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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think I did not deserve to be shouted at by this guy?

10 replies

PrincessTeacake · 06/07/2014 21:30

I don't want to drip feed but there's quite a bit of backstory on this.

A few years back I was doing volunteer work for an event, I ended up resigning my position because I felt overworked and was having organization-related clashes with other committee members. Since then friends of mine have started working for this event and I've been asked (dare I say begged) to come back on a more casual basis. I agreed so I could help out my friends.

One of the committee members was in charge of organizing a fundraiser, I knew nothing about it until a committee friend messaged me two days before begging me to come and perform. It was supposed to have been a music evening but the organizer had left everything to the last minute and his acts dropped out. I was asked to fill in, as was another good friend of mine.

I dabble in stand-up comedy, which is what I was asked to do. I'm not a traditional joke-teller, I mostly tell stories about experiences I've had and usually my work is a bit raw (my specialty is dressing very prim and proper and then saying terrible things, sort of Christopher Titus-style: I've performed at several events and the organizers have seen and are familiar with my work. With only a day to prepare material I asked if I was able to talk freely, and was told as long as everyone at the event was over 18, it was fine.

So I travelled across two counties to do this favour, it turns out the event is taking place in a church for some reason. The organizer is warming up with two other acts he managed to get, and as much as I hate to criticize someone else's performance as I know how hard it is, it is painfully thrown together. One of the singers is very off key, the guitar player keeps missing chords and apologizing to the attendees (there are only 15 but they did pay to see this) and while the second singer is very good, the guitar player is accompanying her and seems to be playing a totally different song.

So I go on next and start up my act, and before I went on it was confirmed that I could speak freely. Halfway through one of the organizers, who happens to be the head committee member, starts freaking out, waving his arms at me and making the cut-throat gesture. It's very distracting, so I end up cutting my act short and thinking of jokes at the last minute to end on a cohesive note.

The event ends, and the attendees were clearly happy with my performance, as well as my friend who went on after me and did an amazing job. I am told by the committee member who asked me in the first place that we saved the event. But as I'm leaving, the head starts shouting at me, asking me 'What's wrong with you? This is a CHURCH!' I tried to explain that I had been told I could speak freely, but he just keep shouting 'It's a church! Have you no respect?' He could clearly be heard from outside by the leaving attendees. I just told him I wouldn't discuss it with him and walked away.

I'm still fuming. I didn't travel all that way to be shouted at.

OP posts:
londonrach · 06/07/2014 21:33

Just don't do it again.

ColdCottage · 06/07/2014 21:41

YANBU they were very rude and ungrateful.
Plus not all church buildings are still used as religious venues. Some are night clubs. Also they were over 18 and you triple checked re content.
Hope you are more appreciated at your next gig.

ihatehousework2 · 06/07/2014 21:42

Wow! Not surprised you were fuming. Why is it that people want one thing but then infer that actually it wasn't what they really wanted!? You ensured that you would not be treading on anyone's toes, or rather offending anyone with your performance by letting them know, yet it seems like you couldn't win!
Unfortunately I tend to think that people don't appreciate it when others give them a helping hand as you have and that many people give their time and effort for free to help out. I worked voluntarily for a well know animal charity and it used to really confuse me when many of the committee would get into highly charged discussion and be upset with each other despite the fact that they were all good at what they did and were doing it for FREE!! Why is that? Can't people appreciate a good thing when they have it?

ModernUrbanSnowman · 06/07/2014 21:49

YANBU

if it's a "house of god", don't use it for stand-up comedy. If using it for stand-up, expect stand up.

Ah well. A source for another day's act maybe? To get something positive from it.

Koothrapanties · 06/07/2014 21:51

Yanbu. No more favours!

edamsavestheday · 06/07/2014 22:00

yeah, he was BU but mitnageek's right, use the experience for act and then at least you'll get some satisfaction from it.

PrincessTeacake · 07/07/2014 12:10

Thanks everyone, I was a little on the fence over who was BU. My poor friend who asked me to perform was close to having a panic attack afterwards, she's in charge of PR for the event and she's running into a lot of the problems I had when I was there.

I hate to say it because it sounds so sexist, but they have a big problem with 'dick waving' on the committee. Lots of sleazy behaviour, general incompetence smoothed over by ego posturing, nobody helping anyone unless they have a direct stake in what's going on. It was a big part of why I left. I've since joined another event with a mostly female committee and while there's problems, they're nothing like what I experienced before.

So shouty committee man, who I am told is a control freak, was simply dick waving it seems.

OP posts:
Crinkle77 · 07/07/2014 12:42

He sounds just like a bloke that was on a committee with my mum. She was treasurer and they were organising a fund raiser event. This new guy joined and decided he wanted to take over. My mum used organise the refreshments stall but this one year he decided to do it but like the OP's situation he didn't organise enough people to man it. Anyway my mum ended up roping in me and my sister to take the money and he wasn't very happy about it. He had arranged for his 15 year old grand daughter but she thought it was quite a big responsibility for a young girl.

Afterwards he insinuated that we could have helped ourselves to the money because he said no one kept a tally of what had been sold so they had no idea how much money they had taken on refreshments. I was so cross because we had helped them out of a fix and although he never accused us outright I felt that was what he was getting at.

She ended up leaving as treasurer because he was such a bully. I would tell your friend not to bother again and if an event fails it will make this man look an idiot.

caruthers · 07/07/2014 13:27

What sort of "Terrible things" were in your routine?

PrincessTeacake · 07/07/2014 15:25

Well, my routine usually focuses on feminism, sexism, life with a disability and ruining peoples perceptions of the porn industry. I did notice shouty throwing up his arms when I brought up the first mention of feminism.

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