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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to change my mind about attending a wedding?

16 replies

KeepCalmAndLOLKittens · 03/07/2014 14:52

We've already replied yes, but we know and the B&G know that the invitation and acceptance were given out of a sense of obligation (we are the 'extra' couple in a group; the rest of whom spend a lot of time with each other, but we rarely see).

This is becoming more and more apparent and I'd like to just call it a day, but we've already accepted the invitation. No big deal really but I'm not looking forward to it and no doubt they're not really that bothered if we're there or not. Just seems so fake.

WIBU to decline after all? It's a few weeks away.

OP posts:

MardyBra · 03/07/2014 14:54

They've probably paid for food and done the table plans by now. Why not go and enjoy the time with the rest of the group. And use it as an excuse to invite the B&G round and get to know them better afterwards.

Tangerinefairy · 03/07/2014 14:56

I can understand how you feel. What would you say though? It might be annoying for them OR they might be able to invite someone else that they weren't able to invite before.

CanaryYellow · 03/07/2014 14:59

I think if you now retract your acceptance this will a nail in the coffin of the friendship.

I'd personally take the view that if I had been invited, then the B&G genuinely wanted me there.

Original poster

KeepCalmAndLOLKittens · 03/07/2014 15:01

In the same situation we could have invited people we really wanted instead (in fact we were able to the day before having been messed around by family). TBH I'm not that interested in getting to know them better. Over the years the group has made it quite plain that they prefer each other's company. Not in an intentionally rude way. They all have more on common with each other though; the women of the group in particular. I'm well aware that it's me who's different.

OP posts:

Tangerinefairy · 03/07/2014 15:05

Well if you think you can decline without causing great offence then do so. We had some people drop out of ours (not their fault, just circumstance) and were able to invite other people so it was fine. I would worry about them losing money though at this late stage.

MaidOfStars · 03/07/2014 15:09

They've probably paid for food and done the table plans by now
This. I'd think it poor form, but I would say that it is infinitely preferable to just dropping out on the day, if that's a possibility.

Original poster

KeepCalmAndLOLKittens · 03/07/2014 16:35

I'm imagining this as a different AIBU: all our friends were invited, but we weren't

I'm seeing the argument for not sustaining friendships that have had their day.

I guess we'll go and make the best of it. I know IABU really. I wish we could all be a bit more honest about it though - they really didn't need to invite us.

OP posts:

fluffymouse · 03/07/2014 17:23

I third what mardybra said.

Declining shortly before a wedding is incredibly poor form unless there is a very good reason (bereavement/illness etc).

If they have invited you I would take it that they genuinely want you there.

Go and have a good time.

CornChips · 03/07/2014 17:41

Why not go with good grace,and have a great time? See itas a public service. You could steer Great Aunt Gladys away from the fruit punch when she is tipsy. You could monopolise racist Uncle Joe so he does not offend anyone else. You could even throw bunting over that female friend who thinks the G should have married her instead and turns up in ivory. or isthat just my wedding .

The couple will love you. It will totally reinvigorate the friendship. And their will be free booze!

CornChips · 03/07/2014 17:41

ahem - there

CornChips · 03/07/2014 17:44

[disclaimer] i bloody love weddings. I'm going to be one of those elderly village women who turns up to every wedding going and snaffles the Victoria sponge.

MrsJossNaylor · 03/07/2014 17:55

Oh, don't drop out at this late stage, please. I didn't have a seating plan or anything at my wedding, so that wasn't an issue when TEN people dropped out in the few weeks prior to it - but the money was.
We lost the £500 or so I'd paid for their meals, which wouldn't have been an issue if there was a good reason for the cancellations - but there wasn't. They just couldn't be arsed.
if they'd had the good grace to decline the invitation originally it would have been fair enough, but to backtrack at the last minute is really poor form.
It would also be too late for anyone else to be invited in your place, as they'd know they were a second choice.
Go, and try to enjoy yourself!

Mrsjayy · 03/07/2014 18:05

I would imagine lots of people are invited to weddings that are not that close to b or g maybe one half of a couple or friends of parents Iyswim go it will be fine

MaidOfStars · 03/07/2014 18:07

i bloody love weddings

Me too!

I'm going to be one of those elderly village women who turns up to every wedding going and snaffles the Victoria sponge

I'll join you but I'm not going to those types of wedding. It's Laduree macarons or nowt for me.

CheeryName · 03/07/2014 18:07

You shouldn't have said yes in the first place if you're just not that into them. Go and Have Fun!!!

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 03/07/2014 18:21

I think that it is getting nearer and you are now wondering why you accepted when you now have to buy a present, an outfit and potentially travel somewhere when you don't really feel part of the group and DH is peripheral but will have a good time. Your expectations are very low and the hassle and cost don't seem worth it. On those grounds you should have thought it through and made your excuses earlier so YABU though I understand why you might want to give it a swerve.

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