Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that if someone is providing you with free childcare....

35 replies

mickeymuck · 02/07/2014 23:07

then you at least turn up on time to drop your child off?

I am currently providing a family member with two days' of childcare per week. I am happy to do this and enjoy having her DD, but the mum's lack of timekeeping is really getting annoying.

She works 5 days a week but works different hours all the time as her hours are very flexible. I am constantly having to chase her up each week to find out which hours I am having her DD on my days that week.

She will then say a time that she'll arrive in the morning to drop her DD off, but her timekeeping isn't brilliant, and sometimes she is up to an hour late arriving at mine.

Like I said, I am happy to look after her DD, but I have DCs of my own, and work from home on a freelance basis, so I always have plenty that I could be doing in that time if she told me in the first place that she would be dropping off later. Last week on one of the days she was an hour late, and a friend had actually asked me that day if I wanted to go to the gym with her first thing, and I'd declined because I was babysitting, but I could actually have gone had I known about the lateness. I also think it's quite disrespectful to just assume I'll sit around twiddling my thumbs for an hour, and then of course that extra hour is added on to the end of her working day, so I end up finishing my babysitting duties later than planned, which sometimes has a knock on effect if I have other plans.

I have asked the family member to let me know in future if she'll be late dropping off, but she seems to think that it's no big deal if she's late, and that I'm being uptight.

I do the childcare for free btw.

OP posts:
AndHarry · 02/07/2014 23:12

YANBU. You are doing a huge favour and if she's messing you around and insulting you (uptight?!) you might want to think about re-setting the ground rules or telling her she'll have to find an alternative by x date.

AnsonsVoyageRoundTheWorld · 02/07/2014 23:13

Of course it's rude. You know that.

Have you made it absolutely clear to her that you want to know the drop off and pick up times? Can you tell her you will be out if she comes late?

If she really won't listen then maybe you need to either accept it or stop helping her out.

fluffymouse · 02/07/2014 23:15

Wow you are a great friend, and your friend is a rubbish friend. Free childcare is a huge favour. Is she doing anything in return?

I would stop babysitting for her as it clearly isn't working out. She is being very cheeky.

Only1scoop · 02/07/2014 23:18

Yanbu at all.

She is taking advantage of you if she thinks you are 'being uptight' over her lateness.

Maybe rethink arrangement if she keeps letting you down

Original poster
mickeymuck · 02/07/2014 23:21

If I stop the arrangement it'll cause a big family rift.

She is generally quite an entitled person and seems to think that everything should revolve around her.

OP posts:
Only1scoop · 02/07/2014 23:22

And it does obviously....

Tell her how you feel....

DontstepontheMomeRaths · 02/07/2014 23:27

I'd stop chasing her up on when she next needs you and the hours. If you don't hear from her go out to the gym etc Grin She'll soon learn and you can feign innocence on return. That you simply hadn't known.

That's so passive aggressive. Ignore me. I should to bed.

BlackeyedSusan · 02/07/2014 23:33

I would go out once or twice if she is really late turning up. Say you had an appointment and that it couldnot wait.

MexicanSpringtime · 03/07/2014 01:01

If I stop the arrangement it'll cause a big family rift

Whao!

mimishimmi · 03/07/2014 01:13

Stop the babysitting pronto. She takes you for granted because she doesn't have to pay for it. I am sure as soon as she puts her child in formal childcare, she'll be turning up on time due to having to pay anyway regardless of whether she is late. Does your relative turn up late for pickup as well? Learned a long time ago never to agree to do free childcare unless I know for a fact that it is a real emergency.... people just inevitably end up taking the piss.

Coughle · 03/07/2014 02:01

If you're not willing to stop the arrangement, and she knows that, then she really has no motivation to change, does she?

TeenageMutantNinjaTurtle · 03/07/2014 04:06

You're in the right.

But she's not just going to magically change her behaviour... So if you want the situation to change, only you can do something about it.

So you'll have to find a way to stand up for yourself. I would just say to her that the current arrangement isn't working as she is messing you around on timings, that you'll give it one more week/month for her to work it out but if she can't tell you when she needs you and then turn up at the appointed time then she'll need to find alternative childcare.

sykadelic · 03/07/2014 05:10

I'd stop contacting her about her plans for drop-off/pick-up and find yourself out of the house for a while on "your days". "I hadn't heard so assumed you didn't need me and I had things to do, so sorry."

Honestly, people are rude and entitled because people ALLOW them to be.

Call off the arrangement. You have children and a job and she doesn't have enough respect for your FREE help to keep in contact. If your family judge you for that, that says more about them than you.

welshnat · 03/07/2014 06:06

When she says she'll be dropping her dc off at 10 say ok but if you're not here by 10.15 you'll have to make other arrangements because I'm going out. When sea inevitably late leave the house and text/phone saying that she was warned. What an entitled cow!

Delphiniumsblue · 03/07/2014 06:33

I would just explain, one last time, that you are quite happy but need a firm arrangement or you can't commit to being available. After that do as welshnat says.

Optimist1 · 03/07/2014 06:40

If you don't do what PPs have suggested, OP, you should change your MN nickname to Doormat.

Donkey36 · 03/07/2014 06:44

YANBU, I am very fortunate in that my parents provide my child are for my youngest child whilst I work, however our arrangement only works because we have very clear guidelines and a business type contract in place ( ie same rules that would apply in a nursery) I let my parents know in advance of any late meetings/ changes to my normal hours and "ask" rather than "expect" if they can accommodate them, you need to have good talk with this family member she is taking what is a very generous commitment on your part for granted and being IMO very disrespectful of your needs, if she doesn't like the rules then I would suggest you tell her the arrangement can't continue.

It can work fantastically as long as both parties are aware of the guidelines and appreciate the huge commitment that those providing the child care are undertaking.

Good luck!

Lj8893 · 03/07/2014 06:47

Agree with what welshnat said. Your just going to have to be firm with her.

MrsGeorgeMichael · 03/07/2014 07:03

so not only is she entitled, other family members are?

who on earth excepts free childcare to be a given?

LindyHemming · 03/07/2014 07:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 03/07/2014 07:28

Stop being a pushover!

Family rift? Hmm

Boo-bloody -hoo on your family member who treats you like one of her minions.

Get your back bone straightened , get arsey with her if necessary.

MehsMum · 03/07/2014 07:35

YANBU. She's being really rude and inconsiderate. Don't enquire about her hours: just tell her that next Weds (or whenever her child is due) you have to be out all morning... Leaving at 9 sharp... and if her child isn't with you by then, you're going out anyway.

AnonyMust · 03/07/2014 07:35

Where is the family pressure coming from that so unreasonably expects you to accommodate her?

DoJo · 03/07/2014 07:40

She clearly isn't worried about causing a family rift by treating you like your time doesn't matter. If your family all share the opinion that you should put up and shut up even though you are being incredibly kind and generous, then I'd suggest a rift would probably be a blessed relief for you!

Pumpkinpositive · 03/07/2014 07:42

I have asked the family member to let me know in future if she'll be late dropping off, but she seems to think that it's no big deal if she's late

Ah well, if her lateness is no big deal, your being at the gym when she arrives late won't be a "big deal" either, will it? Good to know she's so laid back about these things.

Why on earth are you providing free childcare for this person anyway? Is there no form of compensation whatsoever?

I would say that if your family believe this person is entitled to free childcare, then they should pitch in and deliver it.

Swipe left for the next trending thread