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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be a bit upset about this comment from little boy

32 replies

Mouthfulofquiz · 05/07/2014 21:25

I met up with my SIL and nephews today at the beach. One of my nephews is 4. I've got a three month old baby. I'm breastfeeding so haven't had much break to excercise - I'm probably a largish 12 at the moment, normally a size 10-12. My nephew asked if I was having another baby and tapped my tummy. I already feel like my hair is shit, my skin is shit, and I'm a bit sleep deprived, so this really was the icing on the cake!
I tried to rationalise it by saying to myself 'ah well, he's only four' but then I started to think that kids of that age don't really lie about that sort of thing do they? And he's such a sweet boy that he wouldn't say anything on purpose to be mean.
AIBU to have taken this so much to heart? In real life I am a strong minded professional woman so I'm a bit shocked at how much this comment has upset me.

OP posts:

glenthebattleostrich · 05/07/2014 21:29

Oh love, kids are horrid aren't they.

I was told by a little boy I look after that I have squishy boobies and tummy the other day. His sister told me my hair makes my face look funny.

Apparently we have to love them.

everythinghippie29 · 05/07/2014 21:34

At 4 he probably was just curious about the baby and where he came from and might not have been making any reference to size!

To be fair, you are also only 3 months post partum so are well entitled to be carrying a little tummy pouch! I'm 7 months here and still have a pot belly despite being pretty much back to normal elsewhere!

Kids can be brutal though, my neice once stroked me and told me she loved me because I was spotty like a dog- made me feel great about my acne!

YAB(understandably) U, he's 4 and I'm sure wasn't passing scathing judgement on your physique, but you can't help how you feel. Squidge your little 3 month old and know that every extra bit you might be carrying now is there because you grew and carried a whole new person for the best part of a year! It took you 9 months to get there it is natural for it to take at least 9 months to get back!

Im sure you look a lot better than you feel. :)

Pancakeflipper · 05/07/2014 21:35

He didn't mean to upset you but with a 3month old you are probably not looking like the aunt he knows.

I'd say ignore it but if you feel your hair is crap, skin crap -is there anyway you can get some wonderful you-time to sit in a chair at the hairdressers for an hour sipping a coffee and getting someone else to do your hair. I think my hairdresser saved my sanity after the birth of my second child.

Original poster

Mouthfulofquiz · 05/07/2014 21:37

I'm going to express a couple of bottles this week and book an appointment for this coming weekend. It seems really vain but I'm sure I will feel a bit better about myself once my hair isn't such a bloody shambles.

OP posts:

honeybeeridiculous · 05/07/2014 21:38

When I worked in a nursery a little boy asked if i had a baby in my tummy. My youngest was 4 y o at the time I replied no im just fat

elQuintoConyo · 05/07/2014 21:39

It's when you're 2 1/2 years post-partem and an adult asks if you're expecting another, "because you look about 6 months gone" that you really get pissed off.

Give your lovely baby a squishy cuddle, have a cup of tea and some

frames · 05/07/2014 21:39

If I was your SIL I would have picked him up for this. He may have a gf in the future, and needs to get the hang of things. Also worse if he starts making loud observations of anyone who looks slightly different. Making judgements based on appearances needs to be dealt with before school age.

rattyboombatty · 05/07/2014 21:39

If it helps, my 2 yr old kindly pointed out the 'bubbles on mummy's chin'. He loves bubbles. I'm not so keen on the zits he was referring to xx

MrsWinnibago · 05/07/2014 21:40

My 16 year old niece said "You still look pregnant!" when I'd just got home after an emergency section...it did make me sad but she didn't mean to hurt me,....I DID look pregnant and she just let the words slip out! Try to forget it!xx

elQuintoConyo · 05/07/2014 21:41

Honeybeerediculous I also answered no, I'm just fat with a big fake smile on my face

Pancakeflipper · 05/07/2014 21:46

At a children's party last week my DP saw one of the mother's he knows I am friendly with, and said "wow, Pancakeflipper never mentioned you are expecting baby number 4, you are looking well, how's it going?" And yeah she's not expecting.

Poor woman was wearing her gym gear at school this week, apparently taken up running. I am still cringing and neither of us have mentioned DP's crass comment.

ElleBellyBeeblebrox · 05/07/2014 22:29

Dd asked me this week if I was growing another brother for her, and patted my tummy. Ds is 13 months old! Don't worry x

deakymom · 05/07/2014 22:33

ahhhh my son did this OMG mommy there isn't another one in there is there i thought we HAD the baby (points to his brother) i thought he was the last ONE no more of us YOU SAID (quite accusingly at this point then the hopeful) will this one be a girl? (deep breath later) no son i'm not having any more i'm just FAT OKAY?????? he went to find the chocolate and told his sister mommy needs a cup of tea MAKE ONE! good husband in training?

whitepuddingsupper · 05/07/2014 22:35

Wait until your baby is 3 and asks you loudly in the swimming pool changing rooms why your tummy is jiggly and has all those stripes on it as mine did the other day .

