To ask Ex to buy these things?

[D0oinMeCleanin]

I know INBU, but he will think I am and I need to not lose my temper and start calling him feckless because that will get me no-where.

The DC need clothes for a school performance. I've asked him to buy dd2 a pair of shorts (she already has a top and I will buy sandals) and dd1 a hat and shirt (she already has shorts and I will need to buy boots)

What I've asked him to buy comes in at about £30 (just shy of, with delivery), which I know is expensive, but when it comes to school things, particularly this event, I'd rather spend £30 on things they'll wear again than £10 or £15 on dress up clothes that will be worn for half a day and forgotten about.

He pays no maintenance, at all. He feeds them at his about once or twice a week. He will often ask me to send toilet roll or milk with them. He no longer does any overnights because the children simply will not stay there, it's only dinner 2x per week max.

It is not wrong to expect him to pay for these things is it?

Give me calm, coherent reasoning to present to him when he starts asking why he should pay for them or how he is meant to afford it.

Does he work? Of course he should be paying for his children! He should be making regular set contributions

Yanbu.
And hassle the CSA

Yes, he works, but I am gold digging bitch whose run away with his child tax credits, that he needs to pay his bills with, so he cannot afford to pay for his children.

I also left him in debt (looks around at all the things we didn't take from his house)

The thing is he paid his credit accounts without using the TC, he hoarded the TC for expensive holidays each year, so I know he can cover any debt he has with his wages.

You do know that no matter what you say he won't bother,don't you?

You cannot rely on people who are not decent to behave like they are you can only force them using the CMS

I'm hoping to appeal to his better nature, Socks

Don't you have to pay the CSA now? I don't that would benefit either of us. I'd hardly get anything from them. We'd be just paying an outside agency for nothing. Plus, ime, they are not worth paying for. I gave up trying to get dd1's bio dad to pay for her after 4 years of fighting with them. They kept loosing DNA results, or closing the case "in error" or loosing all of our files. Even having our MP write to them made not a jot of difference. I gained nothing but headaches from 4 years of fighting, phone calls, letters and 2 separate DNA tests.

This is why Ex won't pay. Why he should he pay, when dd1's bio dad never did.

Dd1's bio dad has never had any contact with. Ex raised her as his own for 10 years.

so only dd2 is his child?
its good he takes both girls for tea but he's only responsible for child 2 financially (unless he adopted dd1).
I don't think what your asking is unreasonable as he pays no maintenance, but you probably shouldn't be asking him for money for dd1. better to just make a formal £ arrangement for dd2.

I wasn't meaning that as a dig at all.

I've just learnt over the years that decent parents who honour their responsibilities don't need to be persuaded.

Yanbu to expect him to pay but these type of men aren't suddenly going to stop being shits because you've left him. He was presumably a shit when you were with him and continues to be so now. Save the energy and don't bother trying to persuade someone who will either never give in or will hold it over your head as proof he contributes.

Oh I know. The was at the thought of him having a better nature, not your very sensible comment

He has replied to me re the having the children tonight, but is conveniently ignoring my request for clothes for them.