To not want more children?

[Ifyourawizardwhydouwearglasses]

Am currently v pregnant and due any day with DS. Already have DD.
I do not enjoy pregnancy, I usually do lots of sport so what with pregnancy and BF I miss out on a couple of years really for each one.

I'm a sahm and do all childcare myself as DH works very long hours.

He wants more children. I'd be happy with just 2. He's gutted as he's always wanted a big family, after being an only child. I feel guilty as I'm standing in the way of this in effect, and for the seemingly selfish reasons of wanting my body back. I just feel like a host. We'll have 2 under 2 and I do it pretty much alone. I'm sure I'd want endless kids if someone else birthed and cared for them!

So AIBU to say 'no more'? I kind of feel like I am....

You could suggest a compromise. More dc if he cits his working hours and gets more involved. It's easy to think lots of dc is a good idea if you swan in and only cross paths with them briefly each evening. Reminds me of Mr Banks in Mary Poppins.

YANBU at all! I have 2.8yo and a 5.5mo DS's. I am done. The only way I would have another is if someone brought be an already weaned, good sleeping 8mo

Though I do want them to hurry up and have grandchildren for me to give them back when they cry, whinge, poo, need feeding

But actually 2 is a grand number of kids anyway.

You're not being unreasonable to feel that way. Be careful making decisions whilst your heavily pregnant though. Not always the best judgement I find.

Talk to your husband. Try to see it from his POV too, if you have such differencing views, one of you is bound to be disappointed.

You'll have two under two - that's a lot to be dealing with. Wait a few years and see how you feel. Don't make any firm decisions now - especially not when you are pregnant.

yanbu, but you may find yourself changing your mind in a year or so. I hated being pregnant but ended up with 3 under 5.

I think it's very strange for him to be talking about having lots of kids when you are about to give birth to your second child.

What about letting the dust settle?

I think it depends on how old you are really. If you are 40 and would have to drop one out every year in a rush to complete your big family, then I am totally on your side.

If you are 25 or so and have lots of childbearing years ahead of you, surely it can be discussed again in, say, 5 years time.

Having a third baby when the older 2 are in school is very different to having 3 preschoolers all in nappies.

I would tell him that at the moment you don't want another child but you are happy to discuss it again in 5 years time.

Thanks for the replies. I keep thinking that if it were the other way round I'd feel really sorry for a woman who wanted more babies but was effectively forbidden.

He keeps talking about the next one already. I keep telling him that at 20 months pregnant (or so it feels!) he is NOT going to get the answer he wants, and that we could reassess when youngest is at least out of nappies.

Xposted

tryharder I know it's effing bizarre isn't it? He's never had much tact

We're both under 30.

Just stay calm and within few months start having your day off on Saturday doing gym and reading. He will take over 2 under 2's for 14 hour shift - I think that may help for him to change his mind

the key thing op is that he works long hours. It's easy for him isn't it? yanbu.

Neither of us wanted more than one child. We simply didn't have that overwhelming urge for a child like we did when deciding to start a family.

Before DD was born, DH said he'd want 2, I only ever wanted one. He changed his mind despite me asking if he still wanted another as he felt we were complete.

Either way, both had to decide on more children for it to happen. Same with anything in a marriage really.

I had two under two and didn't think we would have another (although 1 swore I would never do it again after ds1). A nine year age gap and ds3 didn't seem such a bad idea. I might have had 4 if I had been younger but I was older than you are now when I had ds1 .