07/07/2014 17:57

A sharp, loud "OI!- enough!" And a stern glare the moment they even made evil eyes at him. Never mind hanging around while they escalate to almost kicking him! Shock

NynaevesSister · 07/07/2014 17:59

You did the right thing. I wouldn't have made a big deal of it if he wasn't bothered by this - clearly he wasn't even registering this and your stepping in would have made him anxious where he wasn't before. I am sure you would have stepped on if he had been upset.

You sound like a lovely nanny and I would be happy with you.

The other mothers are appalling though.

Iggly · 07/07/2014 18:17

It doesn't matter that he seemed fine. It does matter that these kids were being unacceptable towards a toddler.

DoJo · 07/07/2014 18:56

But it's not her place to discipline the other children. I have done the same in a similar situation - bigger boys were taking the mickey out of my toddler by copying his mispronunciation and getting in his face a bit when he was trying to talk to them, but he thought they were all having a conversation and was thrilled to be included. I let them carry on until they tried to get him to go into the bushes with them at which point I just said 'he's a bit little for that game' and led him off. He was fine, they were just being silly (and probably acting in the same way their older siblings do to them) and I wasn't about to get involved with disciplining them when my son wasn't unhappy about their behaviour.

PixieofCatan · 07/07/2014 19:10

OP, as a nanny you should know that he would have understood tone and body language surely? Even if he didn't seem phased it may be something that he brings up later on. My old charge was notorious for that, she'd come out with all sorts of things that had bothered her a week or two ago that we assumed that she either hadn't seen/heard or been bothered about at the time.

YANBU for saying what you did, but you should have approached much sooner, even if it was just to hover and ensure that things didn't get out of hand (which it almost did!)

DoJo If kids were taking the mickey out of my charges I'd step right in and tell them to back off, you can't allow kids to be rude to younger children even if the younger child doesn't get it.

In a similar scenario, I've had kids taking the piss out of my old charge who has autism and copying him and his flapping, my charge thought it was hilarious, they still got told off by me because it's inappropriate.

DoJo · 07/07/2014 19:35

As I said - he was thrilled as he thought they were including him in their game, so I didn't step in until they had tried to involve him in something more dubious. He's my priority, and although they were not being particularly pleasant to him, it wasn't exactly damaging and he definitely wasn't upset underneath it all as he thought it was a great game. If I had stepped in, that would have upset him, so I didn't. I'm happy with how it played out, but I wouldn't judge someone else for choosing to intervene in the same situation.

Original poster
PeachyParisian · 07/07/2014 20:09

Pixie, he definitely picks up on things like this usually and won't stop going on about them. E.g. He still talks about his sister pulling his TShirt over a month ago but he made no mention of this morning.

Thanks for the feedback everyone!

OP posts:
DearTeddyRobinson · 07/07/2014 20:16

YWBVU to be standing so far away from your charge and to let the situation go that far. I would be furious if my nanny did this. You should have been beside the climbing frame, and warned the older boys the moment they started bothering a 2 year old.
YWNBU to tell them off but far too late IMO.