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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WIBU to book us separate accommodation?

67 replies

EndoplasmicReticulum · 01/07/2014 23:19

Reading and posting on another thread has got me worrying about planned holiday with In laws in August. Mil booked cottage a while back but turns out there are more other relatives staying in it than I first thought and there won't be a satisfactory sleeping arrangement. There are 3 bedrooms with double beds in each, and two single sofas to sleep on in the living room.

There will be mil, fil, husband and I and two children aged 8and 10. Also 2 other female relatives who are mother and daughter ( daughter is in her 30 s). For a week. Now the only way I see this going to fit us all in is either with my children sharing a double bed ( not going to work, trust me) or them sleeping on living room sofas which means either they stay up until everyone else goes to bed or we can't use the living room in the evening.

Cottage has been booked in seaside holiday town and I just thought it might not be too late to find us ( me, husband , children) a caravan or something instead rather than all ramming in with in laws.

We were going to give mil our share of cost of cottage.

Would it be rude of me to try to find somewhere else so that we had a bit more space? And retained sanity?

OP posts:
Georgethesecond · 02/07/2014 08:20

Mine can share a double bed if they build a pillow barrier down the middle. Give it a try.

MrsDavidBowie · 02/07/2014 08:23

Definitely book own accommodation.
Horrible having people sleeping on sofas in a living room.
Not my idea of a holiday.

Doyouthinktheysaurus · 02/07/2014 08:25

God, it sounds horrific.

We always book enough bedrooms for our dses to have a room each, never mind a bed! This is because holidays are supposed to be relaxing and our boys are calmer and sleep better in separate rooms.

I would book a caravan if you can afford to stump up the cost for both. It's not really fair to back out of the holiday property after agreeing to them.

AllHailTheBigPurpleOne · 02/07/2014 08:25

Book elsewhere seeing as you are paying for it anyway. Even with two adults on the sofa they will need somewhere to hang their clothes and put their suitcases.
I wouldn't pay to sleep on a sofa, and I also wouldn't pay to have surprise holiday guests.

AnsonsVoyageRoundTheWorld · 02/07/2014 08:28

I would (and have many times) had the kids on the floor either side of your double.

Depending on the type sofa beds might you be able to use the 'mattresses' from them and still use them? We have had sofa beds like that although I realise most aren't.

VSeth · 02/07/2014 08:37

Before you book anything else I would ask MIL what she is planning to do about sleeping arrangements? Maybe she has a plan? Maybe one of the doubles can be separated? Or maybe she was thinking of putting both of them in a double with a barrier? (I slept in a bed with my sister on holiday with no issues as a child).

If her plan doesn't work then yes book some thing else, depending what country you are going to caravans might not be an option but you might be able to find a house or apartment.

starfishmummy · 02/07/2014 08:47

Talk to mother in law about it.
I am a bit confused here - if you find somewhere else would you still pay your share of the cottage or not? If not then that might mean the others can't afford it

WashingFanatic · 02/07/2014 08:50

I would say you, dh and dc in the biggest room would be the best option.

Maybe ask MIL to contact the owner to see if they have any spare matresses/camps beds? It's always a possibility.

iwantgin · 02/07/2014 08:52

Sounds

iwantgin · 02/07/2014 08:53

Sounds far too many people for my liking.

How many bathrooms are there?

We holiday with my DP annually but always ensure that there are enougg bedrooms and more than enough bathrooms

iwantgin · 02/07/2014 08:53

Sounds far too many people for my liking.

How many bathrooms are there?

We holiday with my DP annually but always ensure that there are enougg bedrooms and more than enough bathrooms

ViviPru · 02/07/2014 09:07

turns out there are more other relatives staying in it than I first thought

This is key, and the timing of the knowledge of additional relatives in relation to the booking.

Were costs calculated and agreed when you were under the impression it was just going to be you, DH, DCs and PiLs? If so then you wouldn't be unreasonable to renege on the arrangement and find separate accommodation.

If it was all really vague about cost/share/attendees when you agreed to go then you can still reasonably renege as you based your choice on the understanding there would be a separate bed per person in bedrooms. (Although you didn't explicitly state that at the outset, I think it would be reasonable to assume that that would be a given).

