To ask people to really, really think before they post...or in fact, just seek help

[Absofrigginlootly]

I have only started looking at mumsnet and some of the amusing AIBU threads in the last few weeks...but was drawn to the 'husband treating me like meat' thread...

....I had very recently spent some time with an old friend of mine who grew up in a sexually abusive household like the one described in the thread and she has been suffering from PTSD, anxiety and depression for many years now. It has been tearing her apart. So this thread drew my attention because it was so similar to my friends situation and I wanted to emphasise to the OP about the affect this would be having on her children (since the OPs main focus in the thread was about the effect it was having on her)....

Anyway, cue lots of posts from concerned people like myself wanting to help this woman and her children. Some posters even mentioned about their own experiences within sexually abusive relationships - this must have been hard for them, drudging up old memories.

Anyway, something about the thread and the OPs responses just didn't sit right with me so I reported it to MNHQ...I thought that either the situation was much worse than the OP was letting on, or it wasn't true. I don't know if other people reported the thread too because I had an email reply from MNHQ who said they had reason to believe the thread wasn't genuine and so had disabled it.

So this is just my little plea to anyone who might be thinking of starting a thread like this....PLEASE think about the effects this might have on readers who have genuinely experienced abuse in their lives...the effects of abuse are devastating. If your life is so empty that you need to draw attention to yourself by making things like this up...you really need to get some counselling (or may I suggest something useful like charity volunteering to pass the time???!). Furthermore, it adds to the culture of 'disbelief/denial' that people have about child/spousal abuse and rape...(even within the thread there were people stating that some posters where 'overreacting' to call the situation abusive).

What a sad and sorry tale :(

Unfortunately there will always be trolls on the internet and the best thing to do is report and ignore. They feed off the emotions of people responding to them so this thread itself will also satisfy them. That's why mumsnet suggest not giving more of ourselves than we are comfortable with. It should always be in the back of our minds that not everyone online is who they say they are.

I don't know who said it but I read once that if anyone actually in that situation can learn something or get the courage to get help then the sharing people have done is always worth it even if it does turn out to be a troll.

As merciful has pointed out, the world is full of emotional vampires. It's unfortunate, but there is no way of policing it.

Yes that is what I hope, that someone, somewhere read the thread and it helped them realise that what they are going through is abuse and seek help.

I just don't understand some people

When I reply to something, yes I'm replying to the OP but I am fully aware that there are many more lurkers who never post and any response given is as much for them. I never share publically something I believe is only aimed at the OP so I'm not bothered if the OP isn't real, others will have read it so it'll still have been seen to add dimension.

I actually have no problem with trolls like this as long as the responses are sensible and genuine. Ridiculous trolls are found out pretty quickly and convincing trolls usually get the same considered and valuable advice as genuine posters, so I think even though the situations aren't real they could well mirror the situation of a lurker who will draw valuable insight from the advice well-meaning posters give in their replies. I understand the annoyance when someone you worry about turns out not to be genuine but that's the nature of the internet - it's best not to get too personally invested in anyone, just give your advice and hope they will be ok.

No I agree with all of this....I wrote all my responses with it in mind that other (genuine) people might be reading the thread..I appreciate that most lots of things on the internet are a load of crap.

I only wanted to write my 'reply' above to the OP (I hope they read it...doubt it) because I just can't stand people who lie about child abuse/domestic abuse etc and think they need to seek professional help!

Wait, did the thread turn out to be fake? I remember reading it and thinking how horrible it must be for that woman

I am shocked this thread was a fake, but must admit I had it on mind for the rest of the day because I was concerned for the children being in such a sexualised environment. I'm glad (on this occasion) it wasn't true.

how did they find out it was fake?

Also agree with OP about a person posting fake threads needs some sort of help

I lurked that thread, I had reservations about it but didn't actually Report it, partially as I too felt that even if the actual situation wasn't true, talking about it was clearly helping some of the posters.

OhFFS I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you...

MNHQ have access to various tools to help them spot trolls etc., same as any other forum's management.

A lot of vampire trolls are repeat offenders and MNHQ have a way of identifying them I think. IE people who have been banned in the past for posting stories of suffering and trauma, who re-register and come back with a different set of traumas and none of it's true (one fake identity is in an abusive relationship, the next one is devastated by a partner's combination of infidelity and spectacular cruelty, then when the troll gets unmasked or bored with that topic then s/he will come back with the old favourite of premature twins who develop terminal illnesses).

On the internet, nobody knows you're a dog, so it's always worth using a degree of caution.

The reason I reported it was because I thought it was either fake...or was in fact more serious than the OP was letting on and hoped that MNHQ might be able to report the OPs name and address that they used to register with to the relevant local authority so that the children would be protected... I hoped (felt) it was the former but felt I had to do something in case it was the latter. Didn't realise thread would be deleted thou as new to MN. Hopefully anyone it was actually relevant to had got something out of it before it was deleted??

I recently joined and having read some of the posts I really was worried about the OPs and some things triggered memories in me,so I was routing for good things for the OPs.so to find out some are lies. It is not good.

That's terrible! Makes me sad for people with genuine threads asking for help :(

There have been a lot of threads recently that have been deleted because MN 'had reason to believe they weren't genuine.

It is pretty twisted to start threads about emotive issues only to provoke a bun fight or which end up in people questioning everyone's motives.

I would like to know how MN reaches the conclusion that they aren't genuine though?

I just hope that it really wasn't genuine. I would hate to think that this poor woman was suffering and now has had this taken away from her.

pipbin I guess MNHQ must have to be pretty sure before they delete a thread....fwiw I also saw the OP posting on another trivial/jokey thread a day after she said she was planning to leave abusive husband....(not sure those are the actions of someone deep in the emotional throws of planning on challenging and leaving an abusive husband)

Actually, there is another thread on here where the OP has a perv boyfriend and she said she had read the 'meat' thread and that's what motivated her to ask for opinions on how to move forward.

So you helped someone despite yourself, O Twatty Troll.

Bollocks to feeling sorry for that twat of an OP.I'm so cross that I invested time and emotion over the post.I almost posted a RL tale of an old friend of mine to give OP a bit of support.Thank God I thought twice.What a stupid thing to troll about.What a nasty person.

at corporate