To be annoyed that we're not invited to wedding/birthday party

[London70]

I've been friends or so I thought with this woman at my kids primary school for about 3 years. Two of my sons are the exact same age as two of mine. For the first two years our sons did joint birthday parties. Last year she decided not to, didn't give her reasons and didn't invite my son to her son's party. The same happened this year. We have invited her son as both years we did a picnic in the park for loads of kids and to leave him out would have been mean. A few months ago she announced she and her partner are getting married and it quickly became apparent we weren't invited. I know weddings are really expensive but I don't know what we have done to be dropped quite so comprehensively and it annoys me that it has impacted on my son. I'm also cross because she is a psychologist and I feel she should have more awareness about the impact of her behaviour. I have years ahead of being at the same school so probably need to find a way if addressing it with her. I should add as a family they are considerably better off than us and I slighty get the impression we aren't quite smart enough as a family but i may be bitter and twisted!

Really?

I'd be annoyed at your DS not being invited to the party too . Good that you asked her don though ,

I'm not sure why you thought you might be invited to the wedding, or why you would want to go!

She knows what she us doing and the likely impact. Which means she's a bitch. Steer cleat

Are you friends other than through your children? Do you ever socialise together? If not, I definitely wouldn't expect a wedding invitation.

I would hazard a guess that she never actually saw you personally as a friend of hers, but as the mother of a child that her child was at one point good friends with, hence the joint parties. Not due to bosom buddiness, but because it split the cost and the kids got on.

Clearly something has changed there, and if there was a problem yes, you'd hope someone would talk to you but clearly she isn't going to so it would be easier for you to reclassify her as the mother of a child who used to be a friend of your child's and just forget about her.

Did you see each other socially other than at the school gates?

Seems bizarre that you expect an invite to her wedding

Agree with hectate.

Don't think it is about money, kids grow apart and then this sort of thing happens.

It has happened to me. Imagine how needy I would have seemed had I demanded an explanation or invite.

Perhaps her sons didn't want to invite yours to their parties - just because they are the same age doesn't mean that they have to be friends. And perhaps it's a small wedding and she's only inviting her closest friends and family. I'm not sure what her being a psychologist has to do with it - she doesn't have to be best friends with everyone just because of her profession!

Of course YABU.
You both happen to be parents who have dc of the same age. End of. Why on earth would she invite you to her wedding?

I have people I am friendly enough with, from when my ds started Nursery 15 years ago - we get on, we chat when we see each other, over the years we've shared lifts, and recently we've occasionally met up for a coffee and a catch up, but I certainly wouldn't consider them to be people that are my closest or 'nearest and dearest'. I've got a big birthday coming up and they aren't even on the list of possibles for that party (that's without accommodating partner's family and friends) - they are what they are... parents who have dc the same age as my dc.

Why do people get themselves so worked up about this. The only common factor is that you have children the same age. Did you expect to always do joint birthdays?
Maybe you came on a bit strong as you have done here and she needed to distance herself.
Expecting a reason for not having joint birthdays, and not being invited to the wedding is ott.

Seems very unkind about the kid's party but I would never expect to be invited to the wedding of someone who I knew only from school.Not sure what her profession has to do with it though.

Thanks for the straight talking! We have met u

Sorry pressed done to early. We used to meet every week and do lunch / play group. We've been to each other's grown up parties. But something changed and I'm annoyed and hurt that she hasn't the balls to address it with me.

The professionally unoffended are out in force! OP I can totally see why you'd be sad about this, if she's invited a lot of school playground parents. And not inviting your son wasn't very nice, either.

Have you had the balls to ask her what's changed?

You don't need to "address it with her"; you need to make peace with it yourself. Otherwise those many years at school together will be very awkward.

Sometimes there isn't anything to address in situations like this, people's lives just move on and that's a natural consequence of time, it doesn't mean there's an actual issue or problem that needs to be solved.

I think stuff like this is quite common among women when they have children, people make friends with others just because they are sharing a major life event, and that's ok. I spent a lot of time with some lovely people when my children were small, but I don't spend much time with them now, not because I don't like them anymore but just because life has moved on for all of us.

Maybe her son doesn't like your son for some reason. Children shouldn't be forced to be friends just because of their parents. It would be odd to make your child invite someone to their limited numbers birthday party just because you used to have a coffee and do playgroup with their Mum.

WooWoo is talking a lot of sense.

You are completely right! Thank you!

It is the sort of thing in life that does not need "addressing" or "having it out" once you are past age 14, but something that has to be accepted with quiet dignity.

And I have been there, and felt hurt inside, but accepted it and moved on.

It is life.

What has her being. Psychologist got to do with anything?