Do kids need minding after school (secondary school)

[WhenSheWasBadSheWasHorrid]

Not sure why I'm starting to worry about this now (my eldest is three).

When I was a kid I would walk home (one mile) from the age of 8 and let myself in the house. I know things are a bit different now but I've read loads of threads where people seem to need to meet their secondary school age kids after school.

I'm already worrying about this, I kind of assumed that from age eleven you could expect the vast majority of kids to get themselves home on their own and not kill themselves at home for an hour (or possibly two) while I'm still at work.

braces self for lots of why did you have children if you didn't want to actually parent them comments

Damn just realised I haven't asked it in an aibu unreasonable style - sorry

Mine get the bus home and take care of themselves for a couple of hours a couple of days a week, they are independent and well behaved, so I, and they, have no problems with that.

Depends on the kids I guess....

It depends on the child and also the hormones. Some teenagers are all about pushing boundaries, walking home and preparing food never concerned me with DS1 but the internet, peer pressure and the inability to tell the truth where the problem. This wonderful spell lasted 12 months and during this time he did need supervision or my house trashed or neighbours complaining. Dd1 no problem.

I wouldn't have a problem with it, but my kids don't really like being left for too long. So depends on the child.
Mine are quite trustworthy though.

I've been thinking about this recently. Ds1 is 9 , so a couple of years off secondary.
Both boys currently go to a cm before and after school, but her reg is only up to 12 yrs old. Dh and i dont get home till half 5 and this seems a long time for Ds1 to be home alone at 11/12.

I was a latch key kid from 7, so I know it can be fine, however, I also know what I used to get up to, and it wasn't homework !!

Would be interesting to know what others do.

It is something I am thinking about but dont need to act on just yet as my ds is just 5. He has SEN so I will have to wait & see how he turns out before making childcare arrangements for him when he is 11.

they don't need you in a practical sense, they can take care of themselves. Where I think older kids need you, (more than primary age kids) is in an emotional way. High school can be full of stress and anxiety. I used to come home to an empty house and hated it. Older children need their parents more than younger children, especially during the teen years.

I've just come across this dilemma with my 12 yr old. I've opted for a childminder for the 1-2 hours I need. It would mean 3 buses home from school otherwise and I don't think he's ready for that. He has mild SN buries often left alone in the house for an hour or so

Depends on the child. It is fine if a short period and they can be trusted. Walking home from school can use up some of the time. After school clubs, local sports clubs may be useful. At age 12 I used to walk from school to a local leisure centre one day a week.

You'll know yourself when your children get older.

From 11th bday (last year primary), I let my eldest come home and look after himself for 2 hours rather than after school care - he was fine. He's just finishing his first year at secondary now and has been completely fine getting himself off to school (we all leave the house before him) and after school - he does the breakfast dishes in the morning and puts washing on after school etc too.

I'll do the same with my youngest when he's in his last year of primary.

Yes, secondary school age children can normally go to and from school competently and let themselves in when they get home.

It was a bit scary when I first gave a key to my eldest, but unless the younger siblings did no afterschool clubs ever (ie had to give up footie and ballet) there was no way I could be back from the primary pick up in time to be at home. And I thought that was massively unfair on the younger ones. But in no time at all it was as if he'd been doing it forever.

Just be clear on ground rules and what to do in an emergency.

My oldest DS is 16 and we have been fortunate that our working arrangements mean either DH or I are always home from mid-afternoon, so it wasn't a problem we had. However many of DSs friends have parent free houses after school. These are the houses the kids hang out at after school, DS never has his friends round after school or in the holidays (they are more than welcome in small groups) but they do come round at weekends. In my experience once they hit 14 this starts happening.
One of my friends (who lives a 3 min walk from our DCs secondary) now has surprise visits home during lunchtime as her house was the go to place for the lunch hour. Her very respectable son and his equally nice bunch of friends (bright boys, most of whom she has known for years and from lovely families) were using it as their lunchtime hangout where they would grab lunch, play computer games and smoke some dope.
If we'd been in the position of neither of us being at home after school we would have confidently let DS1 be home alone, but not sure I would be so keen with DS2. Not because I don't trust him, more that I don't want to put him in the position of being the friend with the empty house.

My dd1 is 9 and walks herself to and from school, about a 10 min walk. I'm there most days when she gets home, but one day a week she is on her own for about 1.5hrs. She calls me when she gets home so I know she's there.