to wonder what is worse

[oxfordmumma1]

Doing very little to help in home or doing stuff but making a mess of it.
Some examples
Dh rarely throws rubbish away or removes out of date stuff from fridge. Today he threw some out of date stuff away complete with expensive pampered chef clips.
Fortunately I discovered it. Of course I haven't mentioned it.
He cooked this evening. Fab. However he spilt some cream whilst cooking and used a clean tea towel to mop it up. Again I have kept quiet. Said tea towel is still on floor.
He went shopping and spent far too much money by not checking for multi buys etc. This is someone who moans we (meaning I) spend to much on shopping. An example is he spent £5 on 20 of an item but today I got 40 of said item for same price.
Sow what is worse? I can't decide. Thank you.

You sound a little controlling tbh but in a way which sounds like it could damage your mental health; when an issue arises you need to choose whether you're going to let it go or bring it up with him. Don't keep your frustration locked up inside, it will drive you crazy.
Pick your battles, of the examples you gave I def would have pointed out the clips and had a moan over using the tea towel rather than a cloth/kitchen roll.

Wow you're a bit PA. Why stay silent? Will just eat you up ?

Speak or forever hold your peace!

Life's too short to spend your weekend checking for supermarket multi buys! Maybe write him a list next time, or shop yourself if you have to time to browse the offers. At least he's willing! Ps. What did you buy 40 of for £5 anyway and why is the tea towel still on the floor?

Didn't seem worth it. I think part of me feels he behaves like his dad. There is a n family joke whereby fil changed a nappy once but made much a hash of it so he didn't have to do it again.
Part of me thinks that is what is going on here.

It isn't now. I have just picked it up. It was crisps which aren't even essential but dh eats loads of them.

No ones that stupid without doing it on purpose!!!

I'd te annoyed too tbh. Especially with the multi buys (provided it was something that could be kept a while or frozen).

And the tea towells just bloody lazy

Be

My DH canbe a little bit like this and it's just laziness on his part. He does the tea towel on floor thing and it pisses me off. He broke a wine glass this morning whilst washing up and it was still sat on the side by lunchtime. I think he was hoping I'd deal with it, but I'll be damned if I do. I have to take a hands off approach or all of his jobs would be half arsed and I would have to come along after and do the other half. He is much better now though.

I would have said something though otherwise next time your clips may go in the bin and you might not spot them next time.

I am currently re-training mine. A lot of his 'mistakes' are just sheer laziness because he knows I'll be along in a little while to clear up behind him. So now I'm going to try really hard to either pick him up on things and make him do it, or stop clearing up in his wake.
I think sometimes they pretend to be stupid so you will just take over!

O yes. Just found a bottle of beeron the side. Needs to be thrown outas it is out of date.
O and foolishly mentioned clips. Apparently he won't bother in future if I find fault.

Presumably he is intelligent enough to do these things correctly? Say something or let it go.

His ploy again..

Hmmm....and what would happen if you "didn't bother" for a while....

It's your way or the high way isn't it. Why are you so angry about this? It's not very significant. If you must rule so completely, why not just tell him what he's done without making a big deal of it? Would you mind taking the clips off before you bin the bags?/Please use kitchen roll for spills...

I'm surprised he's still doing anything at all given the landmines.

O and foolishly mentioned clips. Apparently he won't bother in future if I find fault.

So have you stopped shopping because he finds fault with the amount you spend?

It'sdeliberate
THe.idea,is.that.you.will.decide.it's.better.to.do.all,domestic.work.yourself.Because.it's.women's.work.

No.wonder.you're.angry.

areyoumymother, I completely agree.
Is there anything he does right? Is there anything that you appreciate him doing? Do you tell him you appreciate it when he does xyz?
If you need him to do something a different way (for a good reason, not just because you prefer it) ask him nicely.
And try to be a bit more flexible in how he does things.

I'm a bit torn here. On one hand, I can see how those things would be irritating. DH does similar. So do I!

On the other hand, if these are the worst things he does I think perhaps you could be less negative. Some of the husbands people post about on the Relationships board make me want to weep for them.

Well I thanked him for making dinner tonight and said how tasty it was. He however, has never thanked me for doing 2 hours of ironing today whilst dd was asleep and he watched grand prix. Or for doing the washing up and bedtime etc etc

You sound like hard work.

He shopped and cooked but not to your standard.

Classic case of Wifework. Does he call it "helping you out"? Taking the bins out "for you"? He thinks you're there to do the shit work.

And he requires praise for the half-arsed efforts he deigns to put in. Is he 14?

Hmm I think it depends, if he is doing things badly out of laziness or to get out of things then that is worse. Otherwise doing nothing is worse.

I think with the examples you gave in your op I would have mentioned the chef clip things but not in an angry way, in a 'oh btw noticed these in the bin. Next time can you check please as they cost x amount'.

I'd let go about using a tea towel rather than kitchen roll but would probably have said something like 'do you know why there's a tea towel on the floor? Did you mean to leave it there?'

With the shopping I would maybe tease that he moans about my spending but has missed out on a few bargains or something along those lines. I don't see why you should have to write a list for him (I think I read that in another post), you aren't his mum.

Might not have explained that very well but basically rather than jumping down his throat and giving him the chance to say 'fine I'm crap you better do it', i'd go more gentle pushes in the right direction. (I'm assuming you've tried the talking directly route already).

Sorry OP, just read your other threads and I think the writing's on the wall really.