Try not to take it to heart, although I know it can hurt to hear what seems like criticism when you're already feeling down.

airplanesandsun · 05/07/2014 22:52

My 4 year old said the same to me and her brother is 2.5!!! 4 year olds have no (adult) concept of fat / thin etc . Tummy = baby lol. I am only a size 8 but have a wobbly tummy !!

EmptyNestAgain · 05/07/2014 22:58

At the risk of sounding too flippant, my DS is 23, and I've still got my baby fat!
4 year olds are notoriously 'honest' but don't mean to be cruel. After only 3 months, you're allowed to be a bit less than perfect, you know. Don't beat yourself up.

mommy2ash · 05/07/2014 22:59

you have to have a pretty thick skin around kids. no matter how mannerly they are they tend to say things as they see them without a filter.

you only had a baby three months ago you know you arent the size you were before and most women wouldn't be either. give yourself time you will get there.

appealtakingovermylife · 05/07/2014 23:08

My 3 year old dd has been telling her preschool teachers that "my mummy has a baby in her tummy" cue lots of how are you? Everything ok? Questions until she told me what she'd been saying:) no, mummy just has a fat tummy!
It turns out that there are 2 pregnant staff members and dd now thinks everybody with a less than washboard stomach is pregnant. Oh dear!!

HibiscusIsland · 05/07/2014 23:10

One of the staff at my dd's preschool saw us at the bus stop and offered me a lift home and when I accepted she said "I expect it's difficult to drive in your condition."

Memphisbelly · 05/07/2014 23:11

My ds looked at my pregnant friend then me and said 'mummy you haven't got a baby in your tummy have you? It is just full of cake'

HibiscusIsland · 05/07/2014 23:15

Ps. Youngest was 3 at the time

VampyreofTimeandMemory · 05/07/2014 23:16

don't panic, as pp has said, many of us still look a bit pregnant 3 months post-partum, I've been asked twice if I am and both times were shortly after childbirth. Still, a bit upsetting especially when you're hormonal!

I was on the bus once and a woman got on and asked for a ticket to the hospital (just happens to be one of the stops on the route) and he replied jovially, "big day, is it?". woman was a bit and it soon became apparent that he thought she was 9 months gone. it was embarrassing to witness never mind be a part of... cringe.

your nephew has the excuse of being very young at least :) don't take it to heart!

CrispyFB · 05/07/2014 23:18

My five year old has been the epitome of tactless over my tummy (4 months old today) and it does hurt. My three year old keeps accusing me of having another baby in there which doesn't help either! I'm trying to do something about it as of a few weeks ago but of course it takes time. I will get there in the end as I did the previous three times (on DC4 now) but this is one of the worst times for body confidence.

As regards getting your hair done - take baby along if you're okay with that! I got mine done last week, took best part of three hours and they were totally fine with me feeding her in the chair and pushing her back and forth in the pushchair when I needed my hair washing. I didn't even ask them to - they offered.. I think they just loved having a tiny baby around to coo over for three hours

MiscellaneousAssortment · 05/07/2014 23:29

Ds (4) is obsessed by my nipples, he keeps asking 'why are they so BIG mummy' and the worst was when he said 'why are they hanging mummy?' ... As in hanging down - waaaaaaaah.

Well you little flocker, err I mean 'apple of my
eye', they are big and pendulous as I let you chew on them for ten months and turn your head to stare at the world with nipple clamped firmly in your jaws. I had lovely boobs and nipples before I sacrificed them to my obnoxious child! Grrrr. When are they old enough to shout back 'it's all your fault you little beep!'

[sobs]

But seriously... How old do they have to be?

whethergirl · 05/07/2014 23:31

I think the comment just pushed a button - you were probably feeling a bit shit anyway, what with the sleep deprivation and not many mums are feeling their most glamorous 3 months after giving birth!

First of all the sleep deprivation...I remember one time when DS was about the same age, I was about to go out and meet some friends and decided not to. I felt these 'friends' disliked me anyway, I had nothing interesting to say, and I looked like I'd aged 10 years. Come to think of it, I didn't like these friends. In fact I didn't like anyone. Then DS, after a string of particularly sleepless nights, decided to have a very long daytime nap, so I napped too. I woke up A DIFFERENT PERSON. Seriously. I loved my friends after all and when I looked in the mirror I thought I looked fine!

When DS was about 3 months old, I couldn't fit into any of my pre pregnancy clothes. I lost interest in fashion altogether and actually wished I could wear my pjs all day long. I didn't have time to do my hair and make up like I used to. I forgot to pluck my eyebrows. I didn't have time to dye my grey roots or exercise, none of my bras fit me etc. etc. However, another 3 months later, I had a bit of a makeover and gradually got 'me' back.

Honestly, give it time. Meanwhile, having your hair done will help!

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