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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

WIBU to tell him exactly what i think of him!!

4 replies

mismylinford · 06/07/2014 18:33

back story.
my parents divorced 5 years ago (non adultery reasons) my dad made it very difficult for my mum to get the divorce and refused to co operate to the point of him nearly being jailed for wasting courts time.
he was and is still extremely bitter about my mum leaving (i don't blame.her for leaving he was very controlling and verbally abusive).
when i had my first child he was still saying very hurtful things about my mum so i told him i wouldn't let him see dd if he said anything bad word about her in my presence. (its not fair on me or dd) for a while he was there and would take us out places but that stopped over a year ago when i announced i would be getting married. i told me i had to choose between him or my mum going.
so in Jan this year i got married with my mum there. he was invited to the reception which was a month later. he turned up late.... just in time to eat then left an hour later. he never said congratulations or even said i looked nice. as he left early he didn't hear the announcement that were expecting in October! and he found out second hand from a relative.
so last time i herd from him was March. he turned up randomly at my house the week before fathers day. he spent the whole time talking to dd... didn't even ask if i was ok (actually been off work and very sick with pregnancy and threatened mc but he never asked so i didn't tell him). dd told him she's so excited to go to.school soon and my dad didn't believe she was going.... yes she is she's old enough (just) for this years intake and is very ready for it. anyway after an hour he left he had nearly said 2 words to me at all and was all about dd. and i havnt herd from him since.
so i got a call from my sister today informing me that my dad intends to be with me to take dd on her first day of school in September and then travel to collect sisters dd.
he hasn't been in contract with me yet to ask.
WIBU if i completely blow my top at him if he does ask to gate crash this very special day.
he hasn't been in dd life in over a year not due to an argument... he just stopped coming round. he can't suddenly reappear at over the summer as he is going to the states all of August. (missing her birthday for 4 years in a row ... dd due to be 4).
WIBU? pregnant lady extreme rage i want to him with a rolling pin (i was making biscuits when i was told his plans).

OP posts:
HannerHet · 06/07/2014 18:36

YANBU, but he probably won't even turn up, going by past events. And if he does, I would just ignore him. Don't let him ruin your day

NynaevesSister · 06/07/2014 18:41

YANBU. My concern is he is just going to turn up on the morning. Your DD will be thrilled and he will use that to force his way along as he knows you won't say or so anything to upset her.

Does your dad know what day she starts school?

mismylinford · 06/07/2014 18:46

my dad knows what day but not which school there are two in close vicinity and I've told my sister (who told him she didn't want him to come) not to tell him which school she's at... or if anything... the wrong school.
i would never say anything bad about him in front of dd ... i know what its like to have loved ones slated i wouldn't do that to her.

OP posts:
Hissy · 06/07/2014 19:11

I think you have to tackle this head on and call him.

Ask him if what sis said is true, because if it is, he has no right to assume that anything is ok without checking with you first.

Say that if he insists on seeing her on her first school day, suggest tea, so he can ask her what she thought.

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