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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To tell the girl on the train she's not chubby?

49 replies

ziggiestardust · 05/07/2014 19:19

Two teens sat on the train, one just told her very normal sized friend; you're not fat, you're just chubby.

AIBU to tell her she's lovely as she is?

OP posts:

PamBagnallsGotACollage · 05/07/2014 20:00

Such a kind thing to do, OP! Go you!

I was a size10/12 when I was about 14. I had a group of friends who were a bit smaller than me. Size 8/10 maybe. They were always making comments about how I was bigger, my legs were fatter etc. I naturally drifted from them and made much nicer friends and remember standing in front of a mirror in the toilet and thinking, 'oh, I don't feel shit about myself'.

It was because these new friends didn't ever say anything less than positive about me. And actually, these new friends were much lovelier looking that the the old friends and me. So it wasn't that I felt better than them I just felt happy with myself when I was with them. They were just nice people too.

londonrach · 05/07/2014 20:02

You nice op. Size doesn't matter it's the person that matters and sounds like this teen needs new friends

Thisvehicleisreversing · 05/07/2014 20:05

I had a bitchy friend like this growing up. She would always make little comments about my size and say how she had the perfect proportions to be a model.

Looking back I realise she only said things because she was jealous. Yes, she was tall with good proportions but I had a banging body, all hips and tits.

I only wish I knew it at the time.

If someone said this to my 16 year old self it would have made me feel lovely, well done op.

Alisvolatpropiis · 05/07/2014 20:10

That was a nice thing you did, op

mommy2ash · 05/07/2014 20:12

could the friend possibly have been trying to cheer her up? if she was maybe calling herself fat and the friend said no not fat but a bit chubby. no point calling her skinny if it would be a lie.

LucyStafford · 05/07/2014 20:14

Oh I'm glad you told her OP. Good woman.

Cruikshank · 05/07/2014 20:17

What a lovely thing to do, OP. I had an eating disorder as a teenager and was really very underweight at one point. One of my friends was constantly comparing herself to me and saying how much fatter I was than her, which just spurred me onto further trouble - at one point I weighed less than 7 stone (I am 5'7). Looking back now, I know that it was patently untrue that she was less than that. Years later, as a new mum, I confided in her that I was unhappy with how 'fat' I was, and she said 'Well, you were always a size 12/14 anyway, weren't you?' which was not only inaccurate but also not at all a helpful thing to say to someone with a history of eating disorder trying to come to terms with their new shape and size post-partum. I suppose this is a long-winded way of trying to say that sometimes other women can be very cruel to people with eating issues, whether that be eating too much or not enough or vomiting or whatever, and it's a breath of fresh air to read about someone cutting through all this crap that goes on and hopefully giving confidence to a person who is dealing with the unhealthy thoughts of those around her. So well done OP and I'm sure it helped her.

Poussay · 05/07/2014 20:21

OP you sound lovely!

wellnowthenmardybum · 05/07/2014 20:21

I remeber when I was a teen, me and some 'friends' were trying on some clothes. I tried on a quite tight dress and my friends proceded to tell me I could no way wear it as I had a weird body with no boobs and it looked stupid yadada . A woman who overheard told me the dress looked lovely on me and I looked fine. I bought the dress and still remeber that woman years later. Well done op

DontPutMeDownForCardio · 05/07/2014 20:23

Well done op I wish someone had said that to me when I was age 14 and just under 9 st. I thought I was so fat. I just let myself get fatter.

tallulahturtle · 05/07/2014 22:52

I remember when i was at college aged 16/17 and i had worn my hair down for the first time in years as i think a hair tie broke. Someone commented how lovely i looked with my hair down. It was someone i didn't know so knew they weren't just trying to be nice. Haven't worn my hair up since. Compliments from strangers are the most powerful as they are generally not just trying to be nice they have no hidden agenda like your family/ friends would have trying to bolster your confidence by being nice .

ShineSmile · 05/07/2014 23:01

What a lovely thing to do OP, I'm so glad you did

Haffdonga · 05/07/2014 23:05

Nice story. How did the bitchy friend react when you said that?

Saoirseba · 06/07/2014 05:01

So instead of telling her that she looks lovely no matter what size, you decide to tell her that she "isn't chubby or fat, she looks lovely" as if those things are mutually exclusive. Nice.

Petitgrain · 06/07/2014 05:24

No she decided to tell her the truth, to counteract a bitchy lie, d'ya see? Why don't you go back to sleep for a bit, you've obviously woken up a right grumpy caaahh.

Coughle · 06/07/2014 05:45

Morethan why are neutral coloured bras better? Very curious as I've never heard that before!

BuzzardBird · 06/07/2014 06:19

Because white bras really show underneath clothing. Neutral bras are invisible under white or pastel clothing as they tone into your skin colour better(if you are that colour obviously)

Coughle · 06/07/2014 08:10

Of course... That makes sense. Thank you!!

Nerf · 06/07/2014 08:23

I don't know if yabu. I hate to say it but I suspect, based on my knowledge of teens, that whether it makes a difference will be entirely based on your own appearance and 'quiche' rating.
Otherwise, teen's friend will take the piss about it. Plus teens don't want to be normal do they, they want to be skinny, gorgeous, etc etc.

Original poster

ziggiestardust · 06/07/2014 13:55

well only on AIBU could you be told you may be being U for trying to boost a teen girl's confidence

The friend didn't say anything, she looked quite shocked but I wasn't speaking to her, I was talking to the other girl.

'Fat' and 'chubby' are unreasonable terms to use around teens; their minds are still such a mixed bag of emotions, you have no idea whether that would be the offhand comment that might tip them into making themselves ill.

My point to the girl was to tell her she was in proportion, and she looked lovely. It's sad that the focus has to be on weight. And actually, so what if she had been overweight? It certainly wasn't her friend's place to tell her that, and it's a symptom of the problem that society is obsessed with how teens look!

The message society is giving out to them is "binge drink, take recreational drugs and smoke if you really must, but for Christ's Sake don't Be Fat."

OP posts:

Original poster

ziggiestardust · 06/07/2014 13:58

And also, I told her she looked normal, and I used lovely in relation to the way she was dressed, because I thought her t shirt was nice.

So seriously saoir, do fuck off dearie.

OP posts:

FreeSpirit89 · 06/07/2014 14:15

Well done.

I too wish that had happened to me, I walked past a pub once at 15 and some drunk woman told me if I didn't stick my boobs out when I was walking if never catch a mans eye :s xx

OafOrForksAche · 06/07/2014 14:40

What a lovely thing to do OP :)

theoldtrout01876 · 06/07/2014 14:54

Wish you would come tell my red haired teenager shes not fat.

She is 5 foot 1 and a size 0 or 1, tiny little thing but is constantly saying shes fat :( ( She has some seriously bitchy friends,a couple of whom are actually chubby and beautiful with it ). My DD1 is actually head turniningly pretty and so tiny but listens to her friends and not me :(

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