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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

child in dd's class.

29 replies

s88 · 04/07/2014 12:01

My dd is about to finish reception . She has had problems with a boy in her class from day 1!

He is known to be quite hard work anyway but seems to target my dd. throughout the year he has pushed her over (purposely) numerous times. pulls on her chair in class, hit her over the head with a baton , called her names .

They are now moving into year 1 and the classes have been mixed up. However, they have kept this boy in the same class as my dd.

aibu to ask them to move him into the other class (They're having 2 year 1 classes due to numbers)

i don't want my dd to have to put up with another year of his bullying. It wouldn't affect his learning as he a lot of children are moving around anyway so he wouldn't even need to know the reasons.

He has been punished by missing free time on occasions but I feel that now given the chance they could put him into a different class.

he seems to always make a beeline for her

OP posts:
Lj8893 · 04/07/2014 12:02

Wouldn't it be easier for them to move your daughter?

TeenAndTween · 04/07/2014 12:02

You might make more headway with asking that your DD is put in the other class.

Bouttimeforwine · 04/07/2014 12:04

I think you should have said this before they announced the classes.

YABU to ask them to move him now, but yanbu to ask for your own dd to be moved.

Original poster
s88 · 04/07/2014 12:05

She has been kept with her close friends in this class. His friend has gone into the other class. It feels if she has to move then she is the one being punished by not being with her close friends.

I am waiting on the head to phone me back. I have a photo from when he pushed her over and she has a huge bruise on her forehead from it. and it isn't just a little push here and there, enough to cause her leggings and trousers to rip

OP posts:
Original poster
s88 · 04/07/2014 12:06

Also, over a period of about 2 months I was having to go into her teacher about the issues as it was almost daily. and she would jist tell me he had been sent to the head

OP posts:
NickiFury · 04/07/2014 12:07

I would insist on it. As long as you're happy that your dd be moved?

soverylucky · 04/07/2014 12:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 04/07/2014 12:13

I imagine most of this stuff happens in the play ground at break time anyway so it may not even make a difference moving him.

My DS had similar problems at primary - they refused to move the other child.

Not that it's any consolation to you or your DD but they need to actually get to the root of this boys problems rather than just move various kids from pillar to post.

Original poster
s88 · 04/07/2014 12:19

I don't think they seem to know what to do with him . They just don't allow him to have play time or free time which is on a Friday afternoon they can choose to do various activities

OP posts:
pinkerson · 04/07/2014 12:57

I would go in and ask why he's been kept in your dd's class and how they plan to keep her safe.

arethereanyleftatall · 04/07/2014 13:02

Are you sure your dd is the main target?

CrohnicallyExhausted · 04/07/2014 13:37

Sorting class lists out is often a very complicated procedure, and the teachers will have thought long and hard about it. It's often not just a case of moving one child into the other class, because you have to think about the effect on the dynamics of the class (number of boys/girls, number of higher ability and lower ability, children with EAL, SEN, friendship groups, which children don't work well together, etc).

You mention this boy's friend is in the other class- perhaps they've been split on purpose? We have a child with SEN, we are splitting him from his best friend next year, as the relationship is very one sided and possessive, and it's time for the friend to have chance to mix with others. Perhaps something similar is happening here?

But you WNBU to go to the school, explain your concerns, and ask how they plan to keep your DD safe next year.

Original poster
s88 · 04/07/2014 13:55

Yes she is the main target . her teacher is well aware of the situation and has apologised for what's happened, but when I have a 5 year old crying not wanting to go to school,for the fear of being hurt, I don't think an apology is enough when it continues.

OP posts:
7Days · 04/07/2014 13:58

Perhaps don't request he be moved, but ask 'How do you plan to keep my DD safe this year? We cannot have another year like last year. have you any strategies in place?' Silence, and wait for teacher to break it.

Let them get the brainwave to move him themselves, or whatever they come up with.

Original poster
s88 · 04/07/2014 14:50

Ok so I have just spoken to the head .

He has said that he has kept them together this year as in that class the adult - child ratio is higher and they hope to work with the boy to resolve the issue. He said that obviously if it continues in year 1 then they will have to re assess again .

He seems to be well aware of the situation and it's just brushing it off, so hopefully with a new teacher and more support it won't be a repeated year . I'm happy with the outcome from the conversation , at least he knows I'm on watch Grin

OP posts:
Original poster
s88 · 04/07/2014 14:51

That should say and not brushing it off

OP posts:
Thefishewife · 04/07/2014 14:54

No op insist the child that is causing the issue is moved I hate this nothing ever seems to happen to the naughty child

Only1scoop · 04/07/2014 15:00

I agree it does always seem like nothing ever happens to the 'naughty child' other than lots of extra help and endless attention sorting out the problems caused....So they have not moved either of them?

I'd keep a close eye on the situation....

Must be upsetting for you both....

Original poster
s88 · 04/07/2014 15:52

No they are not moving either of them . They have moved the child's friend out of the class as they can wind each other up apparently. although he was no problem to dd !

I shall be keeping a close eye

OP posts:
Floggingmolly · 04/07/2014 16:05

You're easily fobbed off, op Hmm. What difference does it make to your dd that the staff/child ratio is higher when she's not the one with the behavioural problem?

PolterGoose · 04/07/2014 16:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

awsomer · 04/07/2014 17:08

I think the answer for the Head was really reasonable and your response is too. Well done for having the courage to call in the first place and well done for being sensible enough to accept the current plan.

The ratio issue he raised is a really good clue of how seriously they are taking this. Not only will your DD benefit from it but it also sounds like there's a possibility there might be an extra adult in there for him/a group of chn with needs.

Just keep a really close eye on it at the beginning of term and if the situation hasn't improved from the previous year then return to the Head.

BeerTricksPotter · 04/07/2014 17:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Nanny0gg · 04/07/2014 17:11

'How do you plan to keep my DD safe this year? We cannot have another year like last year. have you any strategies in place?'

This ^^

Plus but when I have a 5 year old crying not wanting to go to school, for the fear of being hurt, I don't think an apology is enough when it continues.

I would have made far more of an issue of this a long time ago.

Start asking to see Safeguarding and anti-bullying policies and ask for specific plans to watch over the children being targeted.

MammaTJ · 04/07/2014 17:34

My DD1 had similar issues in YR. I went to the head and he increased the TA hours, so the TA could watch the bully. This worked well. I hope it will for your child too. It seems a sensible solution.

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