To feel angry let down and hurt

[Blossum123]

Iv been best friends with this lady over 10 years . Iv always been there for her . She has been a good friend but last 3 months really hurt me .
Iv been through a bereavement and she has been to busy to see me - yrs she works a lot but she has cancelled me twice saying she has to go into work - she can't make any time for me till end July yet has found time to buy a dog . They are having new kitchen and conservatory so understand she's busy - but iv not seen her since may - in that time she's cancelled twice . Iv had a sudden bereavement .am I unreasonable to feel let down

Not unreasonable no.

In regards to the cancelling for work then that really is out of her hands however there is plenty of time left in a week to have a coffee and a chat.

Have you thought OP that maybe your friend does not handle death very well?
Some people do not know what to say or how to act around somebody who is grieving and instead unconsciously remove them self for a period of time until the worst is over so to speak.

If she is such a good friend then be honest with her. Tell her you need her you need your friends support and love at this time.

I am sorry for your loss OP

Hi Thankyou - she has been a great friend previously and supported me through my dads death 5 yrs ago .its made me think tho she doesn't cope with stress well .. I wonder if she's feeling the strain ? I'm angry as I needed her - how childish eh .

Not unreasonable, though I think you should speak to her about it. She may be being shit and think you can cope and in her eyes that justifies not being there. Or as Dotty mention, she may just not know how to cope or be a friend at this time.

Not childish no just grieving. Sometimes when you are caught up in your own pain you cannot see the whole picture. That is normal.

Give her a call today. Start by asking her if she is ok? If she replies yes why, just say well I am having a really tough time what with xxx death and I need my friend but you have been distant so I wondered if you are ok and if there was anything wrong that I have missed.

This will either prompt an apology and a meet up or it will prompt her to speak about what is going on in her life that maybe causing her to be a bit distant.

Sorry for your loss op. Like previous person says some people don't know how to deal with death. It might be that something else us going on in her life at the moment which she's not telling you due to your recent loss and she's not able to cope at the moment. If she's a good friend speak to her. Suggest so walk with the new dog for a coffee somewhere. X

Not childish at all op.

She has suffered with depression to which iv been there every step of the way ( insisting gp appoints etc ) her work put a lot on her short notice snd she doesn't say no . Iv suffered with anxiety so do understand - I just needed her , iv text her saying how anxious iv been so she knows and how I'm struggling - I feel like I'm having to beg her to b there x

Op sounds like she needs some support just like you at the moment. I wonder if the dog was bought for a reason. Do you have family who other friends who can support you. Sending you hugs x

Yeah I'm now thinking she possibly isn't coping - Thankyou sometimes it helps to see another's perspective x

Sometimes people just have a certain amount of intense support in them.. maybe she just hasn't got it in her to support you through another bereavement. Is it just her you lean on when things are tough?

If she is suffering with her own stress and her own issues somebody telling her they are anxious and need you only adds to it. Maybe she felt she couldn't deal with your anxiety as well as her own.

I am not meaning to sound harsh.

Maybe if you make a meet up more neutral. By that I mean text her and instead of saying I need you, I'm anxious/stressed say I have really missed you. Can we meet for a coffee and have a normal everyday chat as I am fed up of grieving and just want to be normal.

I know this is not true but it will reduce any pressure on your friend to be supportive if she is not in a place in her life where she can offer that.

Once you meet up I would imagine the conversation will naturally flow and that she will support you because she is your friend.