Bed time for 9 year old?

[wishingonastar123]

Every weekend when my step kids are here we end having issues over bed time...

I have DS5 and DD 22 months who go to bed around 7.30 every night including weekends, with some flexibility when it's needed.

DSD9 and DSS7 stay over alternate weekends. Prior to DH being with me he used to let them stay up as late as they like, he'd put them in bed often when they had fallen asleep on sofa or when they were absolutely exhausted and ready to flop. It would often be gone 10.30pm when they went to bed.
When they stay at their grandma's (DH's Mum's) she also lets them stay up late, they also claim they stay up till similar times at their Mum's but I don't know how true that is.

Anyway a couple of months ago I put my foot down and said they need to be in bed at 9pm. I think that's late enough for them to enjoy an evening with us, get a bit of time without the little ones but not too late that they will be grumpy in the morning.
But DSD argues about it, refuses to go to bed, sulks, cries, threatens to stay at her grandmas and never stay at our house again blah blah.

DH also hasn't helped matters by negotiating over the time with her, so now she thinks its open for negotiation.

I don't want to come across as the wicked step mum but when they are getting woken up by the little ones at 6.30-7am they need to be going to bed at a reasonable hour. They are completely different children when they have had a decent night's sleep compared to how they are when they're shattered.

Also due to the hours DH and I work we don't see each other much, he works days and I work evenings, I'm at work for 12 hours on a Saturday, we need an hour or 2 to ourselves on a Saturday night. In the past there's been nights when I've gone to bed before they have! That's just ridiculous!

So am I being unreasonable to say 9 year old needs to go to bed at 9pm? DSS7 isn't too bothered, it's just DSD who keeps arguing.

My 10 year old goes to sleep at 9pm, will often be in bed by 8.30pm and then read till 9pm. My 8 year old goes to bed at 8pm, I feel they need their sleep in order to do what ever we have planed the next day. Sounds like dsd is just testing the boundaries and trying to get her own way, I would decide a time with dh and stick to it.

My 10yo is rarely in bed later than 9pm. He's often begging to go up before 8pm.

Goint to bed at a reasonable time and being up fairly early means that we're able to get the boys out to places as soon as they open, before they get really busy. Maybe you could use going somewhere fun as a motivator to help to "reset" expectations.

I had the same issue with my step kids. We agreed bedtime routine that included being read to and suddenly they co-operated. They didn't like the change - made them feel like they were being pushed out. We explained that sleep was important, routine important, and yes...when their Dad was going through the divorce routine suffered but had to be re-established.

Once DH was on board they were fine.

9pm at that age is perfectly normal. But do make sure that you have exceptions to the rules for nights out or the occasional late movie night.

Once they've lived a bit of a chaotic life getting them back to routine is more difficult and takes time and patience.

My 7 & 9 year olds have a bedtime of 7.30-8 on weekdays with lights off at 9pm. At weekends it's the same unless we are out doing stuff, or sometimes we have a film night which goes on till 8.30-9.

Our almost 9 year old goes to bed at the same time as her younger brother so 8pm during the week and a bit later at weekends. Like you we allow for flexibility.

However, I do know that this is early compared to dd's friends.

9pm sounds very reasonable to me. My oldest is 8 and goes at around 8.30pm usually, or sometimes slightly later (sometimes earlier if they need to get up early)