The problems begin if you have agreed to it since being privy to the exact headcount/sleeping arrangements, as it will be harder to now say 'actually on reflection that won't work for us' now everyone is committed based on you stumping up a third of the cost.

If you're flying it sounds like this isn't just a cheap quick break; time and money has been invested. The thought of sharing that configuration of beds vs. number of people is far from ideal in any circumstances other than a bargain weekend away.

GoEasyPudding · 02/07/2014 09:17

Give your MIL a ring now and ask her for the facts, who is sleeping where and what is the split of costs.

Be ready to tell your MIL there on the phone that you didn't know about the extra people and therefore this accommodation will not suit you.

Go from there.

If this were me and the extra people and not enough rooms was info just sprung on me I would certainly be looking for other accommodation urgently.

Peekingduck · 02/07/2014 09:26

I agree with GoEasy. I don't know why some people have given you grief on this thread, you agreed on this holiday when the numbers were different. Holidays are supposed to be a break after all, not a week where everyone grits their teeth and puts up with overcrowding and stupid sleeping arrangements. Nobody should ever be sleeping in the lounge because inevitably someone will want to get up in the night for a drink, or very early in the morning, and wake them up.
I'd be either booking more accommodation or not going at all.

Bouttimeforwine · 02/07/2014 09:31

I'd share your room with the kids on airbeds. They are really cheap in tesco etc. Then the sofas don't get used and nobody has to go to bed late or early and the kids are free to get up and watch the tv before everyone else wakes up.

Nanny0gg · 02/07/2014 09:48
SaucyJack · 02/07/2014 09:55

" If you do end up with 2 DC in a double bed then divide it down the middle with a bolster and have one DC with their head at this end on the far side from the door and the other DC with their head at that end on the other side. Then there's not much overlap or opportunity for fighting. "

Excellent idea. Because of course a 10 and 8 year old aren't just going to jump straight up the minute you close the door and have a pillow fight..... Wink

ILovedYouYesterday · 02/07/2014 09:56

Sounds grim to me.

How many bathrooms? If only one between eight people, it will be a nightmare.

My family just would not get any sleep in that situation. DH is tall and we have a super king at home so, if the double bed we get is small, we've had it for starters and that's without squeezing children in the room. We would all be ready to kill by day two!

I understand some people manage fine all piled in but we just dont so we always make sure we book somewhere with extra space and definitely more than one bog between us.

My mum loves the idea of piling in and is never happier than when every room of her house had relatives on airbeds in it! I was fine with this until I hit my mid-twenties and realised I like my sleep!

I would try and book the caravan, if I were you Grin

Contraryish · 02/07/2014 10:00

I'd put the children down to bed in two of the other rooms to begin with and then transfer them to the sofabeds in the living room once everyone else goes to bed. That way they could get up early and watch television or whatever without disturbing anyone else.

But it does sound a little on the claustrophobic side. If I got on less than perfectly with the others involved the caravan would be tempting!

Mrsjayy · 02/07/2014 10:03

Really would the fight all night honestly put the kids in the double bed and let them get on with it

MrsDavidBowie · 02/07/2014 10:20

God yes bathrooms. Have to have my own. Don't even like dh sharing it.

Mrsjayy · 02/07/2014 10:27

mrsdbyou are such a diva Grin

Heels99 · 02/07/2014 10:28

I would be unhappy with these arrangements too. As others have said, you need to speak to mil and find out what she has planned.sleeping on the sofa in living room isn't really going to work. Could the girls pitch a tent in the garden and camp? What are the plans for cooking, budgets etc

weatherall · 02/07/2014 11:10

4 of you in one room. We do this when visiting in laws.

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 02/07/2014 11:25

I think you should suggest that one child pitches in with you and DH on the floor, the other in with your PIL's, or they take both Grin

From the start your kids were going to be sharing a room so I think it would be unreasonable to back out of the financial arrangement now, a three bed cottage in August anywhere is not cheap. It is not practical for the kids to sleep on the sofa's unless they are the sort of children that can be moved around midnight without much hassle. I would query with MIL if everyone is paying an equal share or whether the aunt/cousin are expecting to camp on sofas for the week?

At 8 & 10 yrs old, I would expect that they will be up much later than usual and so are likely to crash around 10pm and make little ruckus when sent to bed. To be frank, it might be good for them to share a room.

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