I need a bit of MN perspective please!
PFB is almost 8 months old and will be starting nursery when I return to work shortly. Lovely FIL, who is in his 80s can be quite unsteady on his legs but is still driving, has suggested that I put him on the list at nursery of people allowed to collect DD in case of an emergency. He has also suggested a couple of times in a jokey way (rather than asking outright) that he'd like to take her in the car to visit some of his relatives in a local town a good hour's drive away. At that time I nicely told him no as it was too soon for her to be that far away from me. My husband has commented in the past about how he is concerned about FIL's driving. I don't think I'd say he's a danger but his reaction times are naturally going to be slower than a younger person's and sometimes he doesn't notice things around him (which thinking about it, could potentially make him a danger). DH has said in the past that he wouldn't be letting DD go out in the car with FIL but then when it came up in conversation again last night, he seems to have changed his tune and has no problem with it, even to the point of questioning why I'd have a problem with it.
My other issue is that, other than the odd half an hour on the sofa here & there, FIL hasn't spent any real time with DD. At 8 months she knows who he is, I think, there is certainly a smile of recognition when he calls in but he had never changed her nappy, knows nothing about her feeding or sleeping routines & the last time he really dealt with a baby was when my husband was born 30 + years ago (& to be fair, wasn't a hands on dad, MIL did everything & she is no longer with us). I just don't feel comfortable with him looking after her on his own or driving with her in the car. He has suffered some ill health in recent years, if he were to collapse or have a car accident whilst DD is in his care, I don't know what I'd do. I know he would never intentionally do anything to hurt her but in general he just doesn't seem to be able to accept that he's getting on now & does things that a man in his 40s would find strenuous, never mind a man in his 80s (often resulting in him suffering during the days following!)
DH thinks I'm being hypocritical as I'd be quite happy for my dad to drive with my daughter & shortly will be letting my parents care for her while I go back to work for a few KIT days. The difference is a) they're my parents so I'm sorry but naturally I'm going to trust them 100%, have no reason not to. b) Dad is 20 + years younger than FIL, drives for a living & is a super safe driver & c) they have more recent experience of looking after young children & will do as I wish with regards to caring for DD (FIL has already made comments about how he will look after my daughter how he sees fit - we disagree in a good naturedly way on various points of parenting and I suppose I just don't trust him to do as I ask).
Sorry for the mega long post.... I suppose what I'm asking is AIBU to put my foot down & say that FIL is not allowed to take DD out in the car by himself?
If I am to do this, how do I do it without really upsetting him? He's a lovely old boy who I think the world of but DD is a much longed for, long waited for baby & I don't know what I'd do if something happened to her. (I probably sound a bit controlling & precious, I'm not in real life - honest!)
Thanks!