To be really pissed off with threads like this...

[SourSweets]

I won't name specific threads but I've seen this happen a few times and it really winds me up.

OP says something that contains an error of judgement, or a nasty tone, or something that gets a deservedly negative response. (To my mind, and evidenced by the fact that 99% of replies are of the same opinion.)

OP then comes back to the thread stating that they have numerous issues like anxiety, depression, health and personal problems. These issues, real as they may be, seem to have no relation to the OPs first post. For instance they say "a woman at baby group is a terrible parent for FFing her baby". All other posters rightly say, "none of your business, don't be so judgemental". OP then comes back to say "oh but I'm going through a really hard time and I have terrible IBS". Which is awful for them, but nothing to do with anything.

A heap of new posters then come in telling off the first posters for being "mean" and "giving the OP a hard time".

Am I being unreasonable in thinking that

A) if you post online you have to be aware that you don't know who's replying and you're leaving yourself open to differing opinions, which you may not like. If you're too emotionally fragile to handle it then maybe you should either get some RL support or mention this in your very first post so people can consider their responses appropriately. I don't mean anyone with these problems should have to walk around with a big neon sign saying "I suffer from such-and-such", only that if you're going to have to mention it later on because you find the responses too difficult to hear then maybe you should save yourself the upset and allow people to be more gentle with you from the start.

And B) you shouldn't use your personal issues as a get-out if your OP attracts negativity. My brother is dyslexic and used to use this all the time. He'd be incredibly rude and then say "I can't help it, I'm dyslexic." Actually, that has nothing to do with being rude. You were rude, own it and apologise for it.

As a disclaimer: I have very little experience of living with depression, anxiety or lasting health problems (aside from a decade with anorexia, which I'll mention now in the spirit of the thread) so I may be being ignorant and unnecessarily harsh. Happy to take that on board and be told IAMB.

I think YABU. More often I'm on the OP's side in this. Sometimes I agree they're taking the piss and their personal life has nothing to do with the stance of the OP and they're looking for attention/sympathy - BUT I think those ones are rarer.

I think more often:

OP says something questionable looking for an honest answer as to if she's right or wrong

Pile of posters comes in to tell her not only is she unreasonable, but she's the absolute scum of the earth for even wondering what she did and she should burn in hell and have her children taken away

OP accepts she was wrong and adds that she's fragile and unsure about things because of x reasons and now this thread has got her very low

Then either posters continue their abuse or sometimes people back off. Usually the former.

I also think some people post on the internet when really they want to vent - that the thread is more about those personal problems, in a roundabout way, than the question in their OP. I don't think this is a crime. I think it's a coping mechanism, and we shouldn't vilify people for it.

I agree that posters are OTT rude on some threads and it's not deserved. I can guarantee they would never say anything near the same in RL.

However, the "but I'm not wrong" and throwing toys out of pram by OP is equally annoying...

I'm pretty sure that some of the things said in threads wouldn't be said out loud to another person...

YANBU.

letter thank you for that considered response. I think you do have a point about the post being more about themselves than the issue in the OP.

Sometimes though, it just seems so manipulative to me. They don't get the answers they want and so turn on the virtual waterworks to get sympathy.

If they genuinely thought their opinion on the original issue was likely to be clouded by whatever personal problem they are experiencing then they would have said that in the first post.

And lets face it, you get a kicking on MN atm for the slightest thing.

exactly.

usual yes, that's true. What I'm referring to though is when that "explanation" seems to have absolutely nothing to do with the OP. It's hard to illustrate my point without giving examples, which would be unfair. Take my brother's example, if he'd have been rude and then said "I can't help it, I have aspergers" then yes that might go some way towards explaining his behaviour, but when he says "I can't help it, I'm dyslexic" that has nothing to do with being rude and so doesn't explain the behaviour. This is what winds me up.

Btw I'm not saying that all people with aspergers are rude, but that it's a condition that can affect social awareness, whereas dyslexia isn't.

Totally agree op. Hate bloody drip feed posts and I really don't understand why people post aibu and then take massive umbrage when some posters say, 'we'll actually yes you are'.

And if people post crap like 'if you ff then you don't love your baby as much' or ' Attarchment parenting is the best and only way to raise a child' or 'would I be unreasonable to kill my neighbours cat as it keeps shitting in my garden and I am terrified this will blind my child'

all of which I have read over the years then really the poster deserves a good kicking.

I also detest people who correct other posters spelling or grammar. That's really twatty.

And in your point I usually think stuff posted later in defence is often made up.