am i being a bit cynical....

[sohelpful]

a bit cynical or unreasonable.

just wondering why(?) some grandparents- high percentage being women- seem to want to "take over " their grandchildren?
the cynical me says it's to take over the matriarchal role, and looking towards the future for support and care.

told you it is a cynical question.

also, even when they are exhausted, they still want to remain in control of the younger generation.

I ask this, because I have seen a few examples of this recently, not wanting to relinquish their role within the family as they are becoming older,
by doing this refusing to allow grown dc's to cut the apron strings.

friends of mine actually behave as though they are the actual parents, and without them the world will stop spinning.

sorry if I appear a bit "odd" but my recent experiences lead me to believe they still want to rule the adult children.

just wondering, no need to flame me.

Never had this with either set of grandparents here. My mum does everything exactly as I wish. My mil prefers not to see the chikdren at all.

I think it sounds nonsense tbh. I think some people are just over bearing. They are overbearing children, over bearing mothers and then over bearing grandmothers.

Gosh - I've never actually come across this.

Not seen this - I was always happy for any help coming my way!

Sorry, not seen this at all.

I've seen it. A member of my extended family did it with her grandchildren. Always moaned and complained about it but revelled in the role of 'Mother'. Wouldn't have been out of the loop for a microsecond and actively encouraged parents to go on holiday without their dcs (her grandkids).

Turned out to be a vile, nasty, emotionally manipulative woman who had a detrimental effect on her dcs/granddcs.

You describe my mother exactly. She would have taken over parenting my dds completely if I'd let her. And she managed to get me in that much of anxious and insecure place that I was afraid to do anything without running it by her first. It even effected my marriage!

My only option was to cut her out completely and go no contact. I have since realised that she is a Narcissist though and actually her behaviour isn't all normal for a mother or grandmother.

*at all normal

And I think she did it because it gave her life purpose. She had nothing without them. They gave her life meaning, but not in an enriching sense, iyswim?

And I agree with Scarlett in thay you can identify Narcissistic personality traits within the person carrying out such behaviours/actions.