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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Moving in with inlaws

44 replies

Teddybeau1988 · 06/07/2014 17:48

Sorry this is not an aibu, more of a wwyd, I am posting here for traffic. We currently live in a 2 bed local housing association flat. We had our third DC in March resulting in us technically being overcrowded. That wait for u to be transferred will be at least 10yr +, by which time our eldest would have possibly flown the nest anyway. The private rent here is out of our price range, in an area of London that has unexpectedly become trendy. We could move in with DPs parents and try to save enough for a deposit, although its doubtful we would be given a mortgage. Part of me thinks I would be stupid to give up a secure lifetime tenancy but on the other hand the flats awful and on a rough estate that I do not want DC growing up on. Wwyd?

OP posts:
paxtecum · 06/07/2014 18:35

I'd seriously consider it.

How are they with your DCs?

LeoandBoosmum · 06/07/2014 18:35

I'm assuming your inlaws have offered and the idea has been throughly explored (don't rush into anything in desperation)? How is your relationship with the inlaws? Living with inlaws is different from visiting, obviously. Would the house be divided up so you had your own family space?
Would you pay them a rent? Not being intrusive but it would make a difference re your long-term goals and plans...and no rent at all may cause resentment on their part and (unintentionally) complacency on yours...
If you are stopping at 3 children and you think it would be 10 plus years to get a larger place in a more desirable area with your HA then your youngest would be almost ready to start secondary school by then and the eldest may possibly have left home. You don't say what you do but to increase your chances of a healthy income perhaps you/ your OH could retrain over the next few years (hard with the children, I appreciate) and may be able to get together a deposit for a mortgage (when your youngest is at secondary school and you don't have to fit your life so much around childcare?)
Have you discussed the problem of the HA turning you down in the future with your inlaws? What are their thoughts?
Providing it's well thought out and everyone is happy/ knows where they stand/ there are rules etc in place, then I would be tempted to take the risk. Your relationship would have to be VERY strong with your inlaws though. How would you feel, for example, about your FIL or MIL chastising on of your children? What would happen re sharing communal spaces eg kitchen/ bathrooms? What happens if you'd like to invite a relative or friend over to stay over the night?
It is worth is, IMO, to give your children a better chance, especially if the school is really great and they would have a safer environment to play in etc...

Original poster
Teddybeau1988 · 06/07/2014 18:36

They offered, so we could save up for a deposit. They said they said they would give us a deposit, but world war three would then break out with his siblings

OP posts:
WhereDoAllTheCalculatorsGo · 06/07/2014 18:42

I wouldn't move in with the in-laws. I used to be a housing officer. Three children in one bedroom (in my area anyway) used to be classed as 'not usual for the area' and would get many extra 'social points' on the housing register. Don't give up on the council and don't take their first 'no' as gospel. Pester them a bit.

XiX · 06/07/2014 18:44

Have they suggested it?

Your flat does sound too small plus it's extra awkward with your kids ages.

XiX · 06/07/2014 18:48

It might be WW3 with the siblings if you moved into their parents house anyway. If your InLaws are keen to help could they give you a pre payment of any inheritance - with the will amended to reflect the early payout. IYSWIM

Original poster
Teddybeau1988 · 06/07/2014 18:51

It was their idea. They have 4 bathrooms, 2 living rooms and they have a play room for the kids already.

I've been pestering the housing office to be moved ever since we moved in 9years ago. Next door have 5 kids in an identical flat :-/

OP posts:
Original poster
Teddybeau1988 · 06/07/2014 18:53

DPs brother lives in Australia and isn't fussed and his sister lives nearby and thinks it'll be good as I can mind her son when she's back at work

OP posts:
Puzzledandpissedoff · 06/07/2014 19:33

They offered, so we could save up for a deposit. They said they said they would give us a deposit, but world war three would then break out with his siblings

I hate to mention this, but if that's the case won't the siblings play up anyway, thinking yo're getting subsidised housing?

I'd slit my own throat before moving in with my in laws, but quite appreciate that others aren't like them and it can work ... but surely only if absolutely everything's discussed and ironed out beforehand? Given all the things that could go wrong, it seems drastic move unless you have a rock solid exit plan, rather than just hoping something will turn up

Janethegirl · 06/07/2014 19:48

I just wouldn't move in with either PILs or my parents, because even if there is plenty of space, the ideas for raising children are generally completely non compatible. I would only consider a separate house/flat with a front door which had a strong lock (ideally 50 miles away).

ThePinkOcelot · 06/07/2014 21:22

I'd rather eat my own liver served on a bed of lettuce than move in with my ILs!

littlemisssarcastic · 06/07/2014 21:35

How long do you intend on staying with your IL's?

If you voluntarily give up a social housing property when you're as close as possible to being rehoused without actually being rehoused, you will probably be living with your PIL's for longer than you would be waiting for a larger council property.

I'd probably put a time limit on how long I was prepared to wait on the housing list and then be like a dog with a bone to get moved until that time had lapsed before I chose to move in with PIL.

MexicanSpringtime · 06/07/2014 21:59

Would it be possible to move in with them on a trial basis without giving up your flat? For, say, three months?

Runlegsrun · 06/07/2014 22:11

Move in for a trial period.

But do consider moving out if London

Parietal · 06/07/2014 22:16

can you afford to buy your LA flat from the council? might be worth doing that. then after a few years, you can either sell it (& get a good deposit on a better place) or rent it out?

ILoveCoreyHaim · 06/07/2014 22:17

Im in Gateshead, its the opposite here, there are too many 2 beds as people need 1 beds due to bedroom tax. No one wants 2 beds as the people in 3 bed houses would rather pay the £12 and keep the house, extra room and garden. People in 2 bed flats will move into 1 beds and not pay BT.

ILoveCoreyHaim · 06/07/2014 22:19

3 2 bed flats in my street have been empty for weeks and weeks

RabbitSaysWoof · 06/07/2014 22:29

I would take the deposit offered and fight the war with siblings.
Do they even need to know? I wouldn't have a clue how much my dp's help any of my brothers.

Lele22 · 07/07/2014 00:55

I think you should go for it. But first have a 2 weeks trial living there! If it doesn't work out grab the deposit money and run ;)

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