... to think no one would even comment if the genders were reversed in this situation

[BedsitBob]

A male colleague has resigned from his job and is planning to take some time out to (quote him) "play lots of golf, sort out some things round the house and be about more for his DC (who is an older teen and having a tough time atm by all accounts)".

His wife works full time and her salary will cover the bills. He has a pot of money from a redundancy payment a few years ago that they can dip into if necessary.

I've found it really surprising (and very disheartening) how many people have made comments about him living off his wife's salary and expressing astonishment that she is happy to finance him "playing golf and pottering around at home".

I can't help thinking that if the genders were reversed, no one would bat an eye lid. AIBU to be frustrated by the double standards?

well, if there's no pregnancy or no baby people will comment. I know of a single woman who is going part time for personal reasons (she's not pregnant) and there has been an unhealthy amount of interest and analysis. I think she's entitled to have some free time. She doesn't need a man or a baby to justify that. And for that matter, she can be a home maker without a family.

If you don't get into gossip about other peoples business, you don't have these dilemmas.

It's for a family unit to decide what they need to do, btw, I don't believe he will be "playing golf", there's probably a lot going on that he doesn't want the gossip mongers to have a field day with.

They would pass comment if the genders were reversed, gossipers always find shit to chat about.

I would be delighted for him, if I met him. I wouldn't be negative at all. If his family unit can afford it, and this is what they have decided to do, then fantastic.

I agree that there may be something else going on though, that he doesn't want to share with everyone. I left a job recently: I didn't tell them the real reason I was going.

I would read what the man has said as code for 'none of anyone's business why I am leaving my job'.

People will comment whatever choices you make. If a woman is a SAHM she's a freeloader, if a man is a SAHD he's unmanly and living off his wife, if both parents work then "Oh think of the children..."

Yabu. You only have to look on here to get a taste of how equal the judgment about older SAH parents is.

My friend has just quit his job, gave similar reasons but the truth is he made good investments, mortgage paid and his wife loves her job. Really he is not being a SAHP ( I teenager and one adult), he is taking early retirement but he couldn't be bothered with the "it's alright for some" remarks.

I think a female would get the same number of comments... People get jealous of people who can afford not to work, it's just human nature...

If a woman left her job to 'potter around' when there was only an older teen at home, plenty of people would be bitchy about her being 'a kept woman' and 'sponging' off her husband, and plenty of other uncomplementary things, so I don't think the genders are that important really.

They would also probably be warning her of how big a risk she was taking in 'relying' on her husband's salary, as it's seen as a recipe for diasaster if the marriage were to fail.

Basically, people have a habit of being judgemental busybodies whatever the situation...

I think the description "play lots of golf" at the top of the list is what's causing the .

If a woman said she was leaving her job to "have lots of manicures" I think you'd get the same reaction.

Thing is though, most women wouldn't say that, they'd put "more time with DC" at the top of the list.

I agree the real reason is probably the DC or some other unmentioned reason. But clearly the man doesn't feel comfortable saying so explicitly. That's a shame.