Was I being OTT to threaten contacting the police?

[CharlieBrookerScowl]

Broke up with my ex 3 and a half weeks ago. We'd been together almost 2yrs. At first he was angry and that was fine. I was very clear, everytime he asked in that first week, that it was 100% over. I had many reasons and felt he'd never change and I'd been very stressed and unhappy for months before. I was sent some horrid texts off his family near the end of the week.

The second week I'd asked him not to contact me and then got a few texts after that but he eventually left it. After lots of emotionally manipulative texts. I'm talking long essays about how sad he is/misses me & DS (not his and he was crap with him when we were together)/his family are upset/other kids keep asking after DS.

Then yesterday, after a week and a half of no contact (thank god, I thought that was it) he contacted me out of the blue with another guilt-trippy essay and begged me to just talk to him for a few minutes. It caught me off guard so I stupidly agreed as he said he just wanted to ask after DS etc (I am such a bloody idiot). He almost managed to talk me into meeting yesterday but I just said I couldn't handle it/didn't trust him not to try and beat me submission (not physically!) like he had been since we split. He really seemed to think enough harassment would win me back!

He sent lots of texts that I ignored after that begging to come over for just fifteen minutes and I was actually really creeped out all night. It was crap and every sound had me on edge (I live in a ground floor flat and needed the windows open as it was so hot)!

I replied in the morning saying please don't contact me. I asked you not to contact me before. To which he sent another essay begging to come over/we need to be together/give it a chance and I just saw red. I don't want to feel scared in my own home!! So I threatened to call 101 (and meant it). Was sent a reply along the lines of 'I can't believe you'd threaten that when I'm just telling you I love you' Err I asked you not to contact me twice, in plain terms and you're scaring me. He has form for ignoring me wrt to boundary issues anyway.

I wasn't being OTT was I!?

No you wasn't being OTT you have asked him more than once not to contact you.

If you have an iphone I would block his number.

No. You have to nip this in the bud. At some point you may need to get a restraining order if this continues or even escalates. To stop it getting to that point, it's no harm underlining just how serious you are.

No you were not OTT. He sounds very stalkerish.

No, you are not being OTT.
ANYONE is entitled to leave a relationship that's making them unhappy and he needs to respect your wishes.

You weren't being OTT to threaten it but at this stage it would be OTT to actually do it.
He's not threatening you at present. Just block his number. I'm surprised you haven't already done so

I have a Samsung and have set his number as spam so he can't call and his texts go into a different folder. But I stupidly un-spammed it when he stopped contact the first time as I thought that was it.

It's obviously re-blocked and will stay that way! I just didn't expect him to push it so far. It really creeped me out tbh. And then I barely slept fri night as I was scared he'd show up pissed (he drinks at a friends house near mine every fri) and wake up DS etc

Hopefully that's it though!

I wouldn't call them unless he turned up but he doesn't know that. I just wanted him to stop.

No, you weren't. In fact, I think I'd call them anyway just to log what's been going on. If you are feeling scared or worried in your home, then it's already gone too far.

Even if you had no reasons to end it, other than "I just don't want to be with you anymore" you still have every right to end the relationship. He does not have the right to harrass you, and scare you.

No. You are not being over the top, and if if this harassment continues, you should contact the police.

Don't let him make you doubt yourself. No one deserves to be harassed.

Make sure you keep all the texts, as these are evidence.

It's harrassment. Do phone 101, ask their advice and they will tell you the same and offer to have a word with him. I had a similar experience, and apart from one final text saying "police have been in touch and I won't be texting any more" there was no further contact.

Keep them all and log them OP, just in case he starts using another phone. Then you still have all the texts from before to show his harassment and how you've tried to block.

I'll keep any future ones. But I've told my DM so she knows (and is the one who suggested threatening/actually calling 101 just to log it as she's had to do similar in the past).

When we split it was because I ws just really unhappy despite still being in love etc and just wanted out. He was basically a quite nice cocklodger.

But he's clung on to the fact I said it wasn't that I didn't love him. Rather than the part where I'd been unhappy for ages and just wanted a clean break! My fault a bit as I should've just told him to fuck off instead of explaining/giving him ammunition for the future but I never thought he'd be so odd. He didn't speak to any of his exes once they split so I just expected him to get angry (he did) then just sulk off.

Definitely speak to someone, so they are in the know about it. They'll give you a reference number so anything future you can call up, quote the number, and they'll know the back story.

I wasn't sure what they'd actually do/if they'd log it. Thanks.

He has to walk past every day to get to work which is horrid but we're moving in the next month or so and no way will he be finding out where.

They can actually log it and not do anything atm if that is what you want.

I know this because I had some threatening messages from someone on FB and they did this for me.

Ah ok.

He's stopped I think but I thought that last week. Thought I hadn't threatened the police like that.

Might as well log it anyway as he walks past everyday and I'd just feel a bit better about it I think.

Can't help feeling like I was being a bit over-dramatic about it but I was so on edge all friday night and it feels horrid to be wondering if they're going to appear at your window etc and even him just staring at the house every morning. (I'm always in the kitchen at that time making DSs lunch and getting ready etc though I shut the blind as far as I can without it being dark)!

I had an ex (not so nice cocklodger) that would cling on to the fact 'I still loved him' even though I wanted to split up. He also held on to some money he owed me as a reason to stay in contact. In the end I said keep the money if you're that sort of person to basically steal it off me (it was thousands) I don't love you and I don't want any contact with you. He paid it back eventually but I did have to lie about not loving him because sadly I did. Just couldn't be with him anymore. My point being maybe if you say you don't love him, he can't use it as an excuse to keep contacting you, and I think it's better for them to be able to move on too instead of thinking 'if only'. And YWNBU for contacting 101. Especially as you have a child.

I'm just not going to contact him again if he does and log it. I made it very clear that I wouldn't change my mind and that 'love' was irrelevant at that point as I was so unhappy and too much had happened to ever 'clean the slate' as it were. But I see what you mean

I don't feel like I love him anymore anyway as I've been so angry that he's be so selfish and unpleasant after breaking up with him for basically being selfish and unpleasant! How on earth he thinks that's a good way to win someone back I don't know