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Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Elderly mum and piss taking (IMO) gardeners.

20 replies

fluffyraggies · 30/06/2014 21:41

Telling the whole long-winded story for info.

My mum is a keen gardener but is elderly now and widowed and has been gradually finding the heavy work around the garden more and more difficult.

Last summer she responded to a flyer posted by a couple who live in the same village advertising their gardening and odd job services. The arrangement was that they would cut the grass for a set fee each week (£10 a cut) through the summer months and if and when anything else needed doing they would charge an additional fee. Cash in hand. I've never met the couple, all i know about them is through my mum.

So; Mum relays all her conversations to me in great detail and after a few weeks i was hearing all about this couple and how they live in a 2nd floor flat and yet have 2 ride on lawn mowers and big power tools to store. Soon they were telling mum how they had been told to get their stuff out of a nearby barn they were using as the farmer wanted it back for his livestock. Lastly they told her they had ''no idea where they were going to put it all''. Coincidentally this last bit was just after mum had walked them through her large, mostly empty, double garage for some thing or other.

Mum told me she offered to house the largest ride on lawn mower in the garage and they had bought it round that night. I asked how that was going to work out if they needed the machine while she was out and she said it's fine she'd given them a key! I was a bit Hmm - but she was adamant she wanted to do this for them. I asked if she was going to charge any storage fee and she said no, but she had suggested they do her gardening for free in payment for the permanent use of the garage and they'd said yes.

2 weeks later and ALL their stuff was in the garage, taking up the whole floor area. DH and i felt that mum was being a soft touch, and that she'd been a bit quick to give virtual strangers a key to part of her property and permission to come and go as they please. (They now do her gardening when they are picking stuff up out of the garage or dropping stuff off, not by 'appointment' as it were). It's hard to say much to mum about it as a) she is quite feisty and doesn't like to be challenged, b) she is clearly enjoying the extra 'drama' in her life of having these people coming and going, (waving at them out the window etc) plus c) she feels she is being helpful.

The fact that mum was getting her gardening done for nothing made me just been bite my lip bout the garage when she tells me how wonderful and kind they are.

So - to get to the point - today i find out from one of my DDs who were round there last week that she is still paying the couple for their gardening! DD saw her give them money.

I haven't raised this with her yet but i know what she'll say. It'll be oh how nice they are and how good they are at cutting her lawn and how they need her garage etc.

This is taking the piss surely? They are meant to be running a proper business but are using an old lady's garage as storage for their equipment and more than that it seems are still charging her for her gardening!

DH suggests getting hold of their number and 'having a word'. Mum would hate it if she found out.

What do you think? WWYD?

OP posts:
parakeet · 30/06/2014 21:49

I would discuss it with your mum first - ask why she is still paying them. You never know, she might have asked them to carry out some extra task.

If you still feel she's being taken advantage of, then you would seem to have nothing to lose by having the word with the couple.

littlewhitebag · 30/06/2014 21:49

Is DD certain she saw your DM give them money and if she is, can she be sure it was for the gardening? They hadn't maybe got some shopping for her or something?

I can't see what is wrong with your DM letting them use her empty garage. I assume they can't access her house from it? She is obviously enjoying the company. They should though be paying her rental or doing the garden for free.

I don't think you should call them. I think you should ask your DM how it is going with them and how much free gardening she is getting and how much she is paying for. Say it like you assume that she is still paying for some. Maybe along the lines of " Are they doing the grass free and are you paying for weeding?".

MammaTJ · 30/06/2014 21:50

Unless she has dementia, she is able to control her own life. You may not like it or approve, but that is how it is.

Just keep an eye for anything really worrying.

I assume the key they have is just for where they store things, not for the entire house.

iMN · 30/06/2014 21:51

Talk to the local PCSO, say you have safeguarding concerns, your mum is elderly and becoming vulnerable, ask them to have a gentle look in to the situation. Or even if you don't, then maybe you or your sister could happen to loudly mention a few of those key words the next time the couple are in the driveway! Or find some related literature, fliers etc, and leave them draped over their equipment.

They are taking the piss if they are still charging for work and getting valuable free storage.

livelablove · 30/06/2014 21:52

I think it would be a fair exchange if they were doing the garden free. It makes them seem a bit dodgy that they are charging her. Also not keen on them having a key unless it is just for the garage.

MissMilbanke · 30/06/2014 21:55

Erm what about insurance if those expensive pieces of equipment were stolen ?

