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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask for help in getting through the night?

27 replies

Loriens · 05/07/2014 00:48

I have posted this week in Relationships about my husband and I separating. Thought our marriage was strong etc and it turns out it wasn't. Tonight I know he is not coming home and it is killing me. He disappeared out earlier and I just knew. I know where he is and that in itself is one of the causes, I feel like everything is falling apart. I'm a wreck, I'm mad at myself for letting someone make me feel like this. I know it will get easier but I feel like I can't get through tonight, please help me I'm falling aprt

OP posts:
PorkPieandPickle · 05/07/2014 00:51

I'm sorry you feel so bad. I'm just off to bed but couldn't ignore this.
You will get through the night.
Can you have a cry, a glass of wine and try and get some sleep?
Thing always look better in the morning,
Sending a hug.

Original poster
Loriens · 05/07/2014 00:55

thank you for replying, I know deep down thing will be better in the morning, I just know there's no going back and wondering how we got to this

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MyNameIsInigoMontoya · 05/07/2014 00:56

Oh Loriens, I'm sorry Thanks. Hang on in there - you can and you will get through it, it's not easy but there are many people on here who have been through similar and will reassure you that you do come out the other side eventually.

Is there someone you can talk to in person, or somewhere you can go (tomorrow if not tonight)? It might feel better if you can get out of the house so you don't feel like you're waiting on him...

Original poster
Loriens · 05/07/2014 01:00

I went out and stayed out hoping I would be wrong, I know I will come out the other side just so gutted that this is happening, The urge to send a nasty text message is strong but I won't resort to that. Can't talk to people in person as I cry and I don't want that. I know I need to deal with it

OP posts:
aderynlas · 05/07/2014 01:34

So sorry you are going through this Loriens. Wish i had some advice but just wanted to say hope things feel alittle better in the morning x

SavoyCabbage · 05/07/2014 01:35

Hide your phone.

Could you watch a film for distraction and then go to bed when you are really tired?

There is always some one on MN so you will have sow one on here to talk to through the night if you need to.

Original poster
Loriens · 05/07/2014 01:50

Thanks, I won't text but the urge is there. Will take the poor old dog out for another walk. When the morning comes I have to face up to the reality that he has chosen to hurt me in the worst way possible

OP posts:
AgentZigzag · 05/07/2014 01:52

Shit like this is just so painful Flowers

Defo don't send that text, it won't make you feel any better, unfortunately. Could you write down how you feel or what you'd say to him if you could just let rip though? It'd be good for seeing how things are getting better when you read it in a couple of weeks if nothing else.

Original poster
Loriens · 05/07/2014 01:56

I have tried to write things down each day, I'm usually a reasonable writer but just don't seem to have the words.

OP posts:
Shnickyshnackers · 05/07/2014 01:58

I hope you manage to sleep a little bit.

Original poster
Loriens · 05/07/2014 02:03

I'm sure I will at some point, I am so tired already, its times like this I wish I drank

OP posts:
Shnickyshnackers · 05/07/2014 02:09

have you had a hot chocolate or something nice?

SignYourName · 05/07/2014 03:00

I hope you've managed to drop off by now. No advice sadly, but a hand to hold if you need one.

Expatmomma · 05/07/2014 05:03

I was in your shows 4.5 years ago.

I remember the hurt and confusion and sheer terror at starting over as a single mom of 2 young boys.

Hugs to you tonight

You are just setting out on a long journey. There are going to be many ups and downs but please known however painful this is life will get better.

You will come out if this in the long term stronger, wiser and happier.

You deserve so much more.

I am guessing there is infidelity involved?

I will pm you the name of an excellent website (specialized in such situations). Am not sure if I can share the name here.

Take care and know that one day you will be waking up happy and grateful that the person who treats you so badly is gone. There is hope and life ahead of you.

Expatmomma · 05/07/2014 05:04

Clearly I was in your shoes not shows :)

Original poster
Loriens · 05/07/2014 06:02

I came off the computer as he came home, swearing there is no relationship in the sense I am thinking of only friendship (and grief) He says I don't understand anything and that I broke his trust in a different way. Well I got through the night and thank you all

OP posts:
Expatmomma · 05/07/2014 06:55

Well actually a close friendship with a woman that means he comes home at dawn is so very wrong. And a form of infidelity.

And if I may be frank - when he claims it is not physical ...bullshit.

He is trying to minimize his actions.

If you want to find out the truth you could do what I did.

I placed a voice activated recorder in the back pocket of one of the car seats.

Removed it 24 hours later and bingo!!!!

You can be sure if he is with someone they are talking by phone in the car.

I needed to prove infidelity for my divorce and my peace of mind. I also placed a small gps tracker in his car. Lo and behold he was not working the night shift but sleeping at her apartment.

Good luck

maras2 · 05/07/2014 09:26

So sorry for the pain that you're in.Do you have much contact with 'the widow'? How does she act round you? If he is being dishonest about their 'friendship' he'll trip up sooner or later.Would it help to know the truth?Please look after your health as you know that emotional upsets can exacerbate inflamatory bowel conditions.Maybe see your GP who could refer you for counselling.Keep posting on here as I've found that just constructing sentences can help to destress.Best wishes. Mx.

Original poster
Loriens · 05/07/2014 12:37

maras2 - I became her friend. Everything was very open I and we became friends in our own right I thought.
I'm trying to keep calm I was diagnosed with UC last summer. It's taken a year to become as stable as I am. I asked him when he got if he would go to counselling and he said he doesn't need it but will go if it helps me.

OP posts:
Original poster
Loriens · 05/07/2014 19:24

I am not normally so weak and pathetic as I was last night

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tripecity · 05/07/2014 20:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Loriens · 05/07/2014 20:51

Things are not better really but I suppose I've just got to get used to it. I think I will feel better when I've had some sleep.

OP posts:
Original poster
Loriens · 06/07/2014 00:33

Here we go again another night like the last one. I think I am answering the questions in my own head. Everything is whirling around. I need to put some space between us but don't want to leave in case there is a chance we can work it out. But if I leave do I improve the chances of working it out?

OP posts:
SavoyCabbage · 06/07/2014 04:02

I am sorry to hear you are still not sleeping. It's so hard to make think stop going round and round in your head sometimes.

Original poster
Loriens · 06/07/2014 04:28

Still awake, head still spinning

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