To tell this mum the truth about her son?

[FergusSingsTheBlues]

My neighbour, who I'm pretty friendly with, has two boys. The eldest has been bullying mine (both 4yo) ...
In one week at school we had:
scratches down neck, my son cried, she made him apologise, mama reassured little angel.
Smacked him, my son cried, she made him apologise, reassurance from mama.
Kicked him, my son cried, she made him apologise, reassurance from mama.
An attempt at kicking, where I sat down and told him. (Mama wasn't there)
In no uncertain terms. To NEVER touch my son again.

And finally he did a Luis Suarez on my boy last Sunday while playing football. Son cried, blah blah.

It's his sisters party this weekend. She smacked my you youngest one last week.

My son never retaliates and I have never ever had to tell him off for mistreating anybody..he's an exceptionally nice boy tbh.

We are not going to the party, instead I've arranged a picnic with one of his best chums....my dilemma is...what do I say to the mother? I've talked to her before about behaviour but being apologetic doesnt cut it for me really.

Can I tell her the truth? That her son is clearly a bully and i don't want mine near him? She doesn't discipline him effectively. So we can't hang out.

Sorry, I meant two boys and a girl.

Tell the mother that you're not prepared to risk your child being assaulted by her kid yet again, and that's why he's not going to the party.

Be fully prepared to be treated as if you're the one who's being unreasonable and alarmist.

I would outline all the incidents to her and tell her you are not going to the party as "the children aren't getting on very well at the moment and it is your duty to protect your children". Just repeat each time she wants to meet up. Are these things happening in school? If so get the teachers to deal with it. Ask for them to be separated next year.

She needs to deal with this or find new friends.

Why isn't the school dealing with it?

Just tell them because the kids don't get along well, you wont be going.

I'd be careful labelling a 4yr old as a 'bully' though, as you might sound a bit strange.

I would sat nothing at all to the mother.

I'd have a great deal to say to the school though.

I don't think you should say he's clearly a bully. Bullying is victimising and targeting one child. Do you know if he'stargeting just your child or is his behaviour like this with everybody?

However, his behavior is clearly not acceptable, and voting with your feet by not attending the party might help him and the mother see the consequences of his behavior, ie no one wants to play with him. Tell her quite simply 'ds doesn't want to come because your ds keeps hurting him.'

I'm glad your son has some other nice friends, enjoy the picnic.

*say

I agree with Worra. I wouldn't label a child this age. The school needs to protect your DS, the mumdoes sound a bit ineffectual. Be prepared for her to fail to respond well to this being pointed out, though.

It's not bullying at 4 but it's not nice for your son.

Just tell the mum you can't go.

Yes, I see that labelling him a bully is a bit OTT....but he does seem to be targeting my son.

I was going to say " we're not coming. X is fed up of being hit by y and so am I"

Told school weeks ago, they are aware but these things only happen outside school generally in my vicinity. And I don't want to go the route of " they're not getting on" as I've already said something to that effect. And I don't want to cause a scene with the mum who is very nice, but I need to sand up for my son here, and HE needs to see that happen.

You've already stood up for your son by telling the boy never to touch him again.

To be honest, the mother is probably mortified enough without you spelling it out.

Why can't you limit/cut contact outside of school if that's where it's happening?

4????? Thought you were going to day 14. And you child is exceptionally perfect. Dear me.

I think what you propose to say is reasonable. She won't want to hear it though. Perepare for her to want to cut contact with you.

When my dd was two, she used to hit and bite her friend, my friend's dd. I would tell her off and as often as not take her home because of her behaviour, but nothing improved until one day the victim's mother insisted she hit her back. The little girl gave my dd the merest tap, but that was enough. My dd never did it again.

So there is something to be said for children defending themselves.

Macdoodle, I didn't say he was perfect! He doesn't sleep for starters! But he IS kind and gentle and I've never ever had to tell him off for hitting anybody, and I'm not apologising for that.

Mexican, I watch and he doesn't retaliate...i'd far prefer him to do that but don't feel I can say it....Hes really very unassertive.

He's asking all mournfully why the child doesn't like him anymore and why he keeps hitting him. It's really upsetting.