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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to tell my son he's now on his own...

31 replies

paperpeony · 01/07/2014 16:53

My teenage son has SEN, so troubles in school have meant he has low self esteem, doesn't always know how to act in social situations (it's part of his chromosome abnormality they say) and kids don't take well to him. All through school (several schools since we've moved house a few times - different towns) he has had trouble with other kids, bullying him, attacking him, name calling. My heart breaks for him and I get really angry wondering why him? Why my son? He's good as gold at home, a gentle soul.

Only he's not. He's actually not that nice of a person at school to other kids and says stupid things in anger at them which gets him in trouble. He's been at his new school for about a month, and already he's got most of the school on his back for the things he says.

I've just been made aware of instances where he's talked about someone's family, the boy just told me in the street after I pulled him up about making gestures to my son in front of me - said he was 'going to get battered' by a whole year group, two years above. I took exception to this and told him so. Then he told me about the things my son has been saying.

I won't be seen to be allowing my son to act this way, but I can't allow a person to threaten him in my presence, so I left it in a 'ok so is this going to end between all of you now?'. I don't think it will but I'm not as worried about that part.

I'm worried about my son and what to do. I'm tired of sticking up for him when a lot of the time he doesn't help himself. I am not the 'my son is an angel, and you can't tell me otherwise' type of person, I'll never allow it. I tell him off when he needs to be told off and this is one of those times. Do I tell him I am leaving him to it - wash my hands of it - Never stick up for him again?

I feel like a fool. All this time I thought he was at school avoiding confrontation and in reality he's been in the thick of it, pushing it further. Anyone else been in a similar situation?

OP posts:
Nanny0gg · 02/07/2014 10:01

Post all of this on the SEN boards - there's one for teenagers and young adults amongst others.

Wealth of experience and advice there too.

Good luck!

Morrigu · 02/07/2014 23:14

Funny I'd put a watch on this post as something rang a bell for me in your first two posts that I suspected your son has the same thing as my own.

I honestly don't have much to add only to say that if you are on facebook there is a support group for this condition xxy/Klinefelter Syndrome Society. Also a group called Klinefelter Parents Chat. The latter is great for support of parents and might be able to point you in the right direction locally even though a lot of users are in the U.S. It helps to know you aren't alone in facing the particular challenges the syndrome can bring.

My own son is a good bit younger but I totally understand how you feel like you are banging your head against a brick wall at times with regards to school.

GrannyOnTheSchoolRun · 03/07/2014 05:28

Paperpeony, you've said neither of you have been given the correct support to deal with your boys condition and I'm wondering if its because there is more than dyslexia going on here and that you're spot on - neither of you have been given the correct support because he as been misdiagnosed.

GrannyOnTheSchoolRun · 03/07/2014 05:31

Sorry PP, once again the full thread doesnt load in my browser and I answer thinking there's only a handful of replies when there is in fact pages of them that appear - once Ive answered. Sorry.

Icimoi · 03/07/2014 06:23

OP, people on the SEN boards will tell you that many of them were confidently told that their children would never get a statement - just before they got statements. Do post on the SEN children thread (not the teenagers one, it doesn't get much traffic) and also contact an organisation such as IPSEA or SOS SEN that advises parents of children with SEN - both of them run helplines and SOS run drop-in centres.

Icimoi · 03/07/2014 06:23

Sorry, I meant the SEN Children board, not thread.

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