To not want to be her bridesmaid

[Thefishewife]

That's it really I really don't want to be my sister brides maid and suspect she is only asking me because I had her as mine a lots changed since she's was mine.

I just feel our relationship has drifted she moved around 10 minutes away from living in the other side of London and I have not seen her in almost 18 months their is a bus wich stops out side her home then mine she also seldom takes phone calls from me so much so at one point I had to phone her partners phone in order to speak to her.

I think I been to her new home about 3 times since she moves she never invites me round and the times I have been she's been having me at the door as if to say this is a quick visit and your not staying

I used to send her niece and step nephew birthday cards and gifts however it hurts when you don't even get a a text saying gift received or thanks so I have stop and my son in 14 years has not even got a phone call to say happy birthday

Also about 6 months ago I become aware through pictures on Facebook she had arranged a surprise party for my bil 33rd birthday everyone from our family and his were their apart from us I was actually quite hurt my bil is lovely and would of love to be their to support him on his birthday.

Also had her daughter 4th birthday party with out us (again saw the party pictures on FB)

And the most hurtful thing we recently adopted a baby which has been with us now for 8 months she still has not come to see the baby

So when she rang me told me she was getting married and wanted me to be a maid I was very shocked tbh I am not sure why she asked me but know I really don't think I should

We have not had any argument no falling out I just don't have the energy but how do I turn her down with out up setting her or should I just be her maid and keep quite

Why not just ask her why she's chosen you when she hasn't made much contact with you in such a long time?

YANBU, sounds like a very difficult relationship.

Have you asked her why she is like this?

Thing is I am not sure it matters why

It's the fact I just don't factor enough for her to bother with me but most upsetting the kids

I don't want to make up the numbers and I don't want her only having me because I had her

Oh says she saying she wants me now however he thinks that will fade and just like every other thing we won't even get a invite

I don't care if I am maid to be honest rather not but if we didn't even get a invite I think that would damage our relationship beyond repair

AlpacaYourThings

Sorry for the spelling ECt no I haven't asked her I can't make out if it's because I am a bit vanilla in her eyes she's quite a party girl she is 27 but most of her friends are 20 / 21 and she clubs a lot maybe she just find me a boar and she is quite into her self but then I thin well she finds time to include others so I think that may be an exuse to make me feel better

Be true to yourself.

Just say

"I really don't want to be a bridesmaid, having a new baby is taking up too much time to commit to it"

Perhaps she realises she has been cutting you out of her life (unintentionally?) and wants to try and build bridges and restart the relationship again?

Best case senario: as Longtime says she is trying to reach out.

Worst case: as you said , she feels duty bound to reciprocate, or is going with some wedding tradition for sisters as bridsmaids.

Have you asked her why?

I would ask why however as I said even now she's asked it's very difficult to get her to answer the phone to me also she won't return calls

Short of door stepping her don't really see or speak to her much from my end I have given up I have a lot going on at the moment so just feel one way relationships won't work

I'm wondering how you would feel if she hadn't asked you to be her bridesmaid nor asked you to the wedding?

just say "are you kidding? I haven't seen you in 18mths and you haven't even visited the new baby"

To be honest I would be relieved I am actually shocked she asked considering she hasn't even been to see the baby oar bothered to see me in nearly two years I am more shocked she asked than if she had not

The saddest thing is I speak with her friend on FB more then I speak to her I could tell yu what her friend is wearing today but I haven't actually seen my sister in almost 18 months she lives 10 minutes down the road even when I go their on rare occasions she makes me feel like I am bothering her