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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to see a dead fetus!!!

58 replies

coffeetofunction · 30/06/2014 15:07

I don't know if it's just me being sensitive but I went on Facebook this morning & a friend had posted a picture of a dead fetus, with a slogan saying "say no to abortions" & asking people to say a prayer!!

I personally don't want to see that image due to a late miscarriage I had but I also feel there are millions of women that have taken the hard step to terminate a pregnancy that also do not need to see this!!

I reported the post & Facebook have messaged me to say it is not inappropriate!!

AIBU to think this image is inappropriate regardless of people's personal opinions?

OP posts:
Happydaysatlast · 30/06/2014 18:39

There are no valid reasons for an abortion as then that presupposes there are invalid reasons!

A pregnant woman seeks a termination. Her body her choice. Should be able to access one free on demand. End of.

ithoughtofitfirst · 30/06/2014 19:04

YANBU to not want to see it.

frumpet · 30/06/2014 20:02

I look after women who have chosen to have a termination , very few see it as a means of delayed contraception , and those that have multiple terminations in a short period of time are generally not in a good place in their lives . Some are terminating the pregnancy because of abnormalities detected in scans . All these women deserve compassion and understanding and have the same right to 'care' as any other patient accessing healthcare in any other situation .
I would be very vocal in my pro-choice sentiments to anyone who posted such bollocks .

Chunderella · 30/06/2014 20:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ipswichwitch · 30/06/2014 20:17

This is why I don't do Facebook anymore. Crap like this is deemed ok but pictures of BFing offensive. They should be ashamed of themselves.

HeyN0nny · 30/06/2014 20:23

Post a comment on her page saying that you have indeed said a prayer... for her, that she be granted the gift of empathy, and for yourself, that you should never feel so complacent as to judge others. Motes in eyes and all that... And then defriend and block, fast.

Serenitysutton · 30/06/2014 20:24

The thing is I'm not sure about the image myself. I have seen a number of people posting pictures of their stillborn babies which I'm sure many, many people don't want to see but it would cause an absolute furore to say so.

I am very pro choice btw- but wonder if it's her views which make you want her to disappear not the actual picture?

I couldn't be friends with someone who had views Ike
That

sonlypuppyfat · 30/06/2014 20:24

When I was much younger my neighbor had a photo in a frame of her stillborn grandson it used to really play on my mind when I was little.

Gloworms · 30/06/2014 20:25

Awful, defriend.

Verystickypaws · 30/06/2014 20:37

Those anti abortions campaigns are ridiculous and full of shit, I grew up being exposed to some of it through a church as a child. Then years later ended up taking the decision to terminate following a 20 week scan, nothing happened as I was told it would for terminations at that stage.

No one needs to show me a picture of a baby following a termination, like many who've been through the same thing we have our own cherished photos of our babies.

I have friends and family who I know wouldn't choose to terminate due to religious beliefs, I have every respect for them and have no problems dealing with their differing viewpoint. They're all too intelligent and have too much empathy to go along with those campaigns.

Good job none of my FB friends would post anything so trite as after a couple of wines I'd reply with a picture of my baby. That wouldn't be a good move.

ICanSeeTheSun · 30/06/2014 20:43

www.josephilipraja.com/myworld/there-is-no-difference-anti-abortion-story/

This is the worse thing I have read on Facebook regarding anti abortion.

Rainbunny · 30/06/2014 20:52

I imagine such pictures are unbearable for any women who have suffered miscarriages. I seriously don't think such pictures have ever changed a woman's mind on needing an abortion either.

areyoumymother · 30/06/2014 21:17

I agree with you but I also find your thread title upsetting and offensive. This isn't the way you would want your deceased unborn child to be described, is it?

Only1scoop · 30/06/2014 21:22

Yet another reason I am delighted I manage to conduct my life minus FBShock

After losing a baby last year I dislike an introduction featuring 'dead foetus'

LucyBabs · 30/06/2014 21:33

No bumbleymummy ???

Sorry for peoples losses but it is a foetus x

I have had a termination and a late term loss, there is absolutely no need for these pictures to be posted publicly.

Original poster
coffeetofunction · 30/06/2014 21:41

I must apologize if the term I have used offended anyone & please believe me when I say I used the term as I'm of the opinion it's more PC... I also lost a baby, medical, unfortunately & often to my anger he is referred to as "the fetus".... He was my little baby boy....little but my baby all the same so I can understand why you may be offended.

OP posts:
Monten · 30/06/2014 21:52

Agree with happydaysatlast there is no valid and non valid reason to have a termination. I have had two, one at 6 weeks when I was 22 and in a new relationship and unemployed, and one in January (14 years later) at after an Edwards syndrome diagnoses at the nuchal scan.

I hope people like the OPs friend never have to have their beliefs tested.

What troubles me, is the much more pervasive idea in society that women feel guilt about abortions for the rest of their lives. Neither decision was easy and I had some very dark days but I don't regret either and don't feel guilty. I wish someone had told me that it was possible to feel like that when I was 22 and scared and everything I read suggested I would 'never get over it'.

auntjane2 · 30/06/2014 22:31

People can post whatever images they like that do not actually break the law. It's an important part of free speech. I imagine most doctors and midwives have seen or taken such pictures, probably for medical records or training.
However, your "friend" does not have any right to oblige you to look at such an image in her communications to you, especially if you had no warning to steel yourself before seeing it. Your "friend" could instead have just posted a link with a warning comment rather than the image itself. I would suggest telling your "friend", preferably verbally, that you do not want to look at graphic images and you found it upsetting, and then if the "friend" continues behaving like this, "unfriend" her and don't look at her page.
"Friend" may have a right to post an image, but you also have the right not to look. My response would be different if you think your "friend" singled you out in some way to look at this image, instead of just carelessly posting it publicly.

passmethewineplease · 30/06/2014 22:36

YANBU.

Those pictures are a load of BS.

I tend to unfriend people that share them.

kirsten123 · 01/07/2014 00:36

..."instead of smiling their smug fake Christian cunty faces."

The post had nothing to do with Christianity. What did you mean by this?

Fideliney · 01/07/2014 01:01

Well obviously defriend.

But boycotting Facebook would seem a fairly logical move too. And tell them WHY.

colleysmill · 01/07/2014 01:10

I would defriend anyone who posted anything like this on fb and rl (probably after giving reasons why because I can now)

I once had need of the support of the lovely ladies on the antenatal/choices board here when faced with a decision that seemed impossible to make (not withstanding pressure from the pharmaceutical company who manufactured the medicine I was taking). I couldn't at the time confide in the closest people to me in rl for various reasons and mn was my support.

But whilst my personal situation was pretty unique, I'm not special and who am I to deny any woman the same right to choice I had.

Gennz · 01/07/2014 01:32

I would unfriend but not before I commented on their wall telling them why. My family is Catholic and I have had many of these arguments over the years (the last one ended in my aunt saying "let's agree to disagree" and me saying "NO, LET'S AGREE I"M RIGHT" Grin). Part of the "sex education" (I use that term loosely) at my Catholic school involved them showing us bowls of baby body parts purporting to show the aftermath of abortion. It's ignorant and damaging.

That said I do believe strongly in freedom of speech so I'd be reluctant to have a blanket ban on such FB posts (the sex ed crap at Catholic schools is another matter, it's not education if it's wrong so I think it's incredibly irresponsible). Ultimately I think curtailing freedom of speech is more damaging than giving people the right to say ignorant and idiotic things.

Appletini · 01/07/2014 06:50

I'm a Christian and I would never judge someone else's choice. We aren't all cunts.

Personally this would really annoy me and I would defriend.

LaurieFairyCake · 01/07/2014 07:51

As am I - the key thing is that they shouldn't be judging.

And I very much judge SPUC. A group who claim to be doing Christs work for sending out people to harangue and abuse women.

People who are Christian shouldn't be doing this. And I judge them for it - as I'm supposed to do.