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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To just keep making excuses?

12 replies

SuperLoveFuzz · 03/07/2014 13:52

One of my close friends keeps offering to babysit my 7 month old DD. I just don't feel comfortable with it. She has a 3 year old DD herself and she smokes with her in the car. (I have challenged her on this every time I've seen her do it). She also drives too fast (in my opinion anyway). I know if she was to babysit they would end up being in the car at some point. I'm sure she would look after my DD and she wouldn't come to any harm but I just don't want her to look after her. I worry that she might get a bit bored with looking after DD when the novelty wears off and that she might find having them both a bit stressful. Another thing is that her DD is pretty boisterous and she doesn't really make much effort to discipline her, so I do worry that she might accidentally hurt my DD.

DD stays overnight with my mum and also my sister quite often so it's not like I can say I don't want her staying away yet.

I know this might make me sound horribly judgemental and not a very good friend. I'm only outlining it to give a bit of background.

If I have something on she often offers to babysit. Up until now I've fobbed her off and said my mum is babysitting (usually the case anyway). I do wish I could just say 'no, I'd rather you didn't babysit'. There is no nice way to put this though and it would definitely affect our friendship.

OP posts:
Trooperslane · 03/07/2014 14:00

She knows you hate the smoking - it would be a deal breaker for me.

I'd just change the subject too.

nozzernoodles · 03/07/2014 14:08

I would just tell her thanks for the offer but your mum / sis is having her.

Someone from DSs school keeps offering to give DS lifts to football etc. I don't like her and DS doesn't particularly like her DS, but I don't want to cause an Atmosphere so I have just kept on using the line "thanks for the offer but my mum and dad are having him for me." If she thinks it's weird then she can tackle me about it and I will tell her that I feel more comfortable with my family having him.

If she's a friend it would be a shame to cause an atmosphere, I think it would be very difficult not to offend, even though you are within your rights to say no. At your little ones age she is still young to be left with people other than family anyway.

Original poster
SuperLoveFuzz · 03/07/2014 14:18

Thanks, I probably won't say anything but it's starting to make me feel a little awkward.

I babysat for her DD when she was a baby so I think she expects it to happen. She really wants to look after her (I suspect so she can 'play house' with her DP if I'm being perfectly honest!). She has now asked a few times 'could I look after her one day next week' or something along those lines. I find that a bit more difficult to say no to.

OP posts:
SylvaniansKeepGettingHoovered · 03/07/2014 22:13

I'd keep making excuses...blame the baby, tell her the baby doesn't like being away from you for too long and is only just getting used to being with your mum/sister for a longer period. 7 months is still very young

Montegomongoose · 03/07/2014 23:53

I think making excuses will be stressful for you and possibly insulting to your friend.

Why not explain gently that you really don't feel ready for her to take your baby yet and that for the moment you're only comfortable leaving her with your mum. But you will definitely let her know when that changes.

Depending how brave you feel, you could say 'and of course we will have to work out what to do about transport, I wouldn't expect you to give up smoking in your car but if course you understand she can't be exposed to smoke at her age'

I always think best be honest. Good luck.

HansieLove · 03/07/2014 23:59

If she smokes in car, she likely smokes in house too, and you don't want your baby to be around smoke. So that's that.

Joysmum · 04/07/2014 00:23

Just tell her that your family relish the babysitting as time to build their own relationships with your DD without you there and would be offended if she went to someone else. Job done.

kawliga · 04/07/2014 00:24

(I suspect so she can 'play house' with her DP if I'm being perfectly honest!).

She wants to use your baby as a prop in her happy homes sketch. You are right to say no. Tell her to stop being weird, it is weird to keep asking for someone else's baby like that.

Shnickyshnackers · 04/07/2014 00:42

it is extremely over bearing for her to keep on asking and asking. I think you need to say, you'll ask her if you ever need an extra babysitter, but at the moment you are only comfortable using your mum and sister. Your baby is still so little, I'd hope she understands that, otherwise shes a pretty rubbish and overbearing friend.

LizLimone · 04/07/2014 01:56

She's doing this for herself, not to help you. If she was just trying to be helpful she would have stopped asking by now.

Your DD is a person, not a doll, so you should have no guilt in turning her down. Just tell her that you don't need the help right now as your mother and sister help out plenty and just leave it at that.

SignYourName · 04/07/2014 03:27

"No, I'm all sorted thanks. I'll let you know if I ever need to take you up on your offer."

(And what's the betting that if you ever were desperate for emergency childcare, it wouldn't be convenient for her? As a PP has said, this is about her not you.)

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 04/07/2014 06:42

Babysitting is for your benefit, not for her entertainment. You clearly don't want it so is continue to politely decline.

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