To not allow DSS(15) to bring round 18 rated games?

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DSS is allowed to play these games at him mums house and I have no issues with this as its his mums decision. However, he bought some of the games when he stayed for christmas and both him and DS1(15) spent a quite a long time playing with them. They are violent, which I don't like, and I was constantly having to nag at them to turn it off and do something else. In the end I also told DS1 he couldn't actually play on them because i was fed up of watching (and listening) to them killing people.

DSS is staying for four weeks over the summer and I really don't want him to bring them round. DH thinks I'm being unfair and is refusing to talk to him about it, and instead says that if they are allowed in his mums house then he should be allowed to play them in his dads house.

So basically would I be unreasonable to insist that they are not allowed?

I think if his mom and dad are happy for him to play them then there is little you can do to stop him. Your own son, well, you'd be able to place restrictions on him playing them, if his dad would agree. To be honest, at 15 I think you might be a little unreasonable to stop him.
If the games annoy you then maybe put a limit of how much screen time they can have each day?

Won't kill him to go without, there are plenty of other games to play and it won't be fair on your DS if he brings them.

YANBU

I'm a TA in a primary school, and the children i work with (7 & 8) play games that are for over 18's generally everyday, and they discuss in detail so I know they ain't making it up so maybe at 15 YABU (but only a little)

I would not allow them especially if other children are likely to see them.
Perhaps get some games you are happy with for your home?

I am currently refusing my DS1 who is just 9 to go to a friend's house who has that Grand Auto Theft game and several other 18 games. The friend is 8yrs old.

The mother thinks I am right up my own bum. "Its just a bit of language, just a bit of violence..."
But I don't care. I know my son and I know playing these games ain't appropriate for him.

I think it depends if there is going to be small children around to see it.

If so, I think your well within your rights.

If not I'd tell him to only play them when you are out or in his bedroom so you don't have to be subjected to it.

Your house, your rules.

I'm a Primary Teacher and I see so so much violent and aggressive play behaviour based on 18+ games - they talk about them at great length and in minute detail. It is not ok that young children are playing games that are rated 18+ it really really isn't.

I'm also an avid gamer myself (read 'gamer geek') and have many of the same games I hear being discussed at school. Even though I am an adult in my late 20s and I really enjoy the games there have been many times where they have been a bit too much even for me. The images and actions stay with you even after you've left the game.

I know 15 is a bit of a grey area but IMO YANBU to refuse that your own DSs plays them, but if your DSS has permission there's nothing you can do about it. Perhaps the fact that your DS won't be allowed to join in the game will reduce the amount of time your DSS spends on it - perhaps they'll be busy doing something else together instead. Especially as it will be the summer hols and they'll be at the beach/friends house/cinema/town all the time enjoying life! (Wishful thinking?...)

Stand firm! Good Luck :)

It's your house, you can ban them

I think YAB a tad U about a 15 year old playing 18 games. It could be worse!

YANBU those games are rated 18 for a reason, put a restriction on the playstation/xbox so it can only play games sutible for 15 and unders!

Thanks for the replies everyone. I do have two other sons (I thought I put this in the OP) who are 4 and 2. The games are played in the living room so the younger boys do see and hear them which is another concern.

Awsomer - good point about other activities. With it being summer they will (hopefully!) be doing a lot more outdoors so won't play them as much. I might just be overthinking this.

But it isn't just the OP's house is it?

Her DH lives their too. Doesn't he get a say?

When it comes down to DSS if both parents agree then you can either have an argument and ban them which imho is not a battle worth fighting. Or you can ban your DS from playing them. I know this brings it in to one rule one and one for the other but I would then let DH explain to your son why it is this way.

It's surely a good thing the two similarly aged boys have interests in common and if they're spending four weeks together at your house I think they should be able to play games together.

However, I think it's less of an issue that they are playing 18 cert games than that they are doing it in the communal living space around much younger children and annoying the OP.

Is it at all possible to put a monitor (I'm assuming you already have a console attached to the TV) in one of the their bedrooms (or perhaps the two boys share when staying with the OP?) and allow them X hours of console time a day? As for the games themselves, a lot of them sound worse than they are and they really are only games. Many people play GTA and don't actually commit the crimes. If there's one game you find particularly awful then discuss with the boys what your concerns are about it and allow them to explain how they feel about it.

I recommend giving the boys a space to play their games without annoying the rest of the family and not turn the games into a battleground and a source of resentment for the boys.

they are rated 18, do not allow your younger children watch these,

As for having them in you home, well I didn't allow them mine and still don't(eldest is 24 youngest in primary school), sit everyone down, explain why you don't want them polluting your enviroment and ask them to respect your wishes.

Your DH is being a popularity tart, call him out on it, he should not be so insecure about his relationship with his older child that he allows his younger children to have their childhood innocence removed.

If both parents are happy then I think YABU. Yes they are 18 games but what 15 year old doesn't watch 18 movies or play 18 rated games.

Any 15 year old in this house doesn't, because it my job to make that decision,

Clearly the 15 year old in question doesn't have maturity to make the judgement call as, a four year old, two year old and an adult that doesn't like it, have had it forced on them,

The fifteen year old has either chosen to ignore other family members or lacks the ability to have empathy.

It's probably about time the fifteen year old learns the meaning the word no, it is one of the most important lessons in life.

I would not allow my 2 year old or 4 year old in the room whe these games are being played and if my DH insisted on it to keep his older child happy that would be a deal breaker to me. Re. your 15 year old? I think it's entirely up to yourself but I'd imagine most 15 year old gamers play 18 games.

My friend's 4 year-old managed to watch some Call of Duty when his older brother and a friend were playing.(They shouldn't have been)

Had nightmares for a few nights...

Can't you set up the psp (or whatever system) not to allow over 18 games. You can google the information. FOR EXAMPLE here is some info on PSP parental controls. You can also (usually) limit the amount of time they can play then you don't have to 'nag' them. Agree a timescale that you are all ok with them playing then set the parental controls up. No more nagging needed! You can specify the total time and the hours between which they can play, depending on the system or software.

Yabu. Hes 15 not 5, your ds also. Manage the situation so your younger children dont see them.

YAB a bit U. My dad was happy to let me play 15s at 6-15. My mum wasn't but I played them regardless. They have not affected me. I come from a family of Gamers.

I had this situation with my stepsons. I don't approve of the 18cert violent, graphic games (COD, GTA eg) so I wouldn't want my 15 year old playing them, - it's unnecessary exposure IMO. They are 18cert for a reason afterall.

It had to be a blanket ban on any 18cert, 'you're allowed them at Mum's then play them there not here, - you are welcome to bring a selection of your many other games which do not include violence and crime, thanks.'

They did of course whine and complain that I was being 'reedicluss', I did however have the backing of DH, who felt just as strongly about it as I do.

If you have to compromise on letting your 15 year old play them with him (I wouldn't btw) then absolutely the youngsters should not see it, and you have every right to insist that they play in another room.

Has your husband seen the worst of these games? - perhaps if he is thinking you're being too harsh he doesn't really know just how violent and graphic they can be.