Rosa · 30/06/2014 21:56

ask your mum who would be responsable if the garage was broken into and anything stolen ? If they are coming and going regularly with expensive equipment then it is a risk.

SistersOfPercy · 30/06/2014 21:57

There are some cheeky twats about. One of my elderly mother's neighbours informed a bloke down the road he could park his new (to him) car in my mums garage because they didn't have a drive. Just have a word he says, she doesn't use it!

No, she doesn't, but I bloody do and interfering neighbor was quickly told about the fact i store a classic car there frankly was bloody rude of him to offer someone else's property!

Op please look into this more, I'll bet your mum is saving them a fortune in storage costs.

soverylucky · 30/06/2014 21:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Rosa · 30/06/2014 21:57

Miss milbanke - 'snap'

tryingtocatchthewind · 30/06/2014 21:58

Is the house accessible through the garage? I'd find out what the money was for and if it was extras the I'd leave it for now

MissMilbanke · 30/06/2014 21:59

Waves to 'sensible' Rosa

frames · 30/06/2014 22:01

Essentially she is ensuring they stay in business. I would be charging them storage. Find out how much a lock up is near your Mum, and let them know. They are ttp. They will be raking it in over the summer.

fluffyraggies · 30/06/2014 22:05

Bugger - wrote a post an it disappeared!

Answers coming ...

OP posts:
fluffyraggies · 30/06/2014 22:10

Thank you. Glad it's not just us being suspicious/miserable sods.

The money was definitely for gardening. The woman was out back cutting some vine down. Surely they shouldn't be charging her anything. There's not that much to do over and above the lawn.

The key is just for the garage.

Is she still sharp of mind? Honestly no. Everything is rather polarised in her view nowadays. Everyone are saints or sinners. Obviously the sun is shinning straight out of these gardeners!

Bloody good point about the insurance. What would happen?!

Yes they are raking it in. (great pun btw)

Good idea about the PCSO too.

OP posts:
Giraffeski · 30/06/2014 22:13

Could she have asked them to buy some fertiliser for the lawn or something like that?

ThePinkOcelot · 30/06/2014 22:15

My DH is renting a council garage and pays £8.50 per week. It isn't a double garage either. She must be saving them a fortune. They are really taking advantageof her if they are still charging her for her gardening.

fluffyraggies · 30/06/2014 22:25

I will speak to mum. She's 76, I meant to say. I know what she'll say though :)

The money may have been for sundries. So i could be wrong. I'm just preparing myself for what to do if she is paying them for gardening still.

Pink that's interesting about council garage. With these big mowers they need a large area plus a good big area to drive in and out. A small garage wouldn;t do. Or having to get them up an alley way or something. Mums garage opens onto a very wide drive and she lives on a quiet lane. I can see why they want to use it. Its perfect.

My dad wouldn't have had this.

I havn't met the couple. I live 45 mins drive away and the couple come and go without warning now.

OP posts:
Mumoftwoyoungkids · 30/06/2014 22:29

On the other hand it sounds like it is giving her a bit of an interest.

My (retired) dad is on the national committee of a sport and travels around the country doing various things for it and half the time doesn't bother claiming his travel expenses back. And they are getting his expertise (he has a background in this sort of area so he is very valuable) for free.

But it means that his retirement has a structure, he feels important, he feels valuable, he gets to see people (other than my mum), he feels part of a community.

The things that he is giving up (time and a small amount of money for travel costs) are not scarce commodities for him.

Maybe this is the same for your mum. She has no need for the garage so is giving up someing she doesn't value and in return gets to wave at (and possibly talk at???) the gardener people regularly. Which - if she's bored and lonely - does have value to her.

Yes - they are taking the mickey and I'd be concerned about e whole insurance issue but sometimes it is better to let things be.

fluffyraggies · 01/07/2014 07:38

mumoftwo - yes you have summed up perfectly why i've let it go up to now I'm torn!

It's true they are not doing any 'harm' to anyone, but I'm an only child, so is mum, and so was my dad, so i have sole responsibility for mum as she ages. It falls to me to watch over her.

Ideally i would like to happen to be there when they turned up one day, with mum out of earshot, and just show my concern. ''This must be so helpful to you, it's a great space isn't it? Being elderly she enjoys having you coming and going. You ARE doing mum's gardening for free to pay for it aren't you?' Or similar.

Chances of me bumping into them like that are pretty much zero at the mo. Hence DHs idea of ringing them. The irony is that for 8 years before this couple turned up on the scene i lived only 4 doors down from mum! Would have been easier.

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