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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to expect an apology?

45 replies

michleydon · 04/07/2014 22:26

In Feb 2014 my 13 yo daughter and her friend went to our local Asda to get some doughnuts. They looked around the make up, clothes, music etc like teenage girls do. A security guard there started following them so they thought it was funny to try and lose him (not clever but as I said they are 13, they didn't run around the store either just went back on themselves) My daughter had a dvd she was going to buy and her friend had the doughnuts. The security guard found them and asked thim where was the jewellery and make up they had been looking at and if they intended to pay for the items they had in their possesion,they said that they didn't have any on them because they were only looking and yes they were going to pay for te doughnuts and dvd. He told them to pay for their items and leave the shop now.
I rang and complained about the way they had been spoken too, I believe that they can only question you once they have seen you leave the shop without paying (after speaking to the security guard in the shop I work in he said that they also have to see you pick up, conceal and leave the shop without paying) Asda backed their SG, I asked to see the CCTV footage but they said no.
I was in the shop a few days later with my daughter and seen the SG so I said to him that if he feels my daughter is behaving suspiously then I should be contacted, he asked who my daughter is, I pointed her out, he said oh her, her and her little friend are 2 of the most suspious/dodgiest people who come in her (they are not), I asked to speak to the manager, he turned smarmy and arrogant smirking at me, I called him a smarmy bugger (which I know was wrong but my daughter had just been accused for being one of the most suspious people in the area) so he kicked me out of the shop and wouldn't contact the manager, I rang him from the car, ended up sending an email to the highest person in the company that I could find, but have been fobbed off with the SG was right to do as he did.
My daughter has never been in trouble more that a bit of messing in class and I truley don't believe she was shoplifting. Anyone know where I stand, I would like a proper apology from Asda. According to members of staff in the store, this SG has on a few occasions wrongly accuse people in the store Thanks

OP posts:

AgentZigzag · 05/07/2014 02:52

You're spending a lot of time and energy on this and that can't be good. I actually feel sorry for the poor security bloke, surely if he was telling them before they'd walked out of the shop he was giving them a chance to do the right thing?

Nothing actually happened did it? He didn't drag them into the office and get you and the police involved, he just gave them a warning, which is fair dos as they were messing about playing on his suspicions.

SignYourName · 05/07/2014 02:54

If I'd acted like that at 13 and then been stupid enough to tell my mother how I'd gone on, I'd have been told off by her as well for messing around. She wouldn't have rung up to demand an apology for her Special Pwincess. She wouldn't have been stewing about it five months later either.

YABU on so many levels, OP.

ljny · 05/07/2014 03:10

YANBU.

Kids that age spend hours looking at stuff and only buy a few things.

It's uncomfortable to be followed. They didn't steal, they didn't try to steal. Why ask them to pay and leave?

MrsTerryPratchett · 05/07/2014 03:15

They tried to act suspiciously, they looked suspicious. Meh.

WheelsOnFire1 · 05/07/2014 03:42

Sorry but I agree...YABU. For years, every time I went into Boots I'd get followed around. I too have never stolen anything in my life or been in any sort of serious trouble. But I suppose it's pretty easy to steal small things like make-up.

If your DD and her friend were acting like they'd stolen something, of course he is going to be suspicious. What sort of area is the shop in? Perhaps he deals with shoplifters numerous times a day so has to be on look-out at all times. I'm not sure the remark he made to you was necessary, but if anything I'd tell your DD to not behave like that unless she is prepared to suffer the consequences.

MrsBoldon · 05/07/2014 08:38

YABU. What a non-event. I can't believe you are still banging on about this five months later.

If anything, your daughter should apologise and so should you for being verbally abusive.

Idontseeanyicegiants · 05/07/2014 08:51

Didn't you tell your DD to not do stupid things in shops when she started to go out with her mates?
I told DS to expect to be followed tbh and not do anything to make himself look suspicious or about to nick anything. Security guards have a hard time trying to make sure that stick is paid for as it is, a couple of girls acting up in the store would have been a big red light for him and frankly they deserved to be under suspicion. YABU.

LegoSuperstar · 05/07/2014 09:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BuzzardBird · 05/07/2014 09:16

He was doing his job. There are profiles, apparently I fit one of them. I let them watch me but would prefer if they watched the real shoplifters. I certainly don't try and get myself into trouble by making them appear to be correct.

Sicaq · 05/07/2014 09:20

I think shop security work must be pretty dull, which may be why they follow people (women, usually) a bit disproportionately. I'm bloody 40 and I was blatantly followed around Superdrug yesterday . ButI don't think you should give it any more headspace. It's one of the workaday irritations of life.

differentnameforthis · 05/07/2014 09:24

Giving the security guard the run around is suspicious behaviour. Trying to 'lose him' in the store only adds to suspicions. If it were me, I would immediately I wonder what they had to hide. I wonder how many times they have done this.

People distract SGs while their friends steal goods.

teach your daughter not to piss off/antagonise/annoy security guards in future.

ilovesooty · 05/07/2014 09:27

For heaven's sake. Your special little snowflake behaved badly in the shop and are herself look suspicious . You should be giving her a talking to rather than harassing the security guard.

You need to get a sense of perspective. It's been several months and I expect you could find somewhere else to shop if you're unable to move on.

Apology? I expect Asda are thoroughly tired of you by now.

Given that your daughter's behaviour at school leaves something to be desired I suspect you blame other people for that as well.

Bouttimeforwine · 05/07/2014 09:31

You and your dd sound as bad as each other. Yes, he was ott but your dd did nothing to dispel his suspicions, rather she antagonised him further.

I bet when he spoke to them originally, he got attitude, which is why he asked them to leave the shop.

You should not have confronted him either. There are proper channels to go through to complain.

Floggingmolly · 05/07/2014 09:32

He watched them pretending (how could he know they were pretending?) to shoplift, so asked them to pay for their stuff and leave. This is exactly what he's employed to do.
Then you go in shouting the odds and call him a smarmy bugger, and you still feel you're due an apology?!!
You're lucky they didn't ban you from the store completely.

pictish · 05/07/2014 09:32

I was in the shop a few days later with my daughter and seen the SG so I said to him that if he feels my daughter is behaving suspiously then I should be contacted.

How are they going to do that then? Supermarkets are a magnet to teenagers larking about, just as your daughter did.
It's no biggy. She was behaving in a manner that suggested she might have taken something. So she got warned and told off and sent packing.

Don't worry about it.

differentnameforthis · 05/07/2014 09:32

It's uncomfortable to be followed. They didn't steal, they didn't try to steal. Why ask them to pay and leave?

Did you read this bit

A security guard there started following them so they thought it was funny to try and lose him

pictish · 05/07/2014 09:33

And no...you're not going to get an apology. Don't be silly.

lollipoppi · 05/07/2014 09:37

This has been bothering you for the last 5 months?

Seriously, chuck it in the fuck it bucket and move on

Floggingmolly · 05/07/2014 09:40

I love fuck it bucket

londonrach · 05/07/2014 09:51

Yabu. Get your daughter to write an apology letter and take her in to see sg. You need to teach her manners too. Running away like that of course sg would be concerned. It's his job! She's 13 not 2. Love the let it go comment